It is only natural for moms to wonder if they are doing a good job as a mom? Constantly we wonder things like “how to be a good mom?” and “Am I a good mom?”
All moms struggle with the question of whether she is doing a good mom and doing a good job as a mother.
It’s only natural to worry about our children. And whenever one of them does something wrong, we ask ourselves if we did anything to cause the behavior. In those times, we may find ourselves wondering, “am I a good mom?”
In moments of uncertainty, it is easy for us to start overanalyzing everything starting to question if we even belong in the good moms club!
So how do you be a good mother? Are there certain qualities I should have? Should I do certain things? Say certain things? Say yes or no to my kids more? How do we define, “What is a good mother?”
What is a Good Mother?
Many of us wonder, What is a good mother and qualities does she have?
First of all, when we talk about what is a good mother we need to realize this does not mean perfection! No mom is perfect nor do we really want to be perfect, do we?
A good mother strives to be the best she can be. Along her journey of motherhood she makes mistakes, she admits them, then she dusts herself off and tries again.
That’s the beauty of how to be a good mom, she just keeps trying to be the best she can be.
A good mother is selfless but yet recognizes that she does need “me time” to take care of her family.
Good moms teach their children right from wrong even when it is hard. They are there for their kids when they need them most, but then let them soar on their own when they are ready.
And when good moms kids fall, they are there to help them up, dust them off, and encourage them to just keep trying!
There are so many more qualities that make up what is a good mother. So how do we be a good mom? How do we reach the good mom category?
How to Be a Good Mom?
So, of course, there is the age-old question of how to be a good mom? What do we do to reach good mom’s status in life?
Here are 10 tips on how to be a good mom that you can do!
1. Release the inner critic
Being a good mom means that you release your inner critic.
No mother should ever compare herself to any other parent. Just like children, no two mothers are alike, and each parenting style has its own place.
We are always our own worst critic, and it is far too easy to compare ourselves to Susie Homemaker or Cathy Corporate and every other mom we meet on Instagram.
We usually find ourselves wondering why can’t I be more like (fill in the blank…) but what we don’t realize at that moment is that we are typically comparing our worst to their best.
So as we release our inner critic we really do start feeling that we are doing a good job and actually belong in the good moms club.
2. Your best is good enough
We all strive to do our best, but the problem begins when we feel like our best isn’t good enough.
No matter what we do, we might feel that our efforts come up short, but just think for a minute about how your son or daughter sees it, especially while they’re young.
Do you think they will see that mom never had the money to buy them the Halloween costume they wanted?
No, instead they will remember the fun times they had helping you make their costumes, even if those costumes never turned out exactly right.
Kids won’t remember the things that they had, but they will remember the memories that you create together.
3. Take better care of yourself so that your best is possible
Self-care is an important part of being a mother. A mom who doesn’t take care of herself is unable to take care of her children.
For example, a mom who is extremely sick and doesn’t take the time to go to the doctor may become weaker and weaker until she can’t even get up to get her child food.
On the other hand, if she went to the doctor and got some antibiotics, the illness wouldn’t have been so bad and it would all have been over in a couple of days.
The same is true of healthy mothers.
A mother who never takes time out for herself will feel stressed and unloved. When she feels stressed and unloved, she is unable to love others, especially her children.
So take the time for you. Read a book, soak in the tub, exercise, get a pedicure. Whatever it is that will make you feel better and come back refreshed do that so you can keep being a good mom.
4. Less is more
Children, especially when they are young, enjoy the simple things in life.
Kids may not remember the elaborate lengths you went through to throw them the perfect birthday party. They won’t remember the big pile of presents.
But they will remember that one small special gift you bought or that special mommy and I date to the ice cream store.
A child’s focus is scattered onto so many things all at once, but these small moments you create will shine a bright light on your child’s memories.
5. Communication is the key to being a good mom
Communication is key when we are trying to figure out how to be a good mom.
Regardless of how much your child does or doesn’t talk to you, communication is about much more than the number of words that come out of your child’s mouth.
It’s about being actively involved in their interests.
Spend some time listening to your son’s music or sit and play video games them.
Just realize that knowing what interests your child has will give you an insight into him that you never would be able to have otherwise, even if you try to spark a conversation with him.
No matter if you are busy if your kids start talking to you (especially those teenagers) listen. This is when they might need you the very most.
Establish good communication early with your kids so that when parenting them gets more difficult you have years of practice of communicating with them.
6. Date your kids individually
Every child needs to feel important, and one of the best ways to make your children important is to spend time with each of them individually.
Sure, family time is important, but make sure that you have some time set aside for each child, and use this time to communicate and learn about their interests.
7. Set Reasonable Expectations
Setting reasonable expectations is one of the key secrets on how to be a good mom.
When you have little ones running around you can’t expect the house to be spotless. Just like when you have teenagers you can’t expect them to tell you everything happening in their life down to the smallest detail.
As we set reasonable expectations moms are happier, are less stressed and life seems to go smoother for everyone in the family.
8. Do less well
Often we feel like we have to be Super Mom, wear boots and a cape, and fly around and do everything.
We think we have to have a perfectly clean house all the time, help our kids with their homework, research and deliver a presentation that wows our client over the dinner hour and still have a hot, homemade meal on the dinner table at home.
Of course, in reality, it’s pretty hard to do all of this at the same time, so just choose one thing you can focus on and do it very well.
Maybe you’re not a very good cook, but you have a knack for research and presentations.
Just focus on your work presentation and help your kids do homework afterward over a late dinner from the local takeout.
9. Make sure the discipline matches the crime
Kids are bound to need discipline in their lives. Good moms take each situation and assign a punishment based on the crime.
If kids are old enough let them help asses reasonable punishments. If the child is too young to understand this, make sure that the punishment is directly related to what she did.
10. Allow your kids to fail
No parent should ever run around behind their child fixing all of their mistakes. Of course, it’s important to be there if your child makes a big mistake and to make sure he knows that he can turn to you.
But sometimes it is necessary to let him fail.
If his girlfriend breaks up with him because he spent too much time playing video games and not enough time with her, let him figure out on his own what he did wrong.
It’s OK to clue him in, but don’t fix it for him.
He will never learn how to live life and fix problems himself if mom is always there to make corrections.
Remember, being a good enough mom isn’t a matter of perspective. It’s a fact that you are already good enough. You only have to believe that you are.