At what point in a relationship does the guy stop caring about romance? Is it the moment where he will no longer kiss her with lipstick on? Or is it when his full frontal genital scratching is unabashedly on display?
Dr. Trina’s Point
Brian, guys don’t seem to get that as a relationship matures, he needs to up the romance pleasure stakes. Sadly instead men take ten big steps back.
Accounts from many a woman found when she first got together with her guy, his daily love-emails would fill her entire Inbox. Oodles of flowers would fill her house or office. “You’re so beautiful” would be liberally sprinkled into every conversation. Of course with all of his magnificent attention she felt like a goddess and not surprisingly looked for every opportunity to have sex with her adoring man.
Only a few short months later her knight in shining armor’s romance quotient seemed to expire and his ability to woo turned into a romance no-man’s-land. No love notes, only occasional “I love you’s”, almost zero compliments (even when she made a lot of effort to get dolled up). And then there’s the whole, “I don’t like kissing you with lipstick on” knife in the romance heart.
Guys if you’re wondering why the intensity and excitement in your sex has waned, it’s because you’re not putting as much effort into making a romantic space for the two of you.
When romance goes south, her sexual confidence becomes romance deficient blah’ness. Your confusion and frustration grows as her sexual interest wanes. Bedroom ruts begin to unfold. Both men and women feel gypped they were sold the wrong bill of goods.
Women crave romance so much that any little bone you throw will send us into an appreciation hysteria. So get off your duff and just do it.
Romantic men are considered studs. Women love, love, love the attention. Romance gives sex soulful couple connection. So if everything about romance is so gosh darn wonderful Brian, why does he stop?
Dr. Brian’s Counterpoint
Okay, okay, I admit guys could use a bit of a tune up in the romance department. The honest truth is…guys don’t ‘get’ romance.
It’s not that guys don’t enjoy quality one-on-one time with their girls, because they do. A Seagrams’ study found that 73% of men would prefer to spend a romantic evening at home than a night out with their buddies.
When a dude is ‘in love’ he is not his normal self. But, this “honeymoon” phase eventually ends and they revert back to that emotionless, caveman-like persona they were taught at a very young age.
Another problem with romance is that things like flowers, chocolate fondues, strawberry bubble baths and lavender massage oils are ‘girly.’ Many guys still follow the masculinity social script. It’s hard for them to veer off, even if he really loves you.
Guys and girls view romance differently. Guys quite often equate romance with sex. How many women have tried to give hubby a nice relaxing massage with him trying to turn it into a sex fest?
But just because your guy deleted 1-800-SEND-FDT from his cell phone, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. Guys have different ways of expressing their love towards you girls. His way might be to wash your car or get the kids out of your hair for awhile.
So Trina, here’s a couple of tips to keep a relationship romantic.
- Tell your partner what you find romantic and ask the same of them.
- Take turns planning romantic evenings or weekends together.
- Marking them on the calendar helps both individuals remember.
- Use your imagination and don’t be afraid to try something new.
- Long-term couples should continue going on dates. Movies, dinners, plays, sports, whatever you both like doing as a couple will keep you closer together.
And remember, romance isn’t just for Valentine’s day.