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189 of The Best Cow Jokes to Make You LOL

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Farm animals are undoubtedly delightful. That’s why the beloved ditty titled “Old McDonald Had A Farm” captivates little ones. Everything about them – from the different sounds they make to the various sizes and shapes and temperaments they hold – sparks kids’ interest and curiosity. And as for the grown-ups, well, it’s that same interest and delight we felt about them as children that make farm animals such winning subjects in-jokes!

Everyone is down for a good farm joke or two – or more! And when it comes to animal humor, cows are a great subject to farm some hilarious jokes upon (pun intended!). Cows are majestic and gentle at the same time. They are adorable and hilarious, and they have distinct personalities as well.

They also give us milk and yummy food items. The sounds they make are utterly fascinating — and they are just so darn cute!

So when it comes to jokes you can milk for all they are worth, we’re serving you a platter teeming with cow jokes that will make everyone giggle! Whether you are a mom or dad looking to tickle your child’s funny bone, searching for no-fail material to entertain on your next gathering with friends, or up for a road trip and want to keep laughing throughout, cow jokes are a stellar choice.

Cow jokes are there to a-mooooooo-se. These black-and-white hilarities are all about good, clean humor suited for all ages. Trust us that nobody will have any beef with these jokes! And you’ll have everyone around you thinking that you are udder-ly hilarious.

Oh, and if you’re wondering if these creatures won’t mind if humans crack jokes about them, don’t worry — they have tough skin. Or should we say, thick hides!

These majestic farm animals are total cow-medians — and you will be too, with our collection of best cow jokes to make you LOL. Milk these cow jokes for everything they’re worth!

Best Cow Jokes to Make You LOL

Are you ready to be entirely and udder-ly a-MOOOOOOOOO-sed??? These 189 of the best cow jokes will get you – and everyone around you – LOLing! So grab the bull (or cow?) by the horns, and lighten the MOO-d with these cow-medic jokes!

Cow Jokes For LOLs

Cow Jokes For LOLs

Whether you love farm animals, love milk, love burgers, or have a fascination for cows and all things cow-mical, these cow jokes are tasty, hilarious treats that are one hundred percent well done!

What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?

The Daily Moos.

What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?

It’s pasture bedtime!

What’s an unusual way to make a milkshake?

Give a cold cow a pogo stick.

Why are cows great dancers?

They have all the best moooves!

What did the cow tell the butcher?

Please stop, or else we will have some beef.

Where would you find a cow having a bad day?

At McDonalds.

What would you get if you cross an angry sheep and a grumpy cow?

An animal that’s totally in a baaaaaad moooood.

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Their horns don’t work.

What do you call a momma cow who’s just given birth?

Decalfinated.

Why won’t cows join the police force?

They refuse to participate in steak-outs.

What do you call a rude cow?

Beef jerky.

Why couldn’t the two cows get along?

Because they had beef with one another.

What do you call a group of cows with a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

Where did the cow spend all its money?

At the cow-sino.

What would you call a cow wearing armor?

Sir Loin.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

What do you call a scared cow?

A cow-ard.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

He thought the mooooon was calling to him.

How do cows introduce their wives?

Hey, guys! Meat Patty.

Where do cows usually go on a Saturday night?

To the moovies!

Where would you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it.

Why don’t cows have money?

Because the farmers keep draining them dry.

How did the farmer find his lost cow?

He tractor down!

What would feed a bratty cow?

Spoiled milk.

What did one cow say to the other on a cold night?

I don’t know about you, but I’m Fresian.

What do you call a cow after an earthquake?

A milkshake.

What do cows put on french toast?

Mooooolasses.

How does lady gaga usually like her steak?

Raw, raw, raw, raw, raw!

What do you call a sleeping cow?

A bull-dozer.

Why did the farmer stop making cow jokes?

He kept butchering everyone.

What do you call a magic cow?

Moo-dini.

What happened when the cow ran into the fence?

It was udderly ruined.

What do you call a cow that can’t produce milk?

An udder failure.

What did the cow say when the farmer pulled its tail?

How diary!

What do you call a cow that blends in with its surroundings?

Cow-moo-flauged.

What would happen if you tried talking to a cow?

Everything would go in one ear and out the udder.

Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?

Roost beef.

What is a cow’s favorite magazine?

Moogue.

When one cow said ‘Mooo!’ to the other, what was the second cow’s reply?

I was going to say that!

Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?

He wanted chocolate milk!

Where do cow farts come from?

Their dairy-ère.

What kind of lunch meat do cows like best?

A bull-ogna.

Why do cows stay close together when it’s cold out?

To keep each udder warm!

What animal goes “oom, oom”?

A cow walking backward.

What is a cow’s dream job?

Being an udder cover agent.

