May your 7 year old find skipping ropes, bubble blowers and dress up clothes galore wherever she skips to. And may your 37 year old self find calm and clarity in work, life and love.
I hope you don't feel smaller after sharing all these things. Because somehow, the more honest you are, the bigger you seem. Expanded. Open. All good things. ; )
Be well, be happy in what you are discovering.
The latest from our Heart and Soul
| Start Your Own Journey { join our MomEsteem Group } |
Join our Mom Esteem group to hear stories and experiences from our Life Coach, Jennifer Pernfuss and other moms just like you.
Week #9: Michelle's Journey
If you’ve been following the entire MomEsteem journey, each week you will notice that I just keep going deeper and deeper into the darkness. I have been going through somewhat of a rite of passage. Clearing away the cobwebs to discover the dusty path to my core. 
The voices keep throwing me ropes from the edge, trying to yank me back up to their version of reality. They shout... “Get over it all ready, life is not that bad, just move on, stop whining and just start living your life...” No, life is not that bad, I simply have some dirty work to do. The rope I used to climb down is leading me to somewhere beautiful and it will carry me back up, when I am ready.
This is a painful process. It is not fun. In fact, I have avoided this journey for decades, as most of us who feel a sense of emptiness inside tend to do. It is far easier to brighten up the darkness with some sparkle than it is to embrace the messy corners of our souls. That is why buying into those voices help lure us away from the grungy nooks. We reach for glitter to mask the appearance of what is really happening beneath the veil.
Pretending is a far easier game to play. But at what costs? Hiding out in the illusion of perfection serves no one, least of all ourselves and our children.
Yes, it’s hard. And yes, it sucks. But it is worth it.
Getting on to this week’s discoveries...which are incredibly difficult to put out there, to admit, to share. Being vulnerable to complete strangers is one thing, but to leave myself wide open and raw for everyone in my inner circle is even harder. I am petrified that they will use it against me, judge me, knock me down and leave me feeling smaller than I felt before. But I committed to doing this. So I am not going to sprinkle sparkle all over it and paint myself pretty. I am authentically showing up for everyone, including myself.
If you remember last week, I uncovered an empty love well within myself. It comes from an old story I carry around about love. The short version is “I don’t know how to give and receive love because I don’t know what love is.” Feeling like I was not effectively shown or taught love as a child, I settled into the story of “I am all I have. And a big FU to everyone else”.
It is a very old story that I have lived out since I was about 7 years old. And because part of the story is grounded in “I am all I have”, good luck letting that story go. Because then what will I have?
In other words, I sometimes look at life from the perspective of a 7 year old because I have not yet let that story go. I have this chamber hidden deep inside of me that is crying out for nurturing. But remember the big FU to everyone else part? Yeah.
But here’s the thing: Nurturing a 7 year old is completely different than cherishing a 37 year old.
The 37 year old me can honour and nurture the 7 year old within me. Only I can fill her heart with compassion, tenderness and love. No one else can or should be expected to take on that task. And numbing her out doesn’t work either, I’ve tried that. Children are persistent little creatures.
I want to live and love as a 37 year old, delicious, soulful, powerful woman in all aspects of my life, not just snippets like running my business.
Noticing when my 7 year old perspective shows up, I can now gently step into the woman who is creating a new story. I can whisper to this little girl that she is loved and she needn't manage a relationship with my husband, or be in charge of finances, or parent my children. That is my job, not hers. She can run along and play, be free and be happy. That is her job.
I have wonderful grown-up work to do in this world. Now I can finally get started.
Image by: eddi 07
|
About Mom Esteem Michelle Davies, the founder of EverythingMom, is on a 12 week Self-Esteem Journey with Life Coach, Jennifer Pernfuss. Mom Esteem was inspired by the Dove Movement for Self-Esteem. |
Comments (2)
-
Thanks Jen, you see that scary, small part? That's my 7yo afraid of getting hurt.
I am so thankful for my coach, Jennