Listening To Your Heart (Week #3)

If you have been following along my MomEsteem journey, you may have gathered that listening to my heart is a challenge for me. Because, you know, that would mean that I would have to get still, and feel. Feel something, anything.

I didn’t want to feel. I wanted to do. To avoid the feeling thing.

My first conversation with Jennifer brought me into the depths of feeling. She asked me to explore what listening to my heart was like. I was invited to physically put my hand to my heart - bare skin to bare skin.

Remember? It was horribly dark and not fun.

BUT.

I have discovered that exploring the dark caves brought me to the path that finally lead me through to the other side. To the glorious wide open space of my soul.

I found it. I never believed that it was possible. You see, although I put on a brave front here at EM, I have struggled with my sense of self-esteem since I was a very young girl. I have childhood stories of shame, just like so many of us do.

I spent my teen / young adult years in and out of therapy, experimented with all sorts of avoidance techniques, mood-stabilizing drugs, labels, anything to “fix” everything. I was desperate to feel good. And it continued, in spurts, until now. I am 37.

But never did I stop to listen to my heart. To feel.

Oh, I tried meditating. In fact that was the #1 thing I wanted my coach to help me with. Help me develop a solid, deep practice of meditating. You know -- something to do, a task to check off my list. There - I have accomplished meditating! What's next?

I had it that this feeling good thing was hard. If it was easy - everyone would feel good. So, it seemed unreachable for me. An idea. A state that other people got to experience, but not me. Because I have 37 years of practice and experience of not feeling good. That is a lot of un-doing. And way too much work. It’ll never happen.

It has been THREE weeks people.

And it has happened. I feel good. 

I still have a lot of work to do, yes. But at least I can feel good doing it. YES!

Have you struggled with listening to your heart? Join our Mom Esteem group and let’s work together to find a way back to feeling everything. There, I share my thoughts on a book that was recommended to me by my coach, Jennifer. It has been a life changer for me.

Image by Shabbir Siraj

About Mom Esteem Michelle Davies, the founder of EverythingMom, is on a 12 week Self-Esteem Journey with Life Coach, Jennifer Pernfuss. Mom Esteem was inspired by the Dove Movement for Self-Esteem. We invite you to join the journey by joining our Mom Esteem Group or starting your own journey by contacting Jennifer.

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