What do cows say when they hear a bad joke?

I am not amoosed.

Who’s in charge of the dairy operations?

The cow-ptain.

Can you make money owning cows?

Yes, I’ve herd it’s profitable.

What did the cow say when the bull broke up with her?

Without you, I’ll never be whole milk again!

What is a cow’s favorite color?

Marooooooon.

How would you address the queen of cows?

Your Moojesty.

Why do cows want to see Times Square?

Because it’s in Moo York City.

What do you call a cruel cow?

A de-moooon.

Why are cows always telling each other jokes?

To keep themselves amoosed!

What do you call a cow on a diet?

Lean beef.

What did the cow say before making a risky poker bet?

The steaks have never been higher.

What song do cows love to sing?

I’ve got the mooooves like Jagger.

What do you say to a hurt cow?

Ow.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

What did the cows do after someone broke into the barn?

They beefed up their security.

Why is telling a cow a funny cow joke pointless?

They’ve probably herd it before.

What happens when a cow has PMS?

It gets moo-dy.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What math problems do cows like to solve?

Moo-tiplication problems.

Where do Russian cows come from?

Mos-cow

Where do cows get their medicine?

At the farm-acy.

Where do young cows eat lunch?

At the calf-eteria.

What do you call a cow that eats grass?

A lawn-mooer.

What did the police cow say to the bad guy he caught?

Don’t mooooooove a moo-scle.

How do you make Swiss cheese?

Using milk from a holey cow.

Why do cows huddle together when it rains?

To keep each udder dry.

Why is it so hard to hurt a cow’s feelings?

Their hides are so thick.

What did one cow ask its friend?

Got milk?

What did the cow shout when it did a cannonball into the swimming pool?

Cow-abunga!

Where do cows go on their days off?

To a moo-seum.

What did the cow say about the farmer’s lousy outfit?

That outfit is so bad it’s laugha-bull.

Why do cows like to go to the spa?

To get some re-hoove-ination.

What do cows say when they apologize to one another?

Sorry, I made a mis-steak.

What is a cow’s favorite subject in school?

Cowculus.

Read More: Interesting Animal Trivia Questions with Answers for Kids

More Cow Jokes For Udder Hilarity

More Cow Jokes For Udder Hilarity

Didn’t we tell you that cow jokes are completely a-moooo-sing?? Well, we’ve got even more cow-fully crafted jokes guaranteed to get everyone milk-shaking with uncontrollable laughter. Yes, these jokes are just udder-ly funny!

What did the cow say when someone told her a lie?

Sounds like a lot of bull to me.

What type of camera do cows use?

Cow-non.

What is a cow’s favorite movie series?

Steer Wars.

What did the farmer say to the cow?

Just give me 2% milk.

When is milk the freshest?

When it’s still in the cow!

Why did the calf cry at school?

There was a bully there.

What is the best way to get a cow to be quiet?

Just press the moo-te button.

When you cross a smurf with a cow, what do you get?

Blue cheese.

When you cross two ducks and a cow, what do you get?

Quackers and milk.

What is as big as a cow but weighs nothing?

His shadow.

What happens when cows stop shaving?

They grow moostaches.

Why did the cow look so confused?

He was having deja moo.

What did Donald Trump tell the cow?

That’s fake moos!

What do cows do when they go skiing?

Moo-guls

Why do cows work?

To make mooooney

What do cows play in the band?

Moo-sical instruments.

What did the cow say to the angry farmer?

Please calm down, or else we’ll have beef!

What do you call a female cow?

Patty!

What is a cow’s favorite day of the week?

Moo-nday

Where do cows go out for a date?

To the moo-vies

Why did the cow travel into space?

To visit the Milky Way

How do cows like their coffee?

Calf-finated

What do cows eat for breakfast? 

Grass

What do you call a cow on a bouncing castle?

A milkshake.

Why are male cows so mean?

Because they’re bull-ies.

Why do cows make such great spies?

Because they’re great at steak-outs.

How do you know a cow is having a bad day?

They’re in a burger.

Why are cows so competitive?

Because the steaks are high.

What do cows say on a date?

I am udderly in love with you.

What do cows say when they’re stuck in traffic?

Moo-ve out of my way!

Why are calves so good at math?

They like cow-nting.

What is a cow’s favorite drink?

Moo-nshine.

What do cows do when they’re hungover?

They moo-ch around.

What did one cow say to the other cow?

Get milked!

What did the cow tell the chef after his meal?

That was udderly delicious!

What did the cow say after her date?

Give me a bell if you want to see me again!

What did the cow say to the astronaut?

Take me to the moo-n!

How can you tell if a cow is a teenager?

They’re very moo-dy.

How do you insult a bull?

Call him a cow-ard.

