You meet someone. You like them. You spend time with them. You get intimate. But how do you know if you’re both on the same page? How can you tell if he’s making love to you — or just in it for the sex?
The truth is, there is a fine line between having sex and making love. Sure, both entail pleasure, but the motivations and feelings (or lack of them) behind each one are vastly different. And it can be quite tricky to figure out which is which.
The sole purpose of just having sex is to feel pleasure and satisfy physical desires. Making love is on a whole different plane altogether. It’s not just about scratching that itch, so to speak, but about feelings and emotions and connection. Sex is something you can experience with anyone. But making love is something you can only experience with someone you feel emotionally connected to.
Yes, it may be a challenge to fully understand whether your partner is all about making love to you or if he’s just there to fulfill his needs. We’re here to help guide you! Our list of signs he is making love to you will help you figure out what exactly is going on between you two. With our list of absolute concrete signs he is making love to you, you can identify the subtle signs and determine if what you are experiencing with him is lovemaking or just intercourse.
Read on to know the signs he is making love to you so you can find out if he’s in it for the long haul and worth your time — or if you’re just a notch in his belt. You’d be better off elsewhere if intimacy and connection is what you seek.
Concrete Signs He is Making Love to You
Is it just sex, or can it be something more? Let our list of signs he is making love to you help you identify the telltale signals!
#1. He makes Foreplay a Top Priority
When it comes to the act of making love, foreplay most definitely plays a big role. Foreplay may not be as big of a deal for men, but the presence of foreplay is significant for women. If your man takes his sweet time on foreplay and makes sure he is pleasuring you best as he can, and even includes oral sex, then it reflects how much he cares about you and your feelings. He’ll patiently wait until you are in the mood and help you get there!
However, if a guy is just there for the sex, then he would pay very little attention to foreplay — or even none at all. Lovemaking, unlike sex, should involve sensual acts and gestures that will make you both desire each other more and more before you both get down to doing the actual deed.
#2. He will get Synchronized to your Body Language
Being observant of your ‘language’ while being intimate with you shows that he respects your body and he respects you. It means that he sees you as a valuable person. Communicating with each other during sex need not necessarily be verbal all the time. If your man is truly into you, he will observe your physical cues and attune to your body language. He will note your body queues and your response to his physical touch.
But if he is just all about sex, then he may not pay so much attention to your eyes, body, face, nor how you breathe or move during intimate moments. Remember that acting like this can also mean that he may feel some nerves about being with you if it’s the first time for you together.
#3. He will be Whispering Sweet words in your Ear
One of the quieter signs, literally, that he is making love to you is when you catch him whispering sweet things to you. But though quiet and under-the-radar, it’s actually an indication of how connected he feels towards you. Of course, it takes a certain level of connection to have a man whisper sweet nothings in your ear, whether during intimate moments or otherwise. And it is an indication that he is making love to you and not just there for the sex.
Not all men do this, but it adds more intimacy and spice if he gently compliments you as you are lovemaking. Of course, a relatively similar thing occurs during explicit sex. Still, the main difference is that the words he would be saying to you would probably be more vulgar and even border on offensive.
#4. There will be good Conversations
After making love to each other, there is good communication between the couple that had just been intimately together. These conversations that happen post-lovemaking may be deeper and more vulnerable because you two have shared the experience, and walls may have been dropped. You may find that you and your man talk about personal and intimate things about your lives and feelings.
If all that happened was just sex, either there are no real conversations, or you face in opposite directions in bed, or you feel a lack of interest in each other’s affairs. Or you may talk, but it will just be about how the sex was and if you want to keep doing it. There is no deep connection or bond to be felt.
#5. Eye Contact will be More prevalent Between the two of you
One key difference between making love and just having sex is the presence of eye contact or lack thereof. When the guy is just having sex with you, there’s a big chance he may not even bother to look into your eyes and establish any form of eye contact.
When your man is making love to you, he will stare into your eyes, and there will be moments when your eyes will lock into each other. The eyes are the window to the soul, as they say, and making eye contact is one of those moments that you can both express, non-verbally, what you feel for each other. And this is why eye contact is a major indicator that he is making love to you. Do keep in mind, however, if he’s not making eye contact and is rather stealing glances at you, then it could just mean that he is feeling shy.
#6. He will always have Respect for your Mood and your Boundaries
A man who desires to make love to you will focus on your mood. He will be sensitive to whether you are happy, sad, or grumpy so that he can be sure when the time is right for a little bedroom action with you. He won’t mind if he has to wait. He will do whatever you need until you are okay and ready to be intimate with him.
Lovemaking is about being aware not just of your moods but also of your boundaries. A man who makes love to you respects your boundaries, knowing that he too, like you, has boundaries that he would love to have acknowledged as well. Unlike just sex, lovemaking is a shared experience that blends and merges different feelings.
