Dealing with a breakup is never easy. One goes through a whirlwind of emotions, from sadness and depression to anger and betrayal.
While handling a breakup with a girlfriend is upsetting, the pain amplifies when you’ve just broken up with the partner you were married to for many years.
As you process the pain, the one element that can make the path to recovery and healing tougher is when your ex-wife is being difficult and making your life miserable.
When a marriage falls apart, a lot of resentment and fury can manifest itself in the form of gaslighting. This leads to your ex blaming you for everything that went wrong.
No matter how much you try to move on, your ex-wife keeps returning to sprinkle salt on the fresh wounds. The situation becomes even more complicated when children are involved in the scenario.
Is this something you’re going through? Do you want to get out of this vicious cycle?
Well, you’ve come to the right place for advice. Let’s walk you through some easy ways that explain how to deal with a psycho ex-wife.
How to Deal With Psycho Ex Wife Through Simple Ways
Handling a psycho ex is tricky but not possible. Let us delve into some simple methods you can follow not to let your ex-wife drive you mad.
1. Create Effective Methods of Communication
There may have been a time when you couldn’t have imagined not picking up your partner’s call or not responding to their text right away.
However, once you part ways, you’re no longer obligated to reply to them immediately, and that’s the first boundary you should set after separating from your ex-wife.
The lines of communication should be open only to facilitate necessary conversations. Your ex will try their best to trigger you or get on your nerves with constant calls and salty texts, but you should resort to just responding instead of reacting.
The main thing a toxic ex wants is your attention, and when you give it to them by responding to their communication methods with anger or jealousy, you’re feeding into their vile tactics. This is known as negative intimacy, and you must avoid it at all costs.
Remember that your kids are the main reason to interact with your ex, which is why maintaining an ambiance of civility is imperative. Please do not pick up their calls in the middle of the night or reply to their messages immediately.
Please get back to them at your convenience so that they realize they can no longer ring you up out of the blue. Try to keep a gap between the time they take to start a conversation and the time you take to respond.
2. Have Brief And Formal Meetings
While calls, emails, and text messages are excellent ways to interact, face-to-face meetings are often inevitable with your ex-wife, especially regarding legal or financial matters.
Before you meet your ex in person, let them know it will be for a brief period and that you expect them to be civil and practical. Do not take your kids to these meetings, especially if you fear they might turn ugly.
3. Establish Strong Boundaries
Establishing firm boundaries is crucial, which is why you must do so as soon as you separate from your ex. If you were the one making efforts in your marriage, then chances are that you might find it tough to say no to your ex, but you have to learn to say it.
If you aren’t firm and assertive, your ex might take it as hostile behavior and trouble you even more. So, instead of playing games or being passive aggressive, let them know precisely how this equation will work.
For example, if there are certain days when you each get to be with the kids, inform them to stick to the schedule. Don’t be afraid to refer to the court order if required, which means you should begin the legal process as quickly as possible.
4. Keep The Kids Out of It
When two married people split up, it affects the kids more than anyone else. No matter how bitter you feel towards your ex-wife, never let your kids get caught in the crossfire.
If your ex fills their ears with negative comments about you, don’t reply with angry retorts. Instead, sit down with your kids and let them know you’re there to answer all their questions and doubts.
After all, a kid wants to love their parents equally, so ensure never to talk about your ex-wife negatively in front of them. Maintain a neutral tone instead and remind them it’s okay to feel confused and that you and your ex will always be the loving home they can return to.
5. Be Honest
Being honest with your ex-wife will make this arduous process much more manageable. Tell her it’s not okay to discuss personal details with mutual friends or post about your problems on social media.
You also need to apply this honesty to yourself. While your marriage may have been rosy in the past, there’s a reason it got over. So, remind yourself of the reasons you’re no longer together with your ex.
Don’t paint a false picture of your ex-partner in your head, don’t justify their toxicity, and do not let them get away with manipulative behavior. Most importantly, tell them there’s no way the two of you can get back together.
6. Prioritize Your Happiness
One of the most effective ways to deal with a psycho ex-partner is to remember that your happiness comes first. Regardless of how much they try to gaslight you, remember that you’re a good person and deserve better.
Although it might take some time to get over the relationship, you can develop some coping mechanisms to heal better. This could be anything from yoga, meditation, and journalling, to traveling, indulging in art, or meeting new people.
Always remember that it isn’t the end of the world. Time will go by, and you will eventually meet people who genuinely deserve to be with you and bask in honor of your presence.
