50+ of The Very Best Halloween Jokes

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Halloween jokes are a great way to connect with your kids and have fun with them during this time of year. 

We love a good joke, but we also love holiday jokes, even more, to really get in the spirit of the season. The best thing about Halloween jokes is that they can be silly, funny, or even a little scary. 

Check out these simply frightful Halloween jokes as well as light-hearted ones to get you in the Halloween Spirit! 

If you are looking for more Halloween fun be sure to check out these Halloween riddles and Halloween knock knock jokes!  

The Very Best Halloween Jokes

Q. Why do ghosts go on diets?

A. So they can keep their ghoulish figures

Q. What do you call a skeleton that refuses to help you clean?

A. Lazy Bones.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?

A. A sand-witch

Q. Why do vampires subscribe to The Washington Post?

A. It has great circulation!

Q. What a ghost’s favorite ride at the fair?

A. The scary go-round and the roller-ghoster!

Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation?

A. Mali-boo.

Q. What part of the street do vampires live on?

A. A dead end!

Q. What did the zombies say to these jokes?

A. “Haha, these are killing me!”

Q. What can’t you give the headless horseman?

A. A headache.

Q. Which ghost is the best dancer?

A. The boogie man!

Q. How do vampires get around on Halloween?

A. On blood vessels.

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?

A. For the Boos.

Q. What do you call a tired skeleton on Halloween?

A. The grim sleeper!

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?

A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?

A. It’s a pain in the neck.

Q. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?

A. Boo-berry pie!

Q. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?

A. It didn’t have a haunting license.

Q. What is a goblin’s favorite type of cheese?

A. Monster-ella!

Q. What do you call two witches who live together? 

A. Broom-mates!

Q. How can you tell if a ghost is angry?

A. It turns red.

Q. Why did the witch look so angry?

A. She has resting witch face!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

A. Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

Q. What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?

A. Count Spatula!

Q. What medicine do ghosts take for colds?

A. Coffin drops!

Q. What did the ghost bring her girlfriend?

A. A boo-quet!

Q. What does a panda ghost eat?

A. Bam-BOO!

Q. What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal?

A. A steak!

Q. What’s a witch’s favorite makeup?

A. Ma-scare-a.

Q. Who did Dracula take to the school dance?

A. His ghoul friend!

Q. Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?

A. For the free charge.

Q. Why are ghosts terrible liars?

A. You can see right through them!

Q. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

A. Squash!

Q. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?

A. I-Scream!

Q. Why are skeletons always so calm?

A. Nothing gets under their skin!

Q. What did Frankenstein say to his sweetheart?

A. It was love at first fright.

Q. What is the skeleton’s funniest bone?

A. The humerus!

Q. Why don’t mummies take time off?

A. They’re afraid to unwind.

Q. How do spiders communicate?

A. Through the word wide web!

Q. How does Frankenstein jump start his day?

A. With a shock of lighting.

Q. What do little ghouls and boys study in algebra?

A. Pumpkin pi!

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?

A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. What do skeletons learn about in history class?

A. Napoleon Bone-a-part!

Q. What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?

A. Spare ribs!

Q. Where does Dracula keep his money?

A. In a blood bank.

Q. What is zombie Shakespeare’s favorite play?

A. Romeo and Ghouliet!

Q. Which Halloween monster is good at math?

A. Count Dracula!

Q. What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?

A. Wrap music.

Q. What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging?

A. You never know which witch is which!

Q. What do you call a haunted chicken?

A. A poultry-geist!

Q. Which type of pants do ghosts wear to trick or treat? 

A. Boo jeans.

Q. Why do skeletons make such good comedians?

A. They have so many funny bones!

Q. What Halloween candy is never on time for the party?

A. Choco-LATE!

Q. What’s a teenage ghost’s favorite song?

A. “Ghouls Just Wanna Have Fun!”

Q. Why don’t mummies have friends?

A. Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.

Q. What do birds say on Halloween?

A. “Trick or tweet!”

Q. How are witches able to stay so positive?

A. Witch-ful thinking!

Q. What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?

A. Candy corneas.

Q. Why do vampires use mouthwash?

A. They have bat breath!

Q. Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?

A. The crossing gourd.

Q. Why do spirits have low self-esteem?

A. They have no body to love!

Q. What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A. A fence.

Q. What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?

A. Let’s stop in for a cool one!

Q. Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?

A. They’re LUMBARjacks!

Q. Who do monsters buy cookies from?

A. Ghoul scouts.

Q. How does a vampire enter his house?

A. Through the bat flap!

There you have it! The best Halloween jokes. Which one is your favorite?  Share in the comments!

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