Why Good People Decide to Cheat

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The reality is there are too many unsatisfying and empty relationships. And it’s the major reason why infidelity statistics are so high.

People place a greater value and priority on their careers, children, friends or hobbies than on their partner. Consequently in today’s instant gratification society, at least half of men and women find the quick fix of what they need outside of their relationship.

As much as you might contest it, I bet under the right conditions you might do the same thing. Many people will sheepishly confirm that falling into an extramarital situation is surprisingly easy.

How can a good person with honest intentions turn out to be a cheating spouse?

Think back to when you started a new relationship. After the luster of the honeymoon phase was over and the relationship becomes “work”, circumstances such as kids, overwork and financial difficulties force the couple to dog-paddle in very deep water.

This becomes the juncture where many couples—instead of turning to each other for support—turn against each other. Their once perfect partner now turns into the target for all the angst, uncertainty and frustration going on in the relationship. That all so important emotional connection is severed and, not surprisingly, the sex stops or is unbearably infrequent.

Somewhere along the way—feeling lonely, helpless, emotionally void and not sexy—the spouse meets someone. That someone takes an interest, or perhaps there is a mutual chemistry. The love-drug starts producing all of its wonderful chemicals in the brain. Not every person will act on this impulse, and yet at least half of the population does.

There you have it: a perfectly nice person having an affair and the couple is then just another infidelity statistic.

People who cheat usually do not feel good about their choice. Plus, the payoff for their actions feels great because they have the love-drug pumping through their veins. So if it is easy and there is a high payoff, why wouldn’t they?

Unfortunately, as with any easy instant gratification, no time has been taken to figure out the cost of their actions. They are too selfish to add up the devastation that will be wreaked on their relationship.

What concerns me is now that infidelity is so everyday, no one is taking responsibility for the relationship that’s left in the wake.

On one side, the cheater would rather go outside the relationship to quick fix their emotional void. On the other side, many cheated-ons are so distraught they allow themselves to fall into a victim role.

Victims usually point the finger of blame at someone else. Men and women are more likely to blame the other man/ woman for the indiscretion than to blame the cheating spouse.

If you want to avoid becoming yet another statistic, you must nurture your relationship and not allow your relationship to limp along on autopilot. How?
(1)    Figure out what/who the top five priorities are in your life. Is your partner one of them? Do your actions follow through on your words?
(2)    Always think of your partner in positive terms instead of what is wrong, or they might go and seek approval from other sources.
(3)    Spend a minimum of three hours a week on pure one-on-one time with your partner.
(4)    Rate how easy or hard it is to communicate about difficult topics like sex or whatever is bugging you.

A strong partnership will usually not lead to cheating and will be better able to weather the storm if it does happen.


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