Have you ever argued with your spouse? I bet you have. Arguing with your spouse is a normal thing in marriages.
It is normal to argue with your spouse. You are both different people and arguments can be on a variety of different things.
Maybe you don’t agree on how to parent, or you disagree with where you are both at in your relationship. In fact, perhaps you both struggle with communication which makes it even easier to argue with your spouse.
The Myths about Arguments with your Spouse
Often couples feel that arguing with your spouse is bad. They think it is a sure sign there is trouble in their marriage. To be honest, this is not the case at all. You just have to learn how to argue with your spouse correctly!
There is much growth that can happen through arguing.
Why Discuss Issues with your Spouse?
Discussing issues in your marriage is healthy and needed. When you learn to communicate it becomes less arguing and more discussing and solving problems. But until then there might be some arguments that arise.
Arguing is healthy when done right. It is important to acknowledge your differences because it promotes growth!
Some couples choose not to argue or discuss issues because they feel:
- They are in the early stage of marriage and don’t want to “rock the boat”
- Don’t know how to openly talk about how they feel.
- Some couples feel like over time their problems will disappear.
- Worry about offending / placing blame on others.
But love is not just saying “I love you”. Love needs commitment and action.
Arguing with your spouse leads to hurt
In normal cases, arguments will make one or both of the partners feel hurt.
This negative feeling will pile up on those feelings collected from previous arguments. In fact, when one party can’t contain the feelings anymore, their marriage will begin to really feel the strain. That is why date night is a priority when married. It allows you time to grow from the stress of life.
Arguing with your spouse
It doesn’t matter if you and your spouse have differences in opinion or preferences. What matters is, if you can’t avoid having arguments, that you argue the “right way”
How you deal with and resolve those differences will determine the health of your marriage. Here are 10 rules that you must follow should you choose to argue.
10 Rules to argue with your spouse the right way
- Avoid abuse and physical violence. If your conversation gets too intense, take a break. Try standing if you are sitting down. If you are sitting down, then lie down. If you are lying down, get up and go wash your face. Or simply walk away for a breather.
- Avoid making your partner wrong or that everything is their fault. This will come across as a personal attack on them which is never good. Instead, let your partner know how his/her actions made you feel. Remember, you are responsible for your feelings, not your partner.
- Be responsible. Don’t argue about one thing if something else is bothering you. It is important to not compound one issue on top of another when arguing with your spouse. This will guarantee that no issue will be solved.
- Don’t take things personally. Whatever your partner said, it is not about you or what you have said. It is his/her interpretation or meaning put to what he/she heard or saw. If you take it personally, you’ll be upset and you may say or do things that make it worse.
- Give up the need to be right. You might win the argument, but you’ll have to pay the cost. Instead, focus on resolving the issue. Work on a solution as a couple not by adopting the solution you want.
- To be misunderstood is a common thing in verbal communication. To avoid unnecessary fighting, repeat to your partner what you understand about his/her motive or what he/she said to make sure you understand. So, be sure to listen to the words being spoken, not the body language they are showing.
- Don’t let any argument escalate into a fight by bringing up hurtful events from the past. Let the past stay where it belongs, in the past.
- No name-calling, please. It will definitely make the argument get out of control.
- Give up the urge to invalidate your partner. You might feel satisfied but it won’t last and will only hurt your marriage.
- Before you go to sleep, forgive your partner and yourself too. You’ll have peace of mind and wake up fresh, energetic, and ready to move on rather than carrying your problems to the next day.
Whether your argument is on something as tiny as where to hang your towels in your bathroom, or something of large proportion it is important to learn how to argue with your spouse.
By following these rules for arguing with your spouse it will lead to better communication, better problem solving, and growth within your marriage.