For the first time in my life, I am not looking forward to the Christmas holidays. I am not looking forward to the month of December and would rather hibernate and wake up on January 2nd. I am not interested in putting up a tree or any decorations. I am not interested in shopping or even listening to Christmas music. I cringe when I see mistletoe and want to close my eyes when I drive past decorated houses.
You are probably wondering why I am such a bah-humbug and why I am so negative. I have a good reason. My husband died suddenly on August 31st at the young age of 44. The love of my life, my best friend and soulmate died. When Darin died, a part of me died as well. The fun loving and spiritual part of Ann that loved the holidays.
The grief books all say to celebrate the holidays. It is important to move forward and continue traditions, especially when there are children in the family. As much as I want to run away and hide I have made a decision. The kids and I are going to celebrate the holidays this year. We are going to buy a new smaller Christmas tree and decorate the house. We are going to do our usual Christmas Eve traditions and spend Christmas Day with Darin’s family. We know that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be tough but we need to do this in order to heal.
I know there will be many tears. My eyes well up just thinking about celebrating without him. The kids and I will get through it. We will be surrounded by Darin’s family and together we remember all the Christmas we got to spend with such a wonderful husband and dad.