It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s… Well, that’s exactly what we’re talking about: A plane. That wonderful contraption takes you up, up, and away toward your destination. It’s a fascinating invention that evokes many different emotions, isn’t it?
Do you have your eye on aviation and dream of becoming a pilot one day? Are you a jet setter always off to the hottest travel destinations? Are you filled with that mysterious and undeniable wanderlust that makes you want to explore places unknown?
Whether you are a pilot (or want to be one!), a frequent flyer, or someone who is really and genuinely interested in aviation or inventions, airplane jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone — or, should we say, your flying bone? Airplane humor is the hilarity that will crack you up, plane as day (pun intended!).
What’s great about airplane jokes, puns, and one-liners – aside from being full of hilarity – is that they are a great way to get the laughs going. This is especially true when you are up in the air.
I mean, let’s be real: Between the airplane food that not everyone is a fan of, the legroom that leaves much to be desired, and the turbulence, to rerouting, delays, and unexpected cancellations, air travel can sometimes be anything but a laugh-filled time.
Flying can be very stressful for some people. Plus, there’s the fact that not everyone is a fan of flying. Some may even seriously have a fear of flying and may find being in a plane to be a very scary or anxiety-inducing situation to be in.
But love it or hate it (or be totally scared of it), the reality is that airplanes may sometimes be the only way for us to get from point A all the way to point B.
It can be unavoidable, and sometimes we really gotta suck it up and get on that plane. Thankfully, airplane jokes are here to make flying more fun and entertaining time.
Our collection of hilarious airplane jokes, puns, and one-liners has been carefully curated to ensure maximum LOL. These jokes will make you grin and even burst out laughing at the mere thought of air travel and planes.
They’re a great way to stay entertained during long waits or while up in the air, and they can also be very helpful in combating anxiety and the fear of flying. It always helps to treat yourself to a good laugh.
And these airplane jokes, puns, and one-liners are designed to bring laughter and fun, airplane-style!
Hilarious Airplane Jokes, Puns, And One-Liners
Whether you are very into aviation, a total traveler at heart, a little anxious about flying, or really like planes, you will adore our collection of airplane jokes, puns, and one-liners that are sure to bring the LOLs.
Flying a plane is a serious job and can be very stressful. Aviation is a very serious business — safety is at stake, after all. Flying only allows for a very small margin of error; yes, people’s lives are on the line.
Same with flying as a passenger – particularly if you have anxiety about traveling by air. So take the time to relax by checking out our list of utterly hilarious airplane jokes.
“My wife and I have decided never to talk again about my addiction to aviation puns.
It’s a soar subject.”
“I love aviation jokes, but…
They always seem to go over people’s heads.”
“What do you call Harry Potter in a plane?
The flying sorcerer.”
“Do you know what happened when I tried airplane mode for the first time?
I threw my phone, but it didn’t fly.”
“What’s the difference between a co-pilot and a jet engine?
The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.”
“What do you call an airplane that flies backward?
A receding airline.”
“I can’t believe I’m almost finished with aviation school…
This last semester has really flown by.”
“My dad sees an abandoned building outside Cleveland labeled “Aviation High School.”
Looks like the aviation high school didn’t really take off.”
“Sure geology rocks….
But aviation is really fly!”
“Why didn’t the flight attendant let me change my seat when I sat next to a crying baby?
They won’t do it if the baby’s yours.”
“Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.”
“My Dad really wanted me to make paper planes with him.
Eventually, I folded.”
“How do flat-earthers travel the world?
On a plane.”
“I don’t get airplane jokes.
They go right over my head.”
“What kind of bagel can fly?
A plane bagel.”
“I dropped my phone from the Eiffel Tower.
It’s okay, it was in airplane mode.”
“What if a dog flew the first airplane?
It just wouldn’t be Wright.”
“What sound does a rubber airplane make?
“I was arrested for taking a photo of a landing airplane.
I was charged with in descent exposure.”
“I keep hanging car fresheners in my airplane.
It really helps with descent.”
“What’s an airline pilot’s favorite flavor of crisps?
