The Best Harry Potter Jokes You Will Love

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Kids of all ages have fallen in love with Harry Potter and why not? J.K. Rowling has done an amazing job of captivating our kids in an amazing adventure as they read. What if we could captivate our kids with an awesome Harry Potter joke?

Jokes are a great way to connect with our kids and let’s be honest there is always a good joke your kids will find funny and love laughing at. 

These awesome Harry Potter jokes will have your kids laughing and loving them every step of the way, so get ready to ignite your kids and your love of Harry Potter as you tell each other these Harry Potter jokes. 

The Best Harry Potter Jokes You Will Love

The Best Harry Potter Jokes You Will Love

Why doesn’t snape teach herbology?

Because his lily died.

What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?


What’s the difference between a broom and a wizard?

A broom can fly.

What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?


How many harry potters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, he uses magic.

Why is Garrick Ollivander never home?

He’s a wanderer!

What do you call a Quidditch player who can’t keep their broom up?

A groundie.

What do you call a wizard who’s always dancing?

A gigolo.

How does Harry Potter enter a door?

Through the Gryffin-door.

What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn’t?What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn’t?

A nose!

What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?


Which Hogwarts master gets the blame for everything that goes wrong?

Professor Snapegoat!

How’s does Voldemort enter a room?

He slithers in.

Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?

Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.

Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?

They were following Draco.

You don’t get my Harry Potter jokes?

There must be some thing RON with you.

What is Aragog’s favourite day of the week?


What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?

Why so Sirius?

Why did Voldemort cross the road?

Because Harry Potter couldn’t stop him!

Why did Death Eaters cross the road?

The Dark Lord ordered it.

How does Voldemort keep his breath fresh?


Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?

Because he was cursing in class.

How can you tell if someone’s a pureblood?

Don’t worry – they’ll tell you soon enough!

What is bigfoot’s favorite book?

Hairy Potter.

Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?

Because he only has followers, not friends.

Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?

Nobody nose.

What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?

A comma is a pause at the end of a clause, and Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws.

Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?

Up his sleeve-y!

Which side of a centaur has more hair?

The outside

Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?

They’re both cauld ron.

What do you call a Potterhead on a horse?

Harry Trotter.

What do you call a postal carrier that can speak to packages?

A parcel tongue.

What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?


What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?

A mechanic.

Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?

Because she gives him hugs and hisses.

Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?

Because he can’t control his pupils.

Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?

Because he has a Longbottom.

What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?

A Volt-demort.

What’s the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter books?

A ginger with two friends.

Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice?

Because he’s a double-crosser.

Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?

So you’ll never know which side he’s on.

How does Voldemort like his coffee?

Dark and bitter.

What do you call a group of musical whales?

Harry Podder.

What’s a Hufflepuff’s favorite subject?

Herbology, because they like to stay grounded.

How do you get a Death Eater into a good mood?

Tell them a ‘Sirius-ly’ good joke.

Why don’t Death Eaters use social media?

Because they don’t want to ‘Voldemort’ their privacy.

What’s a wizard’s favorite type of exercise?


What do you call a wizard who’s bad at grammar?

A spelling sorcerer.

Why was Sirius Black always calm?

Because he knew how to stay padfoot.

What does a Hogwarts student say when they don’t understand something?

“Mystifies me!”

Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?

Because it was making him Moody!

Do you like Harry Potter?

Because I a-Dumbledore you!

What do you call a wizard who’s always on fire?

A hothead.

What do you call a wizard who’s always telling jokes?

A pun-dit.

What do you call a wizard who’s afraid of the dark?

A candle-bra.

There you have it! The best Harry Potter jokes out there! Do you have another favorite? Don’t forget to share it in the comments for others to enjoy!

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