What is a cow’s favorite type of chocolate?

Milk.

Where do you find a cow with a gambling addiction?

In the cow-sino.

What do you call a dehydrated cow?

Beef jerky.

How do cows like to share gossip?

Have you herd the news!?

What do you call a cow in jail?

An udder disgrace.

What do you call a cow in hell?

A de-moooon.

How do cows introduce themselves?

Nice to meat you.

What do you get if you leave a cow in the sun?

Spoiled milk.

How do cows do their taxes?

Using a cow-culator.

Why should you never buy a pair of shoes for cows?

Because they lactose.

How do you greet a cow at sunrise?

Good moooo-ning.

What do cows sing to each other from other the paddock?

Hello from the udder side!

How can you identify a gypsy cow?

They wear moo-d rings.

What do you call a cow that can’t see?

Ow.

Why are cows so funny?

Because they like being amooosed.

Where do you buy a cow in Scotland?

Glas-cow

Where do cows go when they’re feeling unwell?

The farmacy.

What do you call a spontaneous cow?

Impromt-moo.

What do you call a cow laying down?

Ground beef.

How do you know if a cow is strong?

They’ll have big moo-scles.

Why do cows like aerobics?

They like moo-ving their moo-ales.

Why do cows rob banks?

They love mooo-ney.

What is a cow’s least favorite game to play?

Hide and seek.

How do cows clean their apartments?

With a hoove-r.

What do you call a bull in church?

A holy cow.

What do steaks say to congratulate each other?

Well done

Where do cows go to view exhibitions?

The moo-seum.

Why did the calf fail his test?

He made too many mis-steaks.

What do you call a hot cow?

Medium rare.

Why are cows great drivers?

They’re good at steer-ing.

What do you call a herd of cows in a field of pot?

High steaks.

What did the cow say to his nan?

Are you my dairy godmother?

How do cows make money?

They have to churn it.

What did the artist say to the cow?

You’re my moo-se.

Where do unhappy cows live?

In a porterhouse.

How do you know if a cow has had a lot of girlfriends?

He plays the field.

How do cows split the bill?

They calf it.

What does the spontaneous bull say before jumping the gate?

It’s cow or never!

Why do cows make such bad band members?

They only play bells.

What did the cow say during therapy?

I feel seen but not herd.

How do you know if a cow is exaggerating?

He’ll milk the story for all its worth.

What do you name a fat cow?

Big Mac

What is a cow’s favorite cocktail?

A moo-jito!

What do cows wear while hunting?

Cow-mouflage.

How do farmers count their cows?

With a cow-culator.

What do you call Olympic-winning cows?

Legen-dairy.

Knock Knock Jokes About Cows

Knock Knock Jokes About Cows

A playful knock-knock joke is always a win — and these cow knock-knock jokes will bring on hysterical laughter! Cows go MOO, and everyone will go LOL once you get started with these knock-knock jokes about our favorite farm animal.

“Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cow.

Cow who?

Cow much longer will you put up with all this knocking?”

“Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cow.

Cow who?

Cow-a-bunga, dude!”

“Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh-

MOO!”

“Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cows go.

Cows go, who?

No, silly, cows go moo!”

Puns About Cows

Puns About Cows

So, do you think you have said and herd it all? Think again! Cows are a source of endless cow-mic relief and udder laughter. It would be an udder shame if we passed up the chance to milk them for all the hilarity they can bring. Cows make for some great play on words and witty lines. Make sure you always have a cow pun or two and make everyone go MOO-hahahaha.

  • “I got the mooves like Jagger.”
  • “Make sure you show up on time. Otherwise, Bessie will have a cow.”
  • “Milk it for all it’s worth.”
  • “Watch out; you don’t want to butcher any of these jokes.”
  • “The steaks are high.”
  • “I have some real beef with that guy.”
  • “I am not amoosed.”
  • “And then I told my therapist that I feel seen but not herd.”
  • “Seize the moo-ment!”
  • “Holy cow!”
  • “Steer clear! Cows coming through!”
  • “I always found cow-culus to be the most interesting subject.”
  • “The cow was so excited for the day ahead that he was over the moon.”
  • “An udder day, an udder dollar.”
  • “Cowbells make such beautiful moosic.”
  • “A cow in an earthquake is called a milkshake.”
  • “Move! Get out of the hay!”
  • “If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you probably have deja-moo.”
  • “I am udderly in love with you!”
  • “Not as mooch as I love you.”

Also Read: 40 Hilarious Bear Jokes and Puns for Kids

Cows are a total crowd favorite — and they are incredibly cow-mical too. Not only do they go MOO, but they can also a-MOO-se you and all those around you! You’ve gotta love these cow jokes – they are tailor-made for all the LOLs!

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