“Did you hear about the new TV show about a plane crash?
The pilot was horrible.”
“What did the airplane say to the helicopter?
Mad props, yo!”
“Wanna hear an airplane joke?
Never mind, it’d go right over your head.”
“What’s another name for the movie Snakes on a Plane?
The Boeing Constrictor.”
“Who invented the first airplane that wouldn’t fly?
The Wrong Brothers.”
“I was once in an airplane when I realized the pilot didn’t pass proper training.
He was just winging it.”
More Funny Jokes About Airplanes
Did you totally enjoy those airplane jokes? Did they get you flying high with the giggles? Are you eager for more? For all you aviation, travel, and flying fans out there, we’ve got even more funny jokes about airplanes that will get you soaring with laughter.
“What is the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?
A pessimist made the seatbelts; an optimist built the airplane.”
“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew, welcome aboard British Airways flight 602, traveling from New York to London.
At the moment, we are riding at 35,000 feet over the Atlantic.
If you look out the starboard windows, you can see that both the starboard engines are on fire.
You can observe that the port engines have fallen off if you look out of the windows on the port side.
If you look down the Atlantic, you will see a yellow life raft with three people waving at you.
That’s me, your captain, the co-pilot, and our flight attendant.
This is a recorded message.
Have a good flight!”
“Couple about to embark on a holiday. The guy is waiting for his blonde girlfriend at the airport when she arrives with a door.
BF: “What are you carrying?!”
GF: “You know how burglars get into houses by breaking the front door?”
GF: “Well, if I take my front door with me, then burglars can’t get into my house and steal anything.”
BF: “Okay then. How will you manage if the door gets lost or broken?”
GF: “That’s what I thought of. I left one of the side windows open, so I can get in.””
“What has a nose and flies but no sense of smell?
“The first airplane that couldn’t fly was invented by who?
The Wrong Brothers.”
“What does an airplane builder say about their job?
“What’s the best place for a mountain climber to store his plane?
In a cliff-hangar.”
“Are there ever going to be invisible airplanes?
I just can’t see them taking off.”
“When an airplane flies backward, what do you call it?
A receding airline.”
“What makes spiders incapable of becoming pilots?
Because they only know how to tailspin.”
“What do you call when you’re sick of going to the airport?
“The airplane was sent to his room for what reason?
“A businessman struggled to carry his lumpy, oversized travel bag on the plane. With a flight attendant’s help, he stuffed it in the overhead bin.
“Are you always carrying such heavy luggage?” she sighed.
“No more,” the man said. “Next time, I’m going to ride in the bag, and my partner will purchase the ticket!”
“First, the kid kicked the back of my airplane seat, then I imagined it was a broken massage chair, and I kinda liked it; that’s why there’s graffiti and babies.”
Four guys were in an airplane going down in flames, though there were only three parachutes.
The pastor says, “I should go! Everyone needs religion!” they agree, and he jumps.
Another guy says, “It’s a fact that I am the most intelligent human on the planet! If I were to die, everyone would be in trouble!” so he jumps.
The old guy says to the hippie, “Because I’m old and you’ve got your whole life in front of you, you jump.”
But the hippie replies, “Chill, man! We can both go! The most intelligent man on the planet forgot his parachute!”
“Do you know what to call an unusual tiny plane?
“Would you like to hear an airplane joke?
No, you’re probably going to miss it!”
“An aircraft was traveling from LA to New York.
About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, “We have lost one engine, but don’t worry, there are still three left. However, we will need seven hours to get to New York instead of five.”
A little later, the pilot announced, “Another engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to New York.”
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, “A third engine was broken. Never fear because the plane’s still able to fly on one engine. However, it’ll take another 18 hours to get from here to New York.”
At this point, one passenger said, “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”
“The plane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers, but only 3 parachutes…
As the first passenger said, ‘I’m Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me.’
So the first passenger took the first pack and got off the plane.
The second passenger, Donald Trump, said, ‘I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don’t want me to die.’
He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, ‘My son, I am old and don’t have many years left, you have more years ahead, so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.’
