I’ve been acting like this other self for so long, I’ve lost the essence of who I really am. 

My MomEsteem journey last year peeled away many layers of pretence, but then I stopped.

Because the truth was just too much to bear.  The rock wall I hit was one that stared back at me and said: “Lady, if you really want to get serious here, there’s going to have to be some big changes made.  This you that you are looking for is living beyond this rock.  If you want to keep going, you need to make some changes that require some actual changes, not just talk. You game?”

I put away my shovel.  Because the fear of not knowing who or what was on the other side of that rock wall petrified me.  What if I can’t find my way?  What if I fail?  What if I’m alone over there?  Plus? Life is just too crazy right now to keep digging.  

So I headed back to the safety of my fortress, stuffing myself with layers of protection from the lies I was telling myself.

Continuing to live exist here is exhausting, lonely and disconnects me from feeling anything.   

I’m picking up my shovel again.  I’m going to tell the truth about everything to guide me through to the other side.  I’m going to be courageous, vulnerable and alive.

Now the real work fun begins.

Photo by sanctu