“Ho, ho, ho” – it’s that merry time of the year again! Yes, those presents will soon be resting under your sparkling Christmas tree.
And, I’m sure you’ve also heard Santa’s merry laughter, at the very least in an annoying Christmas jingle!
He sure sounds like he just cracked one of these hilarious, or punny, Christmas jokes!
Funniest Christmas Jokes
Cracking a good Christmas joke is a sure way to brighten up this festive season. Yes, even if your kids find it less than funny and think the jokes on you!
Do you know your Christmas reindeer? If not, don’t worry – Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Rudolf, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen all approve of these Christmas jokes!
Q: What did Little Red Riding Hood say when she met Rudolf, the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A: My, what a big, red nose you have!
Q: Why did the reindeer go to school?
A: To get a “deer-gree”!
Q: What do reindeer say before they tell a joke?
A: “This one will sleigh you!”
Q: What do you call a reindeer with bad manners?
Q: Why are reindeer perfect for space exploration?
A: Because they’re “star bucks”!
Q: What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Q: Why did Santa sack Rudolf?
A: Because he was being Rude-olf!
Q: What happens when the reindeer wake up late for work?
A: They have to hoof it!
Q: How do female reindeers complement each other?
A: You sleigh-ing it, girl!
Q: Why is Rudolf always dressed for the occasion?
A: Because his nose looks like a big, red, Christmas bauble!
Q: What did the reindeer say when he lost his watch?
A: “Oh, deer!”
Q: What kind of deer live in a rainforest?
Q: What did the reindeer say in the reindeer adaptation of the movie Forrest Gump?
A: Run-deer, run!
Q: Which of Santa’s reindeer got invited to walk the runway?
Q: What did the reindeer get on the first day of December?
A: Advent calen-deers!
Q: Why was Santa unhappy with Comet?
A: Because he flew into outer space!
Q: Which reindeer set Santa and Mrs; Claus up on their first date?
Santa sure knows a thing or two about cracking Christmas jokes. However, I’ll bet my cookies he hasn’t heard these ones!
Q: What did Santa say to the naughty elf who ate all the Christmas cookies?
A: You’re so elf-ish!
Q: What’s red, white, and says, “oh, oh, oh?”
A: A time-traveling Santa Claus going back in time!
Q: What kind of walking cane did the doctor give to Mrs. Claus when she hurt her leg?
A: A candy cane!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get out of the way of Santa’s sleigh!
Q: What does Mrs. Claus serve naughty elves for Christmas dinner?
A: Brussel sprouts!
Q: What is Santa’s cat’s name?
A: Santa Claws!
Q: What did Santa say when he lost his hoe?
A: Where’s my hoe, hoe, hoe?
Q: Why does Santa have three gardens?
A: So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
Q: What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
A: Santa Pause!
Q: What’s Santa’s favorite type of music?
Q: What do you call an old snowman?
Q: What’s Santa’s favorite snack?
A: Crisp Pringles!
North Pole Jokes
We all know where Santa, his elves, and all his reindeer hide out for most of the year. But, have you heard these North Pole Christmas jokes?
Q: Until what age do snowmen live in the North Pole?
A: They’re immortal because it’s snow cool there!
Q: Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital?
A: Because he has private “elf” care!
Q: What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?
A: A snowball!
Q: How do snowmen get around?
A: They ride an “icicle”.
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
A: Sandy Claus!
Q: Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon at the North Pole?
A: He was outstanding in his field of snow-brain surgery.
Q: Why was the snowy mountain so cold-hearted?
A: Because he had a glacier inside him!
Q: What language do they speak in the North Pole?
A: North Polish!
Q: How do you spell “clause” in the North Pole?
A: “A claus”
Q: On which date do they celebrate Christmas in the North Pole?
A: All year round – the sun only rises and sets once per year there!
Elves are industrious, productive creatures that ensure Christmas happens each year. Unfortunately for them, that doesn’t mean they can’t be the butt of a few Christmas jokes!
Q: Which famous elf singer entertained the elves on Christmas Eve?
A: Elf-ish Presley!
Q: Why did Santa go to school?
A: To get his “elf”-ucation!
Q: What’s an elf’s favorite type of street?
