With Father’s Day quickly approaching, we thought it would be an apt time to get serious about it with some hilarious Dad Jokes.
We all love our dads, but as much as we appreciate them, we also like to tease them (because we know they love being teased!).
Break the ice on Father’s Day with some of these read-aloud jokes for Dads, and then ease your way into the authentic gratitude we all know they deserve! “If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
Whether you’re rolling your eyes or rolling with laughter, you’ll get a kick out of these hilarious dad jokes!
The Longest (and Greatest) Dad Jokes List
Here are a few opening Dad Jokes to whet your appetite…
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word!
Q: Why did the coffee file a police report?
A: It got mugged.
Opener: A man says to a werewolf, “You’re a werewolf.”
Punchline: The werewolf says, “I’m awere.”
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Q: Dad, did you get a haircut?
A: No, I got them all cut.
Opener: My aunt’s astrological sign was cancer, funny to consider how she died.
Punchline: She was killed by a giant crab.
Opener: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery?
Punchline: People are just dying to get in there!
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Q: What’s faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold!
Q: What time did the man go to the dentist?
A: Tooth hurt-y.
Opener: I recently bumped into the guy that sold me an antique globe.
Punchline: It’s a small world.
Corny Dad Jokes
Q: Dad, can you put my shoes on?
A: No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Opener: My wife and I have decided not to have kids.
Punchline: The kids are taking it pretty badly.
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
Q: What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
A: They’d crack each other up.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something!
Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted
Q: How many apples grow on a tree?
A: All of them.
It’s important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times. It could be a lifesaver.
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: He woke up.
Opener: I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.
Punchline: It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
Opener: At work, we have a printer we’ve nicknamed Bob Marley.
Punchline: It’s always Jammin’.
Additional Reading: 120 Riddles and Brain Teasers for Kids!
Opener: I went to the store to pick up 8 cans of Sprite.
Punchline: But when I got home I realized I’d only picked 7up.
Opener: My daughter screeched, “Daaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?”
Punchline: What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
I couldn’t get a reservation at the library… They were fully booked.
Q: What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
A: Nobody knows.
Opener: I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing…
Punchline: It’s laundry day.
My wife: He’s always trying to jeopardize our relationship.
Therapist: And how do you respond to that?
Me: I’ll take “My wife is being a big baby” for $500, Alex.
Q: What is the least spoken language in the world?
A: Sign language.
Opener: I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
Punchline: I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
Q: How did the dog stop the music?
The problem with Nearly Headless Nick is that he’s a poorly executed character.
Opener: I accidentally got rice in my headphone jack.
Punchline: Now all my music sounds grainy.
Opener: My wife tried to unlatch our daughter’s car seat with one hand and said, “How do one-armed mothers do it?”
Punchline: Without missing a beat I replied, “Single handedly.”
Additional Reading: 51 April Fools Prank Ideas!
Q: Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A: Because they have no body to go with.
Q: I just watched a documentary about beavers.
A: It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Q: I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
A: I’ll let you know.
Q: This graveyard looks overcrowded.
A: People must be dying to get in there!
Reversing the car ‘Ahh, this takes me back.’
Q: What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A: A dino-snore!
Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
Q: Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?
A: It’s true. I mean when was the last time you ate a monkey?
Q: What’s the funniest city in Louisiana?
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy.
Well, we were having dinner, and Dad had spilled his peas on the table… He looks right at me and said, “Oh no, I have just peed on the table.”
Additional Reading: 51 Dad Craft Ideas!
Best Dad Jokes
Opener: I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
Punchline: It’s impossible to put down!
Opener: I thought about going on an all-almond diet….
Punchline: But that’s just nuts!
Q: What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?
Q: Is your refrigerator running?
A: Because I might vote for it…
Chris Hemsworth is Australian and Thor is from space does that make him an Australien?
Opener: Spring is here!
Punchline: I got so excited I wet my plants!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May!
Q: What did the drummer call his twin baby daughters?
A: Anna1 Anna2
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot.
A: A carrot!
Opener: I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
Punchline: But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Doctor: [handing me my newborn baby] I’m sorry but your wife didn’t make it
Me: [handing baby back to him] bring me the one my wife made.
Additional Reading: Riddle Me This: What’s Puzzling Your Brain?
Funny Dad Jokes
Q: You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there?
Q: Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
Answer: There was nothing left but de Brie.
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
Answer: A stick.
Opener: The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Punchline: Now they have to yell “Donald, duck!”
Dad asks me, “Have you heard about the new movie constipation?” I was like, “What? No.” And he said, “It never came out.”
Opener: I am suspicious that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection.
Punchline: She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Q: What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
Opener: I start a new job in Seoul next week.
Punchline: I hope it is going to be a good Korea move.
Opener: Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?
Opener: I can’t decide if I want to pursue a career as a writer or a grifter.
Punchline: I’m still weighing the prose and cons
I don’t often tell dad jokes, but when I do, he laughs.
Q: Dad walks into a bookstore and says, “ Can I have a book by Shakespeare?” “Of course, sir, which one?”
Q: What’s better than Ted Danson?
A: Ted singing and Danson!
Additional Reading: The 137 Most Hilarious Jokes For Kids
Want Even More Funny Jokes?
What Are Your Favorite Dad Jokes?
We love laughter, especially in our families, and this Dad Jokes List is just the start. And we know that YOU have even more riddles, jokes, and Dad Knocks than this! What are your favorites? Tell us in the comments!
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