Initiating Sex: Do Men (Always) Have to Make the First Move?

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Do men wish women were initiating sex more often?

Rumor is that men are getting a little tired of always initiating sex. In fact, this isn’t just a rumor. Studies show that men initiate twice as many times as women.

If you find this to be true in your relationship, perhaps it is time to initiate sex, but how do we make the first move with our spouses?

How Do Men Feel About Women Initiating Sex?

Men love to see you take charge in the bedroom. In fact, one of the top male sexual fantasies is seeing their partner turn into a tigress in bed.

Men generally don’t mind making the first move, especially when it leads to intimacy.

However, they wouldn’t mind if you initiated sex every once in a while. When men want sex their signals are pretty obvious – if you get my drift, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, let’s go to the bedroom. 

How to Make the First Move?

When it comes to making the first move, women are much more subtle. We might hug, kiss, or cuddle, but you leave the sexual advances up to your man.

So why don’t you initiate sex?

Studies have found women don’t usually initiate sex, quite simply because they don’t have to. Most women know that their husbands will initiate sex every night of the week. Plus some women feel like they are too busy for sex

The problem with letting our spouses always initiating sex is that they don’t know when we actually want to have sex! 

He might even think that you are only being intimate because you feel like you “have to”

 A common myth is that men are always horny and therefore ready for sex.

Feeling Rejected, and Shy About Sex

Feeling Rejected, and Shy About Sex

Some women don’t initiate sex because they fear being rejected or are a little bit shy about initiating sex. 

Did you know that men refuse sex with their partners at the same rate as females?

Rejection is hard for either gender.

Once a woman is rejected when she tries to initiate sex she might be a little slow to do it again. We have to remember that some days our partners just aren’t into it, just like we aren’t, and that is okay!

Try again later or the next day. I mean honestly, there is nothing more invigorating to a guy than a woman who initiates sex with your husband.

How to Initiate Sex with your spouse

If you are sitting here reading this going, Okay! I am going to do it. I am going to initiate sex with my spouse, but you don’t know where to start, here are some great tips on how to initiate sex with your spouse!

  • Go to bed at the same time. 
  • Leave your phone in the other room. 
  • Show him you want to initiate sex. 
  • Don’t be embarrassed about being into him. 
  • Be creative when initiate sex. 
  • Dress the part. 
  • Send him texts throughout the day letting him know your plans after the kids are in bed. 
  • Giving a sensual massage.
  • Inviting him to join you for a shower or bath.
  • Stripping off your clothes one piece at a time.
  • Stimulating all of his senses with scents, music, food, and sexy lingerie.
  • Follow through!

There are so many fun options that being creative is half the fun of creating new initiating habits.

Surveys show couples believe both partners should initiate sex with equal frequency

According to surveys men and women both feel like partners should initiate sex equally. If this is the case, why doesn’t it happen then?

A majority of couples get stuck in an initiating rut, resentment builds, power struggles ensue and sex starts to be something you just check off the to-do list.

When you find yourself in this rut it is time to stop blaming each other and start focusing on what type of initiation rut has been created. 

How to Communicate About Initiating Sex

How to Communicate About Initiating Sex

We always here that communication is key when it comes to sex, but sometimes we find it hard to communicate about this topic with our spouse.

Believe it or not, our husbands want us to tell them what arouses them. And I am sure the same goes for you too, you want your husband to tell you what he would like.

So instead, of just wondering what he wants, talk to him and have an open dialogue about how to initiate sex in a way that he likes and vice versa.

Talk about what arouses you

What do you like when it comes to initiating sex? What does he like? 

Take some time to talk about it! Maybe it is as simple as telling your husband in the morning that you can’t wait to make love with them that night or maybe he wants something a little more. 

The more you talk about what each other like the more in tune you will be with one another and initiating sex becomes easy. 

There you have it! Simple and easy ways on how to initiate sex with your spouse!

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7 thoughts on “Initiating Sex: Do Men (Always) Have to Make the First Move?”

  1. @Laura88, that was well said and much better than Dr Trina. As a man I am tired of asking my wife to do more in the bedroom. Then she says she gives me subtle hints but those hints are the same as her just saying she loves me. Like kisses on the neck or when she asks me to tickle her back with my fingers. She basically gives me signals that can be used at any time of the day but not meant to for sex.

    We could easily go weeks without sex until I do something. And by something I am the one that has to touch her vagina or just put my face in it. We have talked about sex and still she wont change. She has zero imagination in the bedroom. She even bought teddies to wear for me but, she NEVER wears them. NEVER. She says she loves sex with me and wants it all of the time but will never put herself into the position to have it. Like she will stay up as late as possible watching TV or playing on her phone then not take a shower before bed and leave her underwear on. She falls asleep on the couch watching TV. She basically does nothing to prioritize sex.

