61 Kinky Husband and Wife Jokes for Couples

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Several things might make you feel closer to your partner as a couple. It could be your love for food, your fondness for travel, or the big ambitions you share for the future.

Another element that brings most couples together is humor. Who doesn’t want to sit on the couch with the love of their life, holding a glass of wine in one hand, and laugh the evening away?

Do you know what adds more spice and excitement to humor between couples? It’s when that humor is kinky and flirtatious.

Are you hoping to confide in your partner about all the dirty thoughts you’ve harbored? Or maybe you’re just looking to bring back the passion in your relationship. Whatever your reason, kinky jokes always do the trick.

If you wish to ignite or rekindle the fire of romance in your marriage, we’ve got the perfect husband-wife jokes you can share with your spouse.

Flirty Husband Wife Jokes to Tell Your Partner

Flirty Husband Wife Jokes to Tell Your Partner

Who wouldn’t want to enjoy some sultry banter with their partner? Flirty husband wife jokes are a great way to initiate laughter and conversations.

Let’s dive right in to explore some kinky jokes that couples can tell one another.

What did the slice of bread hear from the toaster?

Oh, I so want you inside me.

What does Pinocchio often hear from his lover?

She says, “Lie to me! Lie to me!”

My husband and I lived in joy for ten years, and then we met each other.

Why doesn’t a woman blink before foreplay?

Because there isn’t enough time.

I’ve spent the last three years looking for my wife’s killer.
I still haven’t found a person willing to do it.

What is the name given to an expert fisherman?

A master baiter.

Did you hear the story about the man who ejaculated without a penis?

He ended up coming out of nowhere.

Honey, am I the only one you’ve ever been with?

Yes, the others were all sevens or eights.

Do you know why I love you so much?

Because you’re exactly like coffee: Hot, sweet, and you keep me up all night.

What did the wife say to her husband when he tried to make breakfast?

“I love you a waffle lot!”

Why was the computer cold?

It left its Windows open. The wife said, “Just like you!”

What do you call two spiders who just got married?


Why did the husband bring a map to bed?

He wanted to find the right spot to snuggle!

What did the husband say when he dropped the butter?

“Oops, I’ve butterfingers, just like when I first met you!”

Why did the wife take her husband to dance class?

So he could improve his “mover-ability”!

Why did the wife always win at cards?

Because her husband couldn’t stand to see her “heart” broken!

Why did you marry me?

Because you’re my soulmate, and also because my house was really dirty.

What secret ingredient to a happy, long-lasting marriage?

Find a woman who can take care of the household, someone who is wild in bed, and one who is financially blessed. Ensure that these three women never come face-to-face with one another.

The wife got angry at her husband for pulling out. She told him that it was a dick move.

Why couldn’t the husband speak to his wife for several years?

Because she asked him never to interrupt her.

What is the name given to a man who weeps while pleasuring himself?

A tearjerker.

What is common between a dildo and tofu?

They can both be used as substitutes for meat.

What happens when you mix birth control and LSD?

You get a trip without kids.

How can a penis be compared to life?

They both get hard when one is least expecting it.

When should a couple make use of condoms?

They should use it on every conceivable occasion.

What is the similarity between procrastination and masturbation?

It all feels great until you realize that you’re just screwing yourself.

Why will you never find a pregnant Barbie doll?

It’s because Ken comes in another box.

There was once a man who was addicted to masturbation. He then got addicted to sex. It’s safe to say that his addiction got out of hand.

Dr. Pepper exclusively comes in a bottle. Why do you think that is?

It’s because his wife died.

What is the common point between sex and a game of bridge?

Even if you do not have a good partner, it’s essential to have a good hand.

What does a receptionist say to the clients while they leave the sperm bank?

Thank you for coming.

How can you differentiate between marriage and love?

While love might be blind, marriage is undoubtedly an eye-opener.

How is a wife similar to a freezer?

They both take several hours of defrosting to get wet.

How are men different from women?

Women only fake their orgasms, whereas men can fake an entire relationship.

My husband just discovered an origami porn channel. However, it’s a paper view only.

What is the main difference between a job and a wife?

At least a job still sucks after a decade.

A single man often fantasizes about having a gorgeous, kind, and loving wife. A married man wishes for the same thing.

Who is the kid who refuses to grow up and move away from you?

Your husband.

What did the vulva hear from the clitoris?

Hey, it’s all good in the hood.

What do you think goes inside someone dry and hard but ends up coming out wet and soft?

A piece of gum.

How can you make a pool table crack up?

All you have to do is tickle its balls.

What is the difference between condoms and husbands?

Condoms have evolved, as they are no longer insensitive and thick.

How can a man truly satisfy his wife sexually?

By moving away from the bed and sleeping on the sofa.

People often say that their wedding was the happiest day of their lives. Well, clearly, they’ve never had multiple chocolate bars fall out of a vending machine at the same time.

The husband tells his wife, “I want to know when you have your next orgasm.” The wife replies, “I wouldn’t want to bother you while you’re in your office.”

What is the difference between a woman about to get married and a man about to get married?

While a woman awaits a shower, a man hopes to get as dirty as he can before his wedding.

What is the common point between bacon and a wife?

They’re both great in terms of taste, smell, and looks. However, they will both cause a slow death.

What would happen if one was to breed a rooster with an owl?

You would get a cock that stays awake throughout the night.

What is the similarity between sex and thunderstorms?

You can never tell how long it will last or how many inches one might get.

What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A husband will make efforts to look for a golf ball.

How can you tell the difference between ‘Aaah’ and ‘ooooh’?

Well, the difference is about three inches.

What do you think comes to post 69?


What is the point of difference between 365 used condoms and a tire?

While one is a Goodyear, the other is a great year.

What is the best method to love your neighbor?

When their spouse is away on business.

Apparently, the act of sex can help you burn the same amount of calories as running eight miles, the wife read. The husband wondered how it could run eight miles in merely 30 seconds on earth.

The wife kept screaming, “Give it to me! I’ve become so wet. Give it to me right now!” but the husband refused to give his umbrella.

What did the police do after two men broke into a pharmacy and stole the entire stock of Viagra?

An alert was issued to be careful about spotting two hardened criminals.

What is the reason behind Santa’s heavy sack?

It’s because Santa only comes once every year.

What did one saggy breast say to the other?

If we don’t receive support, everyone will think we’re nuts.

What question did the naked man hear from the elephant?

“How do you breathe through that tiny thing?”

What is a comment that the people born in September often hear?

I guess your parents started the new year with a bang!

Why is Humor Important in a Relationship?

Humor is not only crucial in someone’s life, but it’s immensely important in a relationship. Here’s why couples can benefit from resorting to humor:

  • Humor helps reduce stress and anxiety, and when those negative feelings are out of the way, you feel better equipped to handle your relationship and devote time to it.
  • Humor leads to better communication. When someone laughs with you, they’re not laughing at you. It lightens the ambiance and makes it easier to have discussions and keep a calm mind instead of resorting to fights and arguments.
  • Humor is great for physical intimacy. If you and your partner can laugh in bed, remember that you can get through the most challenging times together.
  • When you laugh together over different topics, there are a lot of inside jokes you develop with your partner. This boosts your bond and allows you to share something only known by the two of you, which is exceptional in many ways.

When you’re in a good headspace, that is when you can provide quality time to your partner. Therefore, it aids in enhancing your bond with your better half.


Are you trying to get your spouse’s attention? Or maybe they’ve been having a rough time, and you just want to make them laugh? If your partner shares your sense of humor, chances are that they will love hearing some hilariously flirty jokes from you.

Which of these would you share with your spouse? Let us know in the comments.

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