Have you ever had an argument with your spouse? I bet you have. In fact, no one is free from having arguments, especially with spouses. Each person is an individual, thus, no two people can reasonably be expected to agree on everything. Perhaps you and your spouse did not fully acknowledge your differences in the early stages of your relationship; or perhaps you felt that time and love would solve the problem. But love is not just saying “I love you”. Love needs commitment and action.
In normal cases, arguments will make the one or both of the partners feel hurt. This negative feeling will pile up on those feelings collected from previous arguments. When one party can’t contain the feelings anymore, he or she will ask for a divorce and cause the marriage to crumble.
It doesn’t matter if you and your spouse have differences in opinion or preferences. What matters is, if you can’t avoid having arguments, do it the “right way”. How you deal with and resolve those differences will determine the health of your marriage. Here are 10 rules that you must follow should you choose to argue:
1. Avoid abuse and physical violence. If things get too hot, take a break. If you are standing, then sit down. If you are sitting down, then lie down. If you are lying down, get up and go wash your face.
2. Avoid making your partner wrong. Instead let your partner know how his/her actions made you feel. You are responsible for your feelings, not your partner.
3. Be responsible. Don’t argue about one thing if something else is bothering you.
4. Don’t take things personally. Whatever your partner said, it is not about you or what you have said. It is his/her interpretation or meaning put to what he/she heard or saw. If you take it personally, you’ll be upset and you may say or do things that make it worse.
5. Give up the need to be right. You might win the argument, but you’ll have to pay the cost. Instead focus on resolving the issue.
6. To be misunderstood is a common thing in verbal communication. To avoid unnecessary fighting, repeat to your partner what you understand about his/her motive or what he/she said.
7. Don’t let any argument escalate into a fight by bringing up hurtful events from the past. Let the past stay where it belongs, in the past.
8. No name calling, please. It will definitely make the argument get out of control.
9. Give up the urge to invalidate your partner. You might feel satisfied but it won’t last and will cost you the affinity.
10. Before you go to sleep, forgive your partner and yourself too. You’ll have peace of mind and wake up fresh and energetic.
So, whether your argument is on something as tiny as where to hang your towels in your bathroom, or something of large proportion such as whether or not your sixteen-year-old is ready to get a driver’s license, learning how to resolve it is the deciding factor between reaching conclusions which both spouses can happily live with or allowing every difference to be a power struggle of who wins and who loses. The fact of the matter is that in a marital relationship, if differences are settled by power struggles, everyone loses.
Image by: Carlo Nicora
About the Author:
Wan Ibrahim – For advanced and powerful techniques on marriage conflict resolution, get the Save My Marriage Today guide now. Reviews on the guide can be accessed at: http://savemarriagesite.com/reviews/save-my-marriage-today