Do you sometimes feel your sex dance is so well choreographed that you have it timed to the minute? Minute one: clutch and grab the hot spots. Minute three: focus on her orgasm. Minute five: his turn. Minute seven: first sexual position. Minute ten: second sexual position. Minute thirteen: she’s in the bathroom de-gooing.
This may come as a shocker but the monotony of your sex might have something to do little with a woman’s lagging sexual desire or arousal. This and how couples generally put very little time, thought and energy into their relationship.
Ten Big Signs Your Sex Needs a Makeover.
(1) You see a young couple kissing and canoodling and you think back fondly, “I remember when…”
(2) Your guy gives you a little bedtime nooky elbow-nudge and you Clint Eastwood–like glower at him and growl back, “Go ahead. Make my day.”
(3) Sex? What Sex?
(4) You count the days between sex to figure when it’s time to have guilt-sex.
(5) You freeze up when your partner playfully touches you because you don’t want him getting the “wrong idea”.
(6) You start buying the ten-pack of grandma-style cotton panties from Costco.
(7) You only ever do it missionary style because it smoothes out the wrinkles and fat during sex.
(8) On a without-kids weekend getaway, having sex once a day is over the top crazy.
(9) Tucking into a good romance novel is far better than the real thing.
(10) Hot and bothered only happens to you now when the thermostat is broken.
How did you do? Sex makeover needed?
Your Drive to Have Sex
A low sex drive is not like having a flu—something you can “get over” quickly or with a pill. Sexual desire is not something you feel only prior to sex. It’s all the things that go around the sexual experience: your wish, your motivation, and your physical urge to connect in sex.
Add to this the fact that sexual desire and sexual arousal are not one and the same. Sexual arousal refers to the physical and psychological sensations that result from sexual stimulation. Sexual desire is in the brain, while sexual arousal is the body-state—both need to work in unison for a woman to want to have sex. If one or both are even a little out of sync, no sex.
It all comes down to you liking the person and wanting sex in order to have sex. Sound too simplistic to be true? Not really. For the average couple (i.e., couples who aren’t experiencing extraordinary challenges), a big barometer for any relationship is the intimacy and sex that couple is having. If something is out of whack personally, professionally or in the relationship, the sex will show it.
It’s time for both of you to take a good hard look at your sex life and how you can create many new sex dances.
|About the Author |
Dr. Trina Read writes for magazines such as Ireland’s Easy Health, Fresh, Mompreneur, Womanition and Calgary Women; and had a syndicated newspaper column across Canada. Media expert, best selling author, syndicated blogger read by over 2 million viewers, relationship coach, international speaker, spokeswoman, magazine and newspaper columnist., Dr. Trina Read really is the go-to Relationship Expert.
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