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70 Funny Zombie Jokes – Walking Dead Jokes

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We’ve all heard of stand-up comedians, but what about Walking Dead zombie jokes? These hilarious jokes may make you laugh yourself to death.

Or, they could leave you a little brain dead! Either way, I hope they keep those pesky zombies at bay!

Funny Walking Dead Zombie Jokes

Why do zombies prefer to eat straight-A students?

Because they have big brains!

Why could the zombie not get his dream job as a chef?

Because his cooking was rotten!

What do you call a zombie who’s eating brains?

A no brainer!

What does a zombie do when he’s sick?

He groans and coffins!

Why didn’t the zombie cross the road?

Because there were no brains on the other side!

How does a zombie like his steak done?

Flesh and raw-r!

Why did the policeman lock the zombie up for the night after pulling him over?

Because the zombie couldn’t walk in a straight line.

What did the zombie order at the fast-food restaurant?

A quarter brainer and fries!

What are a zombie’s favorite colors?

Blood red and grey matter pink!

How did the zombie get promoted?

He created a horde of zombies!

What do you call a bite from a cold zombie?

A frostbite!

How do zombies fall asleep?

They count brain cells!

What do zombies have for breakfast?

Zombie flakes and blood!

Why was the zombie left-handed?

Because his right arm dropped off!

Why was the zombie always grinning?

Because he had no lips!

What holiday do zombies celebrate each year?

The day of the apocalypse!

What flowers do zombie women love to receive on Valentine’s Day?

Carnivorous flowers!

Why was the zombie shy?

Because he was once bitten!

What’s a zombie’s favorite attire?

Blood splats!

Why did the zombie retire from eating brains?

Because his teeth and jaw fell out!

How did the zombie get ready for her dinner date?

She got dressed up to kill!

Why did the zombie forget to go to the meeting?

Because he was braindead.

Where do zombies congregate?

On either hemisphere of the brain!

Why did the zombie have to consult a behavioral therapist?

Because he couldn’t control his urges to eat brains!

What did the zombie band call themselves?

The Walking Dead!

Why did the zombie nod off to sleep?

He was dead tired!

How much do zombies earn eating brains?

No sense!

What forms part of a complete zombie diet?

Plenty of whole brains!

Why can a zombie never be a comedian?

Because the alive don’t think zombies are funny!

How do zombies greet their dinner guests?

They say, “pleased to eat you!”

How did the zombie feel about meeting his long-distance girlfriend for the first time?

He was dying to meet her!

What’s a zombie’s favorite kind of suburb?

A dead-end or kill-de-sac!

What’s a zombie’s favorite drink?

A shot of te-kill-ya!

What is a zombie’s favorite cocktail?

A Bloody Mary!

What do zombies consult to find out their futures?

Horror-scopes!

Why did the zombie get rushed to the hospital?

Because he was in a grave condition.

How do zombies dance?

Step, step, groan, repeat!

How do zombies start off a good night?

With a human snack!

Why did the zombie lose the quiz show?

Because he kept saying the answer to each question was brains.

Which is a zombie’s favorite room in a house?

The living room!

Who do zombies avoid eating, and why?

Clowns, because they taste funny!

What do you call a line of zombies approaching?

A dead-line!

Who accompanied the zombie to the restaurant?

His ghoul-friend!

Why couldn’t the zombie hunt people anymore?

Because he had lost his guts!

Why do you call a zombie who’s good at eating brains?

Dead-icated!

Why did the zombie burn no calories while exercising? 

Because he was walking while dead!

How did the zombie help the other zombie screw in the lightbulb?

He gave him his hand!

Why did the zombie never need to go to the hairdresser?

Because he had un-dead ends!

What did the zombie give his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day?

A box of brains and a deady bear!

Why can’t zombies have pets?

Because they’d eat their brains!

What do you get when you cross a zombie with a legume?

A zom-bean!

Why was the zombie sad?

Because he just wanted to be with zombodie he loved!

What do zombies do on their time off?

They brainstorm!

What weather do zombies love best?

B-rain!

What do zombies say before they eat?

Bone Appetit!

Why won’t zombies enter beauty pageants?

Because they believe that beauty is only skin deep!

How do zombies measure time?

In decay-eds!

What car does a zombie dream of driving?

A monster truck!

What currency do zombies use?

Crypto-currency!

What do you get when you cross a zombie with rotten milk?

Zom-brie!

What icy dessert do zombies love?

Eyes cream!

What do you call a stripey zombie?

A zom-bee!

What are zombies afraid of?

Crypt-onite!

What should you never give a zombie?

A piece of your mind!

What the name of the 1940’s hit song zombies love to listen to?

Diamonds are a ghoul’s best friend!

Why did the zombie fail the test?

Because he plague-gerized his answers!

What do you get when you cross a baby with a zombie?

A zom-bae!

Which kind of pizza is a zombie’s favorite?

Bite-sized ones!

What do you call a Mexican zombie?

Zombre!

What do you call a zombie on the hunt?

The working dead!

Conclusion:

Zombies are indeed no laughing matter. But, that doesn’t mean they can’t be the main topic of a few mean zombie jokes!

If you liked these, don’t forget to read through these spooky Halloween jokes and knock-knock jokes!

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