Mom Lifehacks: Dare to be Different

I’ve had a really hard time calling myself a mom for most of motherhood. I anticipated Stepford status, complete with minivan and recent blow-out, and pies cooling on the window sill – and I am so far from that image. I was stuck in the wrong era, often seeking proof of stereotypes – instead of looking at the world with open eyes, seeing every mom as an individual.

lifehacks-be-different In the past six months, I’ve become not only comfortable with identifying myself as a mom, but proud of it. Why? Because I no longer think of it as limiting, like I once did. I’m an average mom, sure, but I’m way more than just a mom.

For example:

I fit into the ideal mom shoes because I live in a semi-affluent neighbourhood, bow to the god of Starbucks as much as anyone else who has popped out children, have a constant wardrobe of jeans and a tshirt, and am celebratory of my daughter’s accomplishments.

I differ because I have visible piercings and tattoos, listen to heavy metal and grunge music, dye my hair an inky brown, avoid makeup, don’t really care if my daughter goes to college, stay up some nights until some of you are waking up again, and I freelance for a living.

But some of us do get a little caught up in the day-to-day details and maintenance of appearances to really delve into what’s different about us. I know I did; it took me nearly three years to get my sense of self back after having my daughter. If you’re facing the same kind of internal debate about being just a mom, I have some suggestions!

Change the way you move

So, what’s in? Jillian Michael’s 30-Days Shred, right? And I’ll bet you’ve (at least considered) shredding your butt away because the reports you’ve heard from peers was astounding. Guess what? So’s water aerobics. So is that now-passé spinning class. Have you considered Rumba? How about gymnastics?

Go hippy

I’m not talking about granola, tie-die or veganism. I’m talking about changing the products you surround yourself with. Consider this: that $40 lotion, $25 cleanser, $15 toner and pricy eye cream you use could probably be replaced with a wash cloth, bar of nourishing soap and witch hazel. Question who gains from advising you buy the things you do, and why you eat the food you eat. Where else can you save time, money and waste?

Educate yourself

This can mean a class, trial-and-error, or reading volumes of materials on a specific subject. Use whatever tools and methods work for you to learn about something that interests you, that doesn’t have to be anything that will further your career or family life. Seek out Russian or basket weaving, cake decorating or art appreciation!

Write yourself love notes

No, really. Write yourself a note every day that tells you something special about you. Put it in flashy red lipstick on your bathroom mirror, in your wallet, on your forearm – somewhere you’ll see it and be reminded, often. (Reread it on purpose, too!)

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About the Author

I blog, I parent, I have mood swings and talk too much.

Posted by Terra in style on January 31, 2010

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Comments

0 # CynthiaK 2010-02-02 20:09

A great post! After lulling about in a funk today, I think I'm feeling a little more spark to take on the remaining hour or two before children come home. Thanks for the reminder to avoid boring and normal!

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0 # Metamorphic 2010-02-02 23:10

I find this article really lame. The description of an ideal mom vs not so ideal mom really doesn't fit any sense of reality. Many moms I know these days, aren't slaves to Starbucks, have piercings/tattoos whatever and are LUCKY if they get to stay at home and not work.

I like the message that you were trying to say but it got garbled in the attempts to be cute/PC/funny whatever.

I think the ideal mom is someone who wants what's best for their kids, for them to be happy, smart, successful in life and not be so focused on materialism because in the end that's not what really makes us happy.

If by different you mean, whatever city you live in's idea of being "funky/cool/sophisticated", well frankly, that's just lame.

Just my 2 cents,

M, an overtime work from home and sometimes from the office, punk rock/alt rock/ tattooed/hair dyed black, expat/world traveller who's also not ready to settle down because of her 2 year old and impending new addition, but still considers herself the ideal mom....

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0 # Zoeyjane 2010-02-04 22:37

@Metamorphic: I love your energy about this! I think that first off, I should clarify that I wasn't trying to describe the 'ideal' mom - because my view of ideal is quite parallel with yours: one who is about encouraging their children's happiness, creativity and growth, while retaining her own sense of self and seeking to be the same things she's envisioning for her children.

What I, admittedly glibly, was describing was the stereotype of moms - one that media, sidewalks and mom and me groups are filled with. Today's mom is often portrayed as the woman concerned with great looking children, a well-cared for appearance, the family vehicle, a latte to soothe her soul, and hands constantly full while maintaining her children's schedules, her own workload, household chores and cooking.

I love that you've embraced what I was (maybe unclearly) trying to say - that moms don't have to fit a cookie cutter - but I would be unrealistic to assume that the majority of modern moms fit our shared visage.

Thanks for your two cents - I think we have a lot in common.

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0 # Zoeyjane 2010-02-04 22:38

@CythiaK: I'm so glad that your funk ended! I have those days all of the time. Usually a hefty prescription of 'living room dance party', administered during the baking of something yummy does the trick for me.

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