Dr. Trina’s Point
Let’s look at men’s foreplay play-sheet: No talking or acknowledging sex for the eighteen waking hours.
When it’s time to go to bed and she is tired with a thousand things on her brain, he gives her a come hither stare/ starts pawing/ or starts kissing her like he is some kind of Casanova.
Foreplay over onto the main event.
Once in the bedroom, he attempts to gives her an orgasm. Now it’s his turn, does his thing and they are done. Foreplay, main course and wrap-up—wiping up, chaste kiss with no cuddling counts as the romantic way to end this tryst—efficiently executed in fifteen minutes.
The exact amount of time a woman needs to get sexually aroused and properly lubricated.
Brian, read my lips: 90% of all foreplay happens outside the bedroom. Why don’t men get the biggest sex organ is the brain?
And guess what guys? Going from zero to directly stimulating her clitoris is not foreplay. Her body may be able to have an orgasm however, a deeper sense of sexual satisfaction gets overlooked.
When this deeper sense of satisfaction is not met time and again, women really don’t look forward to having sex. Why should they? The sex is all about him and how he likes to do things.
Ask any gal that has tried to set a romantic foreplay atmosphere with candles, music, baths or massages. Men plead their case of coming home exhausted and do not want to put much effort into a big song and dance about preparing “the mood”. They just want to get down and busy, pop off a couple of orgasms, roll over and go to sleep.
Let’s make a deal Brian, men can’t yip about wanting sex more often until they start giving women a reason to want to have sex more. Learn foreplay.
Dr. Brian’s Counterpoint
Hey Trina! Why do so many women fake orgasms? Because men fake foreplay.
While this might resonate with many of you women out there, it really isn’t true. Though guys might rush to home plate, many thoroughly enjoy the trip around the bases.
Most guys actually like the whole kiss-touch-slurp-fondle-grab preliminary routine more than you might think. A recent Canadian study by Miller & Byers found that men and women desire the same length of foreplay – 18 minutes to be exact.
Most guys I speak to aren’t into foreplay admit they just want to go to the main event. A male client of mine even said “I don’t have time to waste. When I need to get off, I need to get off.”
So if your mate just won’t put out before he putts out, here’s a few things you can do to get him back to basics. EDUCATE him. Truth is most men don’t know diddly squat about the female body’s erogenous zones and her sexual response cycle.
So gals, you can simply ask your man directly what he likes to give and receive during foreplay. Then you can share your response. And if you can’t bare to tell him, SHOW him. Guide his hands over your ‘hot’ spots showing him just how you like to be touched.
One tool sex therapists use to help clients learn how to get into their body and feel sensations is called sensate focus. Here, couples explore their partner’s entire body. Remember, we are sexual beings from the ends of our hair to the tips of our toes. Mutually exploring your bodies will help your partner learn exactly what you like. And you might learn a little bit about him too.
So, if you’re with a traditional man who just won’t go there, I have one more trick up my sleeve. Tell him that foreplay lasts longer than sex—generally about 12 minutes—and that the longer you touch, slurp, and fondle, the more explosive the orgasm is for you…and him.