Balance is not Everything. I’ve tried all the tricks in attempt to create it in hopes that it will fix everything. Parts of me still tries to convince myself that balance is the answer, that balance is all I need.
But I don’t. I need joy. That’s what I discovered. 24 days in Mexico will do that to a girl.
When I stopped trying to reach for that thing called balance, and started focusing on what would bring more joy to my life, balance just somehow started to happen.
Rewind to Pre-Mexico:
Everything was pretty messy. I was in the throws of business negotiations, my marriage was struggling, my kids had piles of to-dos for both school and activities and I would not let anyone near my house for reasons I am sure you can imagine. (I probably would not even recognize my friends if they rang my bell anyhow…)
We’re all busy, I get that. But I was unhappily-busy. I had created all sorts of avoidance techniques to fool me and everyone else that I had it all together. But in reality, I was falling apart. And who was I fooling, really?
My joy was lost somewhere between my to-list and my what-the-hell-am-I-doing-with-my-life list. I didn’t know what I was working towards anymore. I doubted everything. My abilities, my dreams, my relationships - what did everything mean anymore? Is this what I wanted to model for my kids?
Mexico is a very lovely place to have a breakdown.
For so long I avoided that pain, that doubt, that insecurity. But when I finally gave myself permission to feel shitty, to wail at the ocean, to unload - that is when things started to feel better. That is when I saw a glimmer of clarity. That is when I was able to make decisions to shift from finding balance to finding joy.
It does not matter how many hours a week we work, how many piles of laundry we have or how many projects we have on the go.
What matters is that we are happy. Not grin-and-bear-it happy, but that I’m-good-with-where-I’m-at happy. That, our to-do list - no matter how long it is - includes those things that bring us joy. I have forgotten to put these things on my list for a very long time. Heck, I didn’t even know what those items were.
Sure, there are going to be tasks that we don’t particularly enjoy. But if we are doing enough things that DO bring us joy - then it does not feel so overwhelming, so heavy.
So, I’ve been making changes everywhere.
One change that I am most excited about is we’ve got ourselves a new Managing Editor here at EverythingMom.com. I’m sure you all know her very well and love her as much as I do.
Carrie Anne Badov has been a wonderful inspiration to me (and many others) since the dawn of Everything. I am so thrilled to welcome her to our team. Carrie Anne will now manage the process of EverythingMom as Managing Editor. Please welcome Carrie Anne to the team!
Having Carrie Anne take on this role frees me up to be creative. To build and develop the heart of EverythingMom — compelling content & tools to inspire, empower and support our community.
Having Carrie Anne frees me up to do things for me. For my children, for my relationships. For life.
I am looking forward to my to-do list in 2010. Because it starts with joy.
Thanks for being part of Everything - I love you all.
xoxo
Michelle
Well, that’s my goal. There. I said it out loud. I want to learn to run 5k in 30 minutes. Soon. I am almost there!
The art of parenting is complicated. Thank goodness, when it comes to decorating kid’s rooms, the art of children is not.
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