#7. He will be very Dedicated to having Good personal Hygiene
Women love it when people, things, or places smell good. One indicator that a man respects you as a woman and takes the extra step to make you feel comfortable is when he always tries his best to smell good and look good. When he takes the time to always be well-groomed for you, then you know that he’s not just after the sex.
But if he is just about the sex, then he may not even bother at all about what you think about his bad breath or un-groomed facial hair or smelly armpits. After all, he’s just aiming to have his needs satisfied and then move on. So he probably won’t even consider how his lack of personal hygiene may make you feel.
#8. He will be sure to make Room to try out New Things
When your man is making love to you, you will find that he is open to trying out new things or different sex positions with you to experience more enjoyment and pleasure with him. He will observe your facial expressions and reactions to his sensual acts and gestures. And he will, for sure, not mind at all if you initiate a new thing in your sexual encounters.
If he’s having sex with you, then it may just be a ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’ kind of deal, where he pounds on you and have it his way without really caring about how you feel and if you find pleasure in his execution. He may not even be bothered to try anything new and will stick to what he knows as long as he gets off on it. It means that there will hardly be any room for experimentation or exploration.
#9. He will Always give you Compliments
A man who is all about making love to you will always give you compliments, whether inside the bedroom out in the real world. He’ll find ways to compliment your style, your smile, how you relate with others, how you deal with things. He’ll constantly establish eye contact with you and show you how much he appreciates everything you do.
If the guy is just in it for the sex, on the other hand, he will only flatter you or objectify your features and body for his benefit. Nice words for him are just a means to his selfish end. He will not have time or make time to give you compliments — just butter you up enough so you’ll feel good, and he can have his way with you in the sack.
#10. Lovemaking will Reveal his Affection for you
Not all men find it easy to express themselves verbally. There are quite a few men who struggle with expressing how they feel. But when they are making love, the affection or feelings they are too shy to show or keep close to their chest will pour out freely. They will be more open with their emotions, which is beautiful. Men become more vulnerable and more open with feelings when lovemaking, which leads to a wonderful experience for you both.
When it’s sex and just sex, though, affection doesn’t have much of a presence. There’s no real affection there, and if there seems to be, it is just from the temporary pleasure shared at the moment by two people. So if you are getting sexual with your man and he shows you affection, it’s a good sign that he is engaging in lovemaking with you.
#11. You will Feel his Efforts to make sure you are Satisfied
When you notice your man asking you for your likes, dislikes, preferences, and even your secret fantasies and desires when you are being intimate together, that is one of the clear signs he is making love to you. He will pay attention to how you respond and react to ensure that you are on the same page as him. Then, he will keep going until he knows that he has successfully satisfied you.
Suppose what you have is purely sexual, and there is no emotional involvement. In that case, his efforts are motivated toward satisfying himself. That is a crystal clear sign that what he’s there for is just the physical side of it all.
#12. He will make Sure that you are Feeling okay
Do you find that your man ensures that you are okay both during and after being intimate with you? If your answer is yes, then it’s one of the strongest signs he is making love to you. A man who makes love will try his best for your comfort during sexual intimacy with him.
Being intimate together is most beautiful and fun when you are free of inhibitions. You feel comfortable and ready to let go of your walls to be as open as you can be to your man at the moment. And if your man is doing all he can for you to feel that way with him in bed, what you and he are doing is making love.
#13. He will want to Stay the Night
When a guy is making love to you, it’s a sign of his deeper feelings for you. It’s a way to express that he loves you beyond the physical and superficial. And so, a man who is making love to you will choose to stay the night after you engage in intimacy. He will want to have you near him, post-coitus and beyond.
Having him stay the night means that you and he get to spend more quality time with each other. It doesn’t automatically mean getting intimate again, but just being together, doing other things, or just talking and cuddling.
#14. He will keep in Touch with you after Doing the Deed with you
If your man is all about making love to you, then you will find that he will keep in touch with you outside of the bedroom. He will send you romantic, respectful, and loving messages before and after getting intimate with you. He will see how you are doing and seek to know if all is well with you. And even come by, to see you.
But if the guy is all about sex, then everything mentioned above will not be happening. He won’t call you after, and he won’t check to see if you’re okay. Instead, he’ll reach out when he feels the need to have his sexual urges satisfied. His family or close circle may not even be aware of you, and you will probably not be seen together in public. It’s just going to be about meeting up to hook up.
#15. He will Ensure that you are Calm
Getting intimate with someone entails a certain level of letting someone get close to you, so, understandably, some women feel anxiety when it comes to sex, particularly if it is their first time or their first time with the man, or if they have no idea what to expect or what they are about to get into. If your man wants to make love, he will take the time to make you feel calm and safe and ease your anxieties.
On the other end of the spectrum, if a man is solely there for the sex, he will just be annoyed at all the s-called emotional baggage. He may get irritable or lose patience, or go off and leave you alone because he can’t be bothered to tend to your feelings. Sex is sex to him, and if your anxieties prevent him from getting what he wants, then he’ll probably turn his back on you and walk away.
