Is it just me, or do women really become different people when they are trying to conceive. Some might say—oh—obsessed. It is like a robotic chip has been placed in their brains and they become baby-making machines.
“I just love baby sex” a girlfriend confided. When asked why, she confided that her sex drive had gone through the roof and that she and her husband had not had that much sex for a long time.
Always happy to hear people enjoying their sexuality, I still had to caution her. The focus and determination many women have to get pregnant can backfire if they are not successfully pregnant in the first six to eight months.
Essentially, the innate female need to get pregnant—especially for those whose biological clock is screaming “TICK TOCK”—can push sexuality from pleasure making to marathon sport.
I have visions of women behaving like Charlotte from reruns of the TV show ‘Sex and the City’. A very determined to get pregnant Charlotte was having sex with her husband AND talking about which guests to invite to their dinner party. Sex had become a means to an end and her husband Trey simply a sperm donor.
When women are in the baby-making zone and conception does not happen in the first three months, their determination can wear down. The disappointment of trying so hard and ‘failing’ can dampen even the most zealous procreator. And after six or eight months, disappointment and failure can turn into stressed-out and distraught feelings.
And then your sex will really start to suck…and not in a fun erotic way. Which turns sex into an, ‘come on let’s get it over with—get on, get it, get out’ chore because, well, you’re trying to conceive. Not good.
If there is no proper communication between the couple to express how they are feeling, the ability to be sexual with one another can be seriously jeopardized.
So here is the deal on helping to keep your sexuality and sensuality intact while trying to conceive. First and most importantly, RELAX.
I realize telling a woman who is in baby making sex mode to relax is like telling an angry person to stop being so angry. Yet, staying calm and not taking this stage in your life too seriously will help you, help your partner and ultimately help your relationship. Then, when a baby does come, instead of dealing with an infant and a sex life that has fallen apart, you only have to deal with the newborn.
Next, say these words with me: “I am not in control of the fertility process.”
With healthy couples, there are a multitude of things that must occur for conception to take place. If everything is done right, the chances of conception are about 25%. This percentage drops to 15 when the couple is in their late twenties.
As you can see, this whole process is out of your control.
Certainly, there are things a couple can do to help conception along, like lie still for half an hour after copulation. However, I believe the most important thing you can do is to keep a healthy attitude and perspective when conception has not taken place for that month.
Worrying and fretting are not going to make the sperm and egg come together any quicker. It will stress you out, decreasing your chance for conception. It will also make it less desirable to keep trying.
If conception has not taken place after 12 months of unprotected, regular intercourse, it is time to seek guidance from a medical professional.
So RELAX and enjoy your baby-making sex.