Balance is not Everything. I’ve tried all the tricks in attempt to create it in hopes that it will fix everything. Parts of me still tries to convince myself that balance is the answer, that balance is all I need.
But I don’t. I need joy. That’s what I discovered. 24 days in Mexico will do that to a girl.
When I stopped trying to reach for that thing called balance, and started focusing on what would bring more joy to my life, balance just somehow started to happen.
Rewind to Pre-Mexico:
Everything was pretty messy. I was in the throws of business negotiations, my marriage was struggling, my kids had piles of to-dos for both school and activities and I would not let anyone near my house for reasons I am sure you can imagine. (I probably would not even recognize my friends if they rang my bell anyhow…)
We’re all busy, I get that. But I was unhappily-busy. I had created all sorts of avoidance techniques to fool me and everyone else that I had it all together. But in reality, I was falling apart. And who was I fooling, really?
My joy was lost somewhere between my to-list and my what-the-hell-am-I-doing-with-my-life list. I didn’t know what I was working towards anymore. I doubted everything. My abilities, my dreams, my relationships - what did everything mean anymore? Is this what I wanted to model for my kids?
Mexico is a very lovely place to have a breakdown.
For so long I avoided that pain, that doubt, that insecurity. But when I finally gave myself permission to feel shitty, to wail at the ocean, to unload - that is when things started to feel better. That is when I saw a glimmer of clarity. That is when I was able to make decisions to shift from finding balance to finding joy.
It does not matter how many hours a week we work, how many piles of laundry we have or how many projects we have on the go.
What matters is that we are happy. Not grin-and-bear-it happy, but that I’m-good-with-where-I’m-at happy. That, our to-do list - no matter how long it is - includes those things that bring us joy. I have forgotten to put these things on my list for a very long time. Heck, I didn’t even know what those items were.
Sure, there are going to be tasks that we don’t particularly enjoy. But if we are doing enough things that DO bring us joy - then it does not feel so overwhelming, so heavy.
So, I’ve been making changes everywhere.
One change that I am most excited about is we’ve got ourselves a new Managing Editor here at EverythingMom.com. I’m sure you all know her very well and love her as much as I do.
Carrie Anne Badov has been a wonderful inspiration to me (and many others) since the dawn of Everything. I am so thrilled to welcome her to our team. Carrie Anne will now manage the process of EverythingMom as Managing Editor. Please welcome Carrie Anne to the team!
Having Carrie Anne take on this role frees me up to be creative. To build and develop the heart of EverythingMom — compelling content & tools to inspire, empower and support our community.
Having Carrie Anne frees me up to do things for me. For my children, for my relationships. For life.
I am looking forward to my to-do list in 2010. Because it starts with joy.
Thanks for being part of Everything - I love you all.
xoxo
Michelle
What an honest article. Congratulations to you, Everything Mom and Carrie Anne for all your new opportunities!
Well said, Michelle. I struggle with the whole balance thing all the time, too. There is no job on earth harder or more challenging than that of a mother. We work hard 24 hours a day, saving hardly any time for ourselves and our relationships. We all reach the end of our ropes and it’s hard to find the true balance we all crave. It’s true, though, that we should focus on being HAPPY and together. The laundry, etc. - that can wait. Thanks for this honest post. You’re not alone!
How exciting! I am glad you got to scream at the ocean, and clear your head, reset your priorities.
<3
I wish you both much success!
So pleased to hear of the happy changes going on! Well done, Michelle, it’s a tough job to take a hard look at your life and say “this needs to change, I want to enjoy it all and I’m not…yet!” Moms especially get locked into the lists of to-do lists, and I’m as guilty an any other. ; ) I have my own joys to rediscover and my own time to rebalance.
And Carrie Ann, congratulations! What wonderful news. I find this site to be a gentle escape from the sometimes crazy ‘net reading, and I look forward to what you two will achieve together.
Thank you everyone for your kind support, love our community!
I’ll say it again Michelle, you are a brave woman. Brave enough to go against the risks and build EverythingMom into the great site it is now. Brave enough to try and balance life and work. Brave enough to realize and admit that things don’t work out as planned, that we’re not the super humans we sometimes feel we need to be.
You’re an amazing inspiration to many moms who are trying to find their family, personal and work self. I am extremely proud and excited to be working with you on EverythingMom. I can’t wait to see how the year unfolds!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this opportunity.
No one can do it all. I’m glad you were able to get away and focus on your family and yourself so that you could see things in a different light. We all need that at times!
HUGS - Dionna
Aloha Michelle-you cease to amaze me! was screaming in joy yesterday after bumping into Alli-you know-one of the people i truly miss from Calgary,and needed to re-connect with-on the beaches of Maui of all places-karma-I tell yah.xoxo-dee
ps the ocean and a holiday ALWAYS helps
I appreciate the honesty and wisdom shared here. I believe that balance really is about creating more joy and attending to the areas of our lives that we neglect. As mothering women, it is easy to focus on so much “doing” that we forget about simply “being” - and fun and adventure, or spontaneity, fall by the wayside. Or, perhaps more literally, to the bottom of our ‘to do’ lists. If I were to launch a mothering campaign, it would be “more joy, less depletion.”
Erin Dullea, CPCC, ACC
Thank you for an honest and heartfelt post. Moms often carry heavy loads but don’t think we can have those break down mments, when actually that’s what we need. I am glad you are refreshed and renewed. I am glad that you were able to make a change that will have a positive impact on your own life and family.
Accepting that we mom’s can’t DO everything is definitely the first step to finding joy in our lives. We are our own worst critics and to learn to forgive ourselves for not being perfect, the happier we can all be.