The little boy said, ‘That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.”
“If the Coronavirus outbreak worsens, John Lennon airport might be forced to cancel all flights in and out.
Imagine all the people.”
“The librarian was asked to leave the plane for what reason?
Because it was overbooked.”
“Me: After the airline lost my luggage, I decided to sue them.
Someone: Did you win?
Me: Unfortunately, I lost the case.”
What’s one thing that comes to mind when you think of traveling by plane? Why, airlines, of course. Air travel means choosing the airline that will best suit you.
There are a lot of airline choices out there — and A LOT of airline jokes too that will make for superb conversation starters when you’re waiting at the airport.
“What do you call a fast food company that manufactures airliners?
“9 out of 10 doctors recommend United Airlines.
One was removed.”
“Singapore Airlines are planning to start flights to nowhere.
But I’m pretty sure Malaysia Airlines beat them to it.”
“Did you know I can fly on United Airlines from Los Angles to New York in just 60 seconds?
I even called and asked how long it would take, and she told me, “just a minute””
“Delta airlines have stopped using the seasoning on board their aircraft.
They only serve plane food.”
“I took British Airlines to court after losing my luggage.
The judge threw it out because we had no case.”
“I heard some guy tell two terrible Malaysian Airline jokes…
The first one got no response, and the second one was shot down in flames.”
“What headphones does United Airlines use?
Beats by Dr.”
“Last time I flew Malaysia Airlines, I didn’t shower first.
I figured I could just wash up on the shore.”
“What’s the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines?
One has dragons, and the other has drag-offs.”
“Malaysian Airlines and United should merge.
That way, they can beat their passengers, and no one will ever find out.”
“Why won’t airlines hire Peter Pan?
Because he’ll never never land.”
“These United Airlines jokes really need to stop.
They’re being dragged out.”
If there’s one thing that goes hand in hand with airplanes, it is none other than pilots! Pilots are the captain of the proverbial flying ship, so to speak. They make it possible for airplanes to fly and get us to their destinations.
Without these incredible individuals, we won’t be able to safely get to where we want to go. So in honor of pilots everywhere, here are some entertaining pilot jokes!
“Airline Pilot to passengers:
“Ladies and gentlemen, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we’re lost. The good news is that we are making good progress.””
“Interviewer: Why did you decide to become a pilot?
Pilot: To overcome my greatest fear.
Pilot: Dying Alone. “
“Pilot: “Attention! We are all going to die!”
They start screaming and freaking out until the pilot comes over the intercom again…
Pilot: “Eventually, we will all die, but no one knows when.”
The passengers look relieved, and the pilot speaks again over the intercom…
Pilot: “My guess is that it will be when we get to this mountain directly in front of us.””
“A pilot is flying a small plane across Australia.
He crashes into the Outback and is knocked unconscious.
When he comes to, he’s in a hospital with a nurse standing over him.
Still groggy and pretty much out of it, he asks, “Have you brought me to this place to die?”
And the nurse responds, “Nah, ya got here yesta die.””
“My brother has a pilot’s license but only uses it for private flights. So he placed advertisements all over the plane.
Now he flies commercial.”
“In his welcome message, the pilot says:
“Airline West Jet is pleased to announce we have some of the best flight attendants in the business. Unfortunately, none of them are taking this flight!””
“Have you heard about the young pilot who flew over a rainbow in his pilot’s license examination?
He passed with flying colors.”
“The 747 was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
After a few minutes, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “
All set back here, captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.””
“A pilot should never be homeless…
since he will look for a place to crash.”
“The blonde pilot was interviewed after her helicopter crashed…
Interviewer: “Would you mind telling us what happened before you crashed?”
Blonde: “I decided to turn off the fan because it was getting really cold.””
Jokes About Flight Attendants
Air travel is made more comfortable and safe by the amazing flight attendants on board with us. Flight attendants ensure that we are cared for and that everything is A-OK for us as we travel the skies.