    I feel like even after the numerous talks on sex nothing is going to change.

    And Dr. Trina should not be writing anymore in regards to sex as she still puts everything back onto the man to do everything.

  2. I don’t know if i can initiate sex with my man,but atleast if i have to do it,he better receive me well!

  3. As a man myself reading this article, I too felt like the good doctor was just putting it right back on our shoulders. I too very much appreciate the seemingly better understanding that Laura 88 has on the subject. Furthermore, a man who is really good at reading the subtle hints and cues of a woman is most likely a player, and that is why he is good at it because that’s what he does, and any woman who wants that in a man would be a fool because he is likely putting those skills to use and sleeping around on her all of the time.

  4. Laura88 I am a guy and seriously you are speaking the truth. Nothing should be told and then happen a couple of days later. Yes us guys are a kind of simple in he way that we are direct and don’t do wel to subtle behaviour. But we can listen and take things on board. My advice would be just to every so often (every month or so) just take your man. Start just by sitting on his lap and kissing him like a teenager and after a minute of that just saying how you want him. I am sure you can tell how much he would want you by then. Don’t worry about the over hyped feminist world we live in and get caught up in male purile Sterotyping. Seriously. So many of us guys want our partners to be true equals. But it’s also hard when, as I said before, we aren’t that great at subtlety. It doesn’t have to be that often. But every now and then. Just be a bit animalistic and enjoy each other physically.

  5. Laura 88 sounds like you need to write a article. This female doctor just made me feel like it’s a lost cost.

  6. This was so unhelpful for me! I am a woman, looking for ideas on how to initiate sex more often with my boyfriend & came across your website. I guess I was expecting some concrete suggestions, such as “do x, y & z.” Instead, I read sarcastic remarks & lots of subtle denigrating comments.

    “What century were you born in?”
    “Instead of sulking about it…”
    “And if you men could stop your whining for just one second…”
    “Yes, yes, I know that means some thinking on your part.”

    Wow. Not exactly pillow talk. And I would venture to say that if I said things like that to my boyfriend, he’d probably never feel safe enough to tell me what’s on his mind ever again.

    And while you finally gave some advice in the last paragraph, you still put the responsibility back on the man. He has to tell her. Yea…I get it. But I really wanted to surprise my guy. I was married to a man for 8 years who NEVER initiated anything romantically. So, I told him it’d be great if he’d do spontaneous romantic things, such as drawing me a candlelit bath, etc.

    Two days later, he drew me a candlelit bath. It was very anticlimactic. Because there was no surprise element.

    If a guy has to say “I need you to initiate sex with me by coming to bedroom and doing a strip tease dance and straddling me, and kissing every inch of my body…etc.” And then I do that…well, it takes some of the surprise element out of it. And once again, a guy must wonder if I would have done it on my own initiative, rather than by his own suggestion.

    I have to think that it would blow his mind if he didn’t even ask for it & suddenly his girl just does it. Right? That’s what I’m looking for.

    And I find that when I make my guy feel more desirable, more masculine, more appreciated…then I get more of the cuddles and kisses throughout the day that meet my needs for intimacy.

    However, if I talked to him the way you did in your response, he would definitely withdraw from me.

    Again, I was really looking for specific examples of exactly how to make that first move. This article was not helpful to me at all.

    • Laura88. I know this was over 7 years ago but wow. I found your comments so amazing I couldn’t help but reply. Your comments are what all of us men want to hear our wifes/GFs thinking. It’s an all too feminist world now a days when women keep telling men, “well just tell us what you want”. I long for my girlfriend to initiate, I would give anything for her to of spoken the words you did or even think along the same lines. To us men, it’s amazing that all women don’t think this way, but they don’t. Coming on to your man checks off soo many of his boxes. It’s not only covering the physical intimacy box, but it also let’s us see you want us, you crave us over all the other men we see our, you accept us, you desire us, you care about pleasing us as much as we do you, you respect us, you trust us. It’s not about a man’s world or a woman’s world’s, it’s how to show your partner you care about them. Having a strong physical bond helps with emotional bonding in between. There can be many things in life that deter out minds away from working on our relationships, but we have to remember to focus on intimacy as it is what bonds our relationships over everyone walking around us, and it helps is be stronger together or apart rather than weaker, and most importantly it makes the harder things in life easier to deal with. Keep your relationship the focus (even more than your extended family) as in as long as your relationship is strong, you can better help your other loved ones. I would guarantee you succeeded in loving your man, and I bet you’re still together today. Great read Laura88. To the author of the article I can’t say the same.

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