#16. He will create an Environment of Romance for you
A man who goes the extra mile to set the mood for you is a man who is looking to make love to you. Think candlelight, an alluring fragrance, subtle music in the background… If your man makes that much effort for you, it’s a sign that he wants to make sweet love to you.
Indeed, a guy who wants to have sex can also sometimes do many of these things to get you in bed. But there’s a limit, and most guys won’t want to go that far for someone he wants to bang. It’s fairly simple: For most men, the woman they love is the one worth going the extra mile for.
Also Read: To Revive The Romance, Start With You
#17. You will Both be Happy
When something in your life goes right or feels right, you feel happy. The same goes for intimacy between two people. When your intimate moments are lovemaking, and both of you feel the connection, you too feel happy afterward. You bask in the happy glow together, and you want to converse more with each other or cuddle in each other’s arms – anything to stay connected.
As we’ve touched on several times above, sex is not about emotions or any of that. Some guys go so far as to say it’s purely sensual, and that’s all it is. It will just be about the intercourse, and you will both feel that. There is a distinct lack of bond or connection, and rather than feel happy, you may feel empty. He may feel satisfied but ultimately still empty too.
#18. He will Treat you right outside of Intimate Moments
Treating you right while getting intimate is one of the signs he loves you. Treating you right even outside of intimate moments is another clear sign. A man who is all about making love to you will always aim to treat you well, have a great time with you no matter what you’re doing, and make himself emotionally available. He’ll set up little dates and do sweet things for you and mind his tone and words when he’s talking to you.
If it’s just about sex, however, oh, you can forget about being treated well outside of the sack. Most of your talks will revolve around sex and have very little regard for your emotions or interests, or not at all. That is a definite indicator that this guy is just looking to have sex.
#19. He will make you Feel Good about your Body
Everyone has their share of insecurities. However, most women feel insecure about how they look or about their bodies at one point or another. It could be a facial feature, skin tone, body shape. Whatever it is, if your man makes you feel good about yourself and your body, it is one of the major signs he is making love to you.
A guy who has sex on the brain will objectify you, sometimes make ugly or nasty comments about your body, wave what he perceives to be your flaws in your face, and can even make offensive statements if a part of your body affects his enjoyment or pleasure while doing it with you.
#20. You will Both find Yourselves Looking Forward to “Next Time.”
Among the biggest signs, he is making love to you is when you and he both enjoy getting intimate with each other and are looking forward to being with each other again shortly. Like a magnetic pull, you and he won’t be able to get enough of one another. Your man will take a long time sharing intimate moments with you – kissing, cuddling, and just being physically close to you however way you are comfortable doing so.
On the flip side of the coin, a man who is just having sex with you won’t care about experiencing shared intimate moments with you. He certainly won’t make time to engage in sweet little acts of affection and connection with you. Instead, he’ll probably be thinking of other things. And being with you again is not something he’ll particularly anticipate or long for.
#21. He will not be Afraid to get Vulnerable with You
Men and women are more alike than many people think. And just like women, men also have their share of insecurities — but they take their time in letting their guard down and letting someone else in. One of the most definitive signs he is making love to you is when he feels free to show his real self and let himself be vulnerable with you during your intimate moments and beyond.
On the other hand, a guy that is only having sex with you may take a long time even to expose a glimpse of vulnerability, or he will never truly let his guard down. All he wants, after all, is short-term and void of emotions, so to him, there is absolutely no point in lowering his walls and sharing his feelings with you.
#22. He will Shower you with Kisses
One of the most clear-cut and significant signs he is making love to you is when he loves kissing you. It takes a deep level of affection and connection for a man to reach the level of truly kissing someone and showering them with passionate kisses. Kissing before, during, or after getting intimate with you shows that he is in this for lovemaking.
But, and this is a big BUT, if a guy kisses you and keeps on kissing you without you giving consent, then this may be a sign that he wants to get you in bed and have his way with you, completely disregarding what you want and what you are ready for. And that is not a good thing.
#23. Your Intuition will know
We’ve discussed many signs he is making love to you above. But the truth is, sometimes you know. Sometimes when you are getting intimate with someone, you don’t need these rules or anybody to know and feel the signs he is making love to you. You feel it. There’s a connection; there’s emotion, there’s communication, there’s something beautiful blooming in your midst. And you know.
And if it’s just sex, sometimes you know it too. There’s physical satisfaction, sure, and carnal desires met. But it all feels empty. The guy is there with you, but he’s not really with you. So you’ll feel that disconnect; you’ll feel the lack of feelings. And you will know.
Some people use “having sex” and “making love” as two interchangeable things. But they are as different as night and day. Though it’s impossible to really and truly tell when a man is making love to you or just doing the deed with you because personalities vary between one to the next, these signs he is making love to you can serve as a guide to assist you in reading the room and finding out what is going on. And in the end, the best thing would be to have a clear, honest conversation about what you both are looking for at the moment!