On the long list of things that help parents be asexual, getting caught having sex is certainly a concern for many. But should parents give up their sexuality just because they feel it will have negative implications on their children? Absolutely not.
So what do you do when your kid catches you having sex? “It is absurd to try to provide our children with a perfect environment. Ironically, while we zealously ‘protect’ our children from seeing their parents as sexual beings, we relinquish our only opportunity to teach them our family’s values about sexuality.
We miss the opportunity to teach our children that love and physical intimacy go together, and this important message is too often exactly opposite what they see in the media.” writes Valerie Davis Raskin, M.D. and author of Great Sex for Moms.
Does that mean you should have sex in front of your children? No, of course not. It is important to avoid being caught having sex by taking precautions, such as locking the door and that.
Things You Need to Discuss with your Spouse
You and your partner need to work together to create a safe environment for your family and what to do if your kid catches you having sex.
- Be sure when you and your spouse are going to be intimate you lock the door. This is the number one way to save yourself from the kids seeing you having sex.
- Discuss boundaries when the door is not locked and when the kids are around. Are you okay with kissing, a butt grab. Figure out what level of public display of affection is appropriate around your kids.
- Be sure your kids know that you love each other. Do this by telling each other you love each other, kissing, holding hands, and showing love towards each other.
- Talk with your kids about appropriate relations between a husband and wife when they are old enough. Nothing is worse than having a kid catch you having sex and panic.
- Teach your kids boundaries, closed-door means knock until you are invited in.
- Discuss what you will do in the worst-case scenario: your child walks in on you making love.
After discussing what to do when your kid catches you having sex with your spouse, run and grab some good locks from the store.
If you are worried about being caught having sex because you are a little too noisy, buy something to create white-noise, like a loud humidifier, fan, radio, or stereo that can be moved close to the door.
How to Chat With Your Child
A younger child is likely to not understand what is happening and may simply be frightened by the sounds of lovemaking.
Address your child’s fear. Reassure them that no one is hurt and this way that mommy and daddy show that they love each other.
A primary school-aged child may simply be curious.
Say only what is necessary to move to the next subject without shaming or inadvertently stirring up even more interest. Say, “I can see you are inquisitive. Sometimes adults do things kids don’t understand.” Then switch the topic.
An older child may know exactly what is happening and maybe disgusted or embarrassed.
If an older child bursts in and you are caught having sex, do not lie or get defensive about what is going on. Instead get dressed and talk about what just happened, acknowledging that this as awkward for everyone. Then, set your boundaries with the child to ensure your privacy.
However you work this out, make sure the fear of getting caught having sex is not stopping you from keeping you connected to your partner because we all don’t want to become those couples that stop having sex and other things we don’t do anymore because we have kids
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