50 of the Best Clean Jokes

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Jokes are such a great way to connect with others through laughter and fun, but sometimes jokes take it a little too far. That is why I love always having a huge collection of clean jokes on hand to make sure my jokes are always kid-appropriate! 

Sometimes you might feel like clean jokes are hard to find, but there are so many clean jokes that are actually funny out there.

So we have made it super easy for you to find the best clean jokes for you to have on hand when you need them most. 

50 of the Best Clean Jokes

The Best Clean Jokes

Q: Why don’t ants ever get sick?

A: Because they have little anty bodies.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?

A: Spoiled milk.

Q: Where do beef burgers go to dance?

A: The meatball.

Q: You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?

A: Because they’re really good at it.

Q: Want to hear a roof joke?

A: The first one’s on the house.

Q: What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?

A: Patty!

Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry?

A: Because they’re always stuffed.

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?

A: Red paint.

Q: Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

A: There was nothing left but de Brie.

Q: Which bird has the worst manners?

A: Mocking birds.

Q: Where does the General keep his armies?

A: In his sleevies!

Q: What building in New York has the most stories?

A: The public library!

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

A: Because he always has a great fall.

Q: Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

A: The don’t meet the koalafications.

Q: Why can’t Elsa have a balloon?

A: Because she will let it go.

Q: What did the big flower say to the little flower?

A: Hi, bud!

Q: Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments?

A: Mount Rushmore.

Q: What do you call bears with no ears?

A: B

Q: What bow can’t be tied?

A: A rainbow!

Q: How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

A: Ten tickles.

Q: How does a dog stop a video?

A: By hitting the paws button!

Q: What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

A: Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

Q: What’s a balloon’s least favorite type of music?

A: Pop.

Q: Why is no one friends with Dracula?

A: Because he’s a pain in the neck.

Q: What does the world’s top dentist get?

A: A little plaque.

Q: What does a pepper do when it’s angry?

A: It gets jalapeño face!

Q: What did one toilet say to the other?

A: You look flushed.

Q: How does a farmer mend his overalls?

A: With cabbage patches.

Q: How did the hipster burn his mouth?

A: He ate the pizza before it was cool.

Q: Why did the taxi driver get fired?

A: Passengers didn’t like it when she went the extra mile.

Q: What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?

A: It gets toad away.

Q: What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

A: The taste.

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

A: It’s okay. He woke up.

Q: How do mountains stay warm in the winter?

A: Snowcaps.

Q: How does NASA organize a party?

A: They planet.

Q: What do you call a pile of kittens?

A: A meowntain.

Q: Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?

A: Because he was always spotted.

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

A: OMG!!!!!!! BREATHE!! BREATHEEEEE!!!!!

Q: What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?

A: Put it on my bill.

Q: Is this pool safe for diving?

A: It deep ends.

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

A: Same middle name.

Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?

A: Their bats flew away.

Q: What did the nose say to the finger?

A: Quit picking on me!

Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?

A: Between you and me, something smells.

Q: What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

A: Prime mates.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite

Q: If you have 10 apples in one hand and 14 oranges in the other, what do you have?

A: Really, really big hands.

There you have it! The best clean jokes that are perfect for anyone! Be sure to share some of your favorite clean jokes in the comments so we can add it to the list!

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