A: A “Twelf”-th Avenue!
Q: How do elves greet each other?
A: “Small world, isn’t it?”
Q: What did the elf say after winning a game?
A: “I elf-exceeded expectations!”
Q: Why was the elf so good at football?
A: Because he had a “little” talent!
Q: Why was the Christmas Elf shy?
A: Because he had low elf-esteem!
Q: What did Santa say to the misbehaving elf?
A: “You’re sacked!”
Q: What did the Christmas elves say when they finished their shift at Santa’s warehouse?
A: “That’s a wrap!”
Q: What did the elf steal to replace his lost socks?
A: A Christmas stocking!
Q: Why did the elf drink absinthe?
A: Because he was in love with a green faerie!
Q: Why couldn’t the elf drink eggnog?
A: Because he was allergic to eggs!
Q: What do gangster elves do for a living?
A: They wrap!
Q: Which three reindeer are the elves afraid of and why?
A: Donner, Blitzen, and Dasher because they’re scared they’ll beat them up!
Q: What did the elf learn on his first day at school?
A: The elf-abet!
Q: What did the elf eat for dinner?
A: Elf-abet soup!
Q: What do you call traveling elves?
A: Snow-globe trotters!
Q: How much money do elves get paid?
A: Sacks full!
Let’s face it; snowmen have a hard life! They melt as soon as spring comes and have carrots for noses and rocks for mouths. Maybe these snowman Christmas jokes can cheer them up?
Q: Why was the snowman looking at a display of carrots?
A: He was picking his nose!
Q: What mode of transportation do snowmen use to get to work with?
Q: Why was the snowman lonely?
A: Because he lived in a snowglobe by himself!
Q: What did Mrs. Snowman say when Christmas dinner was ready?
A: Chill-dren, the food is ready!
Q: How do snowmen chill their beers?
A: In their pockets!
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Q: What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
A: “Get out of my face!”
Q: Why don’t snowmen like to go to school?
A: Because they always get a “chill” when they’re near the principal’s office!
Q: Why did the snowman turn down a piece of cake?
A: Because he was trying to avoid getting a “frosty” bottom!
Q: What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
A: An abdominal snowman!
Q: Why did the snow-woman love to act?
A: Because there’s snow business like show business!
Q: What do snowmen say to each other after a long day at work?
A: Let’s chill!
Q: What winter activity are snowmen not allowed to take part in?
A: Hot-tubbing because they’ll melt!
Q: What treat do snowmen enjoy the most?
A: Snow cones!
Q: What happened when the snowman went into the sun?
A: He lost a bit of weight!
Q: What do you call a baby snowman?
A: A snowball!
Gingerbread Man Jokes
What two things can be cracked? A gingerbread cookie and Christmas jokes, of course!
Q: What did the gingerbread man say when he broke his leg?
A: Oh, snap!
Q: What did the gingerbread lady do when her boyfriend dumped her?
A: She ate chocolate ice-ing!
Q: What did the gingerbread man and sugar cookie name their child?
Q: What did the gingerbread man give to his wife for Christmas?
A: The keys to their new gingerbread house!
Q: Where do Christmas cookies go to relax?
A: A milk bar!
Q: Why did the gingerbread man have to buy a new house?
A: Because the kids ate the last one!
Q: Why did the gingerbread man go to school?
A: To become a “smart cookie”!
Q: How can you tell if a gingerbread man is smart?
A: If he knows how to “dough” his math!
Q: What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
A: “Limp Biscuit.”
Q: What did the gingerbread man say when he was thrown in the oven?
A: “This is the end of my batter days!”
Q: How does a gingerbread man make his bed?
A: With a layer of “sheet” icing!
Christmas Food Jokes
Christmas foods are one of the things we most look forward to during the holiday season! And so are some funny Christmas jokes!
Q: How does Darth Vader like his Christmas Gammon cooked?
A: On the dark side.
Q: What Christmas song do gummy sweets sing?
A: ‘Tis the season to be jelly!
Q: Which treat are dogs not allowed during Christmas?
A: Peppermint bark.
Q: Why do mice celebrate Cheesemas instead of Christmas?
