50 Best (and Worst) Pirate Jokes to Make You Laugh

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“Why are pirates called pirates?” “They just arrrrrrrrrr.” Do you love a good pirate joke like we do? Pirate jokes and really jokes, in general, are a great way to lighten the mood and have fun with those around you!

These jokes are sure to make you laugh. You and your kids will have a blast telling them to each other! 

Whatever you do, before every pirate joke be sure to say “ARRRRRR matey” for even more fun!

50 Best and Worst Pirate Jokes

50 Best Pirate Jokes to Make You Laugh

Q. How do pirates prefer to communicate?

A. Aye to aye!

Q. What kind of grades does a pirate get in school?

A. High seas!

Q. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?

A. Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

Q. Why did the pirate go to the Apple store? 

A. To buy an iPatch.

Q. What did the first mate see down the toilet?

A. The Captains log!

Q. Why are pirates called pirates?

A. Because they arrrr!

Q. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?

A. He bought it on sail.

Q. Why is pirating so addictive?

A. They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

Q. What was the name of the most frugal pirate?

A. Barry D. Treasure!

Q. How do pirates like to cook their steaks?


Q. How do pirates communicate with each other?

A. With an Aye phone.
But aye to aye is always best.

Q. What did the elderly pirate captain say when asked if he was 80?

A. “Aye, Matey.”

Q. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?

A. A swordfish!

Q. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?

A. He got marooned.

Q. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A. A buck an ear.

Q. What’s a pirates favorite type of music? 

A. Rum & Bass!

Q. Why did the pirate give up playing golf?

A. Because he kept hooking the ball!

Q. What does the captain keep up his sleevie?

A. His armie.

Q. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?

A. 8 pirates.

Q. Why was it so hard to call the pirate on the phone?

A. Because he left it off the hook.

Q. How does a pirate get to the top of the building?

A. By elevataaaaarrrrrr!!!!!

Q. Why do pirates carry swords?

A. Because swords can’t walk.

Q. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?

A. One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.

Q. Where do pirates go for a drink?

A. The sand bar!

Q. What is a pirate’s favorite letter?

A. P. because it would be an R, but it’s missing a leg.

Q. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?

A. Termites. 

Q. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

A. Because they can spend years at C.

Q. Where’s a pirate’s favorite place to eat breakfast?


Q. What would you call a pirate with 4 eyes?

A. A iiiirate.

Q. What Did The Pirate Say When His Wooden Leg Got Stuck In The Freezer?

A. Shiver me timbers!

Q. What do you call a pirate’s hairstyle?

A. A crew cut!

Q. Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?

A. Right where ye left him.

Q. What is a pirate’s favorite movie?

A. Booty and the Beast. (But it is arr-rated.)

Q. Which Star Wars character do pirates like the most?

A. Aarrrrggh-2-D2!

Q. How do ye turn a pirate furious?

A. Take away the “p.”

Q. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?

A. A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

Q. What do pirates do on Black Friday?

A. Shop the sails!

Q. What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire?

A. He got burned to the ground.

Q. What does a vegan pirate do in jail?

A. Starrrrrve!

Q. How do pirates make their money?

A. By hook or by crook!

Q. What did one pirate say to the other?

A. “I sea you!”

Q. Where do pirates put their weapons?

A. In their enemies.

Q. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

A. I, I, R, and the seven C’s!

Q. Why did the pirate cross the road?

A. To get to the second-hand shop!

Q. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?

A. Because the captain was standing on the deck!

Q. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?

A. An arm and a leg.

Q. What print do pirates wear on their socks?

A. Arrrrgghyle!

Q. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?

A. A pumpkin patch.

Q. What do you call a pirate who skips class?

A. Captain Hooky!

Q. Which restaurant did the buccaneer go out to for dinner?

A. Long John Silver’s!

There you have it thee best pirate jokes that you can find! What jokes would you add to the list? Share in the comments below!

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50 Best (and Worst) Pirate Jokes to Make You Laugh

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