It’s not an easy job, but they all do it so well and make it seem effortless with their easy smiles and kind ways. So how about sharing a laugh with them via our jokes about flight attendants?!
“What makes people dislike flight attendants so instantly?
To save time later.”
“On an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously announced the following in her lovely Irish brogue:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, unfortunately, it appears that our catering service has made a terrible mistake. Although we have 103 passengers on board, we only received 40 dinner meals. Anyone who offers to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free and unlimited drinks during the 10-hour flight….”
Her following announcement came about 2 hours later, “**We still have 40 dinners available for anyone hungry**.””
“What makes flight attendants great astronauts?
They know how to take up space.”
“After a less than ideal landing, a flight attendant says; “Please remain seated while Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.””
“On a plane, a man asks the flight attendant: “Can you tell me how long it will take until we arrive at our destination?”
The attendant responds: “Just one minute, sir.”
Man: “Wow! That’s really fast!” “
“A new blonde stewardess was broken in by an airline captain.
Their route had a stopover in another city, so they were in transit.
On arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best places for airline employees to eat, shop, and stay overnight.
The following morning, as the pilot was preparing his crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was absent.
He knew which room she was staying in, so he called her and asked what had happened.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.
“You can’t get out of your room?” The captain asked, “Why not?”
The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
“On landing, the stewardess said, “Please take all your belongings. If you will leave anything, please ensure it’s something we want.”
The plane takes off with a two-hour delay.
In the air, a passenger asks the flight attendant: “Why did we take off so late?”
To which the flight attendant replies: “Well, the pilot noticed some smoke and weird sounds coming from the plane’s left engine, and we spent a while trying to find another pilot to fly the plane.””
“How do a jet engine and a flight attendant differ?
The jet engine stops whining at the end of the flight.”
“On a small airline, it was mealtime, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
“What are my options?” he asked.
“Yes, or No,” she replied.”
Our airplane puns are on another plane of wittiness — and though feelings about flying may differ, everyone can all agree that these puns are nothing short of pure punny awesomeness.
There’s nothing like a good pun to make the mood lighter. And there’s nothing like a good airplane pun to elevate your day to a new level of hilarity!
- “Wow, already turbulence in this thread.”
- “I give you props for trying.”
- “Damn it… Yeah, I’m not too versed in aviation speak.”
- “Have you tried using a penetration approach?”
- “I think this thread has lost its touch, it needs to be derailed.”
- “My grandad was responsible for 28 downed German planes in WW2.”
- “I was hoping to give this thread a good start, but it’s already taken off.”
- “You may enjoy them more if you’re high.”
- “I failed my aviation exam yesterday, but I was just winging it.”
- “I really hope this thread takes off.”
- “Rolling over to aviation puns already?”
- “Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left, and two Wrights made an airplane.”
- “You must have descended from heaven and then to my heart.”
- “Woman, you look plane sexy.”
- “What qualifications do I need to be your frequent flyer member?”
Airplane One Liners
Jokes are great, but sometimes you have a hankering for shorter jokes that’ll get the job done faster in cracking people up!
Well, these hilarious airplane one-liners are just what you are looking for. They may not be as wordy as some jokes, but they are as witty and funny — and will get the LOLs started.
- “I designed a crashproof rubber plane. It’s called the Boing 747.”
- “When you give someone tickets for a plane ride, they will only stay in the air for a day. When you push someone out of the airplane, they will be forced to stay in the air forever.”
- “There is no need for a parachute to skydive.
- You only need a parachute to skydive twice.”
- “A friend of mine bought an old plane, removed the wings, and turned it into a restaurant. I don’t think it will take off.”
- “A backup is always necessary when jumping from a plane.
- That’s why they call them pairs of chutes!”
- “There are only two things required to fly:
- Airspeed and money.”
- “Everyone knows that a ‘good’ landing is one in which you can walk away.
However, a ‘great’ landing is one in which you can use the airplane again afterward.”
However you may feel about aviation and flying, there’s always room for laughter and fun. And these hilarious airplane jokes, puns, and one-liners will lift your mood and spread the good vibes to those around you! Happy flying!