A: Because it’s a hole-y day!
Q: Why did the band hire the turkey?
A: Because he had his own drum-sticks!
Q: What current-cy do the citizens of the North Pole pay with?
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Because he was no chicken!
Q: What did cinnamon say on the Christmas card he sent to his mom?
A: Seasoning’s greetings!
Q: Why did the elf eat all the mince pies?
A: Because he was current-ly hungry!
Q: Why did the candy cane have so much energy?
A: Because he’s made of sugar!
Q: Why did the piece of paper not want to go to Christmas dinner?
A: Because he was afraid of par-snips!
Q: Why was the gingerbread man feeling crumbly?
A: Because he was a bit baked!
Q: What did the grape say to the raisin?
A: “It’s Christmas, time to wine a bit!”
Q: Why was the Christmas cookie sad?
A: Because his mom was a wafer so long!
Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Ice Crispies!
Christmas Tree Jokes
Are you stumped for some good Christmas jokes? If so, these Christmas tree jokes may just hit the spot!
Q: What did the Christmas bauble say when he invited his crush on a date?
A: Let’s hang out!
Q: What was the Christmas ornament obsessed about?
A: He was hooked on Christmas trees!
Q: How many Christmas trees does it take to hang Christmas lights?
A: None, because humans do it for them!
Q: Why did the Christmas trees ignore Groot at the Christmas ball?
A: Because he wasn’t decorated.
Q: Why did the Christmas tree love the Christmas lights?
A: Because she lights up his life!
Q: Why did the upset Christmas ornament leave the room?
A: Because he thought he’d crack!
Q: What do holly flowers say to each other during Christmas?
A: Happy holly-days!
Q: Why was the Christmas tree bad at knitting?
A: Because it always dropped its needles!
Q: How does a Christmas tree keep its breath fresh?
A: With orna-mints!
Q: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
A: It needed a trim!
Q: What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree?
A: “Nice gnawing you!”
Q: What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?
Miscellaneous Christmas Jokes
Are you looking for some unique jokes to crack? If so, these random Christmas jokes are quite the cracker!
Q: What did Donald Duck exclaim when Chip pulled one of the noisy Christmas crackers?
A: Oh, quackers!
Q: What did Adam say to Eve when they woke up on Christmas Day?
A: It’s Christmas, Eve!
Q: Why was the horse banned from pulling the Christmas sleigh?
A: Because he was un-stable!
Q: Why couldn’t the polar bear make up his mind?
A: Because he was bi-polar!
Q: Why did the snowflake break up with his girlfriend?
A: Because she was a total flake!
Q: What do you call someone with a fear of Christmas?
A: A claus-traphobic!
Q: What did Superman’s secret Santa, Lex Luthor, give him for Christmas?
Q: Why do abominable snowmen get the most Christmas presents?
A: Because their Christmas stocking are huge!
Q: What did the zombie want for Christmas lunch?
A: Roast brains!
Q: What happened to the thief who stole an advent calendar?
A: His plan was foiled, and he got 25 days!
Q: Why don’t prawns give gifts or wishes on Christmas?
A: Because they’re shell-fish!
Q: How does a medium know when Santa’s coming?
A: Because they can sense his presents!
Q: Why did the snowglobe feel embarrassed?
A: Because he’s see-through!
Q: Why was the turkey at the Christmas party so proud?
A: Because it was stuffed!
Q: What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A: A Holly Davidson!
Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
A: Santa Clues!
Q: What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less!
Knock Knock Christmas Jokes
Knock, knock jokes are a classic. Here are some knock, knock Christmas jokes to knock them out!
What did you get me for Christmas?
Christmas is here!
Avery merry Christmas to you!
Occam all ye faithful!
The Grinch who stole Christmas, that’s who!
Harry along now, or you’ll miss the carolers!
Rudolf the Red-Nosed reindeer!
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire!
A partridge who?
A partridge in a pear tree!
Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaa!
Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh…
We three kings!
Donut open until Christmas!
Elf me wrap this present!
Yule never guess!
Evergreen your presents yet?
I know, I know, some of these jokes may be a little cheesy. But, if they get the kids to crack a smile, then they’re just what they need this holiday season!