7. Consult The Law
Even though you might want to refrain from involving the law, it becomes unavoidable. If your ex-wife keeps bothering you with constant calls, threatens, or harasses you, know it’s time to call the police.
Getting a restraining order is a good start. This will keep her out of your hair, especially if you haven’t gone through with the divorce yet.
8. Talk to Your Friends
Talking about your broken marriage or your psycho ex is difficult. While you might not want to talk about it with your family, you can always turn to your friends for advice and comfort. It’s much better than bottling things up and letting them affect your sanity.
If you belong to a particular age group, chances are your friends, too, have been through hurdles in their marriages. Perhaps they’ve gone through a messy divorce as well. Visit them, have a heart-to-heart conversation, and allow their words to soothe your mind and soul.
How to Know Your Ex is a Psycho?
When we enter a relationship, we almost always pin our hopes and dreams on it. We believe we’ll have a beautiful love story and a happily ever after. While this dream comes true, it becomes an absolute nightmare for some.
Just because you dated someone for a while doesn’t mean you can predict what kind of husband or wife they will be. At times, it could also happen that you date someone for years only for them to turn into strangers you no longer recognize after getting married.
However, sure signs can always tell when someone has a weird or vicious way of thinking. Be it before marriage or after marriage, look out for these signs that will tell you how chaotic your ex-spouse is:
1. They Refuse to Take Responsibility
Psychopaths refuse to take responsibility for their behavior, no matter the situation. You must have been in cases when you fought with your ex, but they refused to apologize. Perhaps your ex said something hurtful, but blamed you for being too sensitive.
Being with someone who feels no guilt or remorse can be a very taxing experience. Such individuals constantly lie and manipulate. They lack empathy for others and believe themselves to be above everyone else.
2. They Are Impulsive
Did impulse drive your ex? Did they make random decisions that you never understood? Well, then, you were definitely with a problematic person.
Such people don’t have linear behavior and can change colors and personalities at their convenience. Dealing with an impulsive partner can affect you mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially.
3. They Always Seem Bored
Narcissists are only interested in themselves. All they want to talk about is their likes, dislikes, problems, adventures, and abilities. They lose interest when you talk about yourself or sharing about your life.
Did you ever notice how your ex-wife expressed no interest in your life or didn’t ask you how your day was or how your family was doing? This is because they constantly want to be the center of attention, and everything else seems boring to them.
4. They Don’t Have Basic Social Skills
Please pay attention to how they behave with others and in different social situations. This could be with strangers, friends, or family.
Toxic people will have no regard for anyone’s feelings. They will openly utter hurtful, harmful, and arrogant words without thinking about how they might affect the other person.
This might cause cracks in your bond with your friends and family members, who wouldn’t want to tolerate your rude partner.
5. They Have Questionable Morals
Were there ever situations where you found your ex-wife indulging in harmful behavior towards others? Maybe they tried to paint someone in a bad light for their benefit? Or ruined someone’s image to get ahead in their career?
These instances point out the questionable morals your ex possesses. Consider yourself lucky that you got out of such a bad relationship.
6. Their Behavior is Inconsistent
When someone is toxic, their behavior is inconsistent. They will never display the same emotions towards you throughout the relationship.
For example, when you get married, they might love you and be attentive. However, as time goes by, their behavior towards you changes. You will begin to feel neglected and unloved, and that’s when you know your ex’s behavior is problematic. It feels like they dropped you from a pedestal overnight.
7. They Play The Victim
Psychopaths are great at playing the victim. Even when it’s their fault, they will gaslight you into believing they did nothing wrong. Beware of such shrewd, cunning individuals.
When you bring up their past, for example, you will find them saying that their mother was harsh or their partner was not attentive. When you hear such comments, just run in the opposite direction.
8. They Threaten You and Your Current Partner
Nothing drives a psycho ex crazier than seeing their ex-spouse with a new partner. Being the sadists they are, they can’t tolerate someone else’s happiness.
You might find yourself facing empty threats from your ex-wife. She might also bother your new partner by trying to contact her or snoop around. Toxic ex-partners might also issue suicide threats or try to tarnish your reputation on social media.
A relationship ending isn’t an accessible event in anyone’s life. On top of the heartbreak, there is the sinking feeling that you must continue with life as if nothing happened.
Moving on is the only practical thing to do, and if your ex-wife is acting as a hindrance to this process, taking steps becomes the only plausible option.
So, if you’re facing the case of a toxic ex-spouse, apply these tips and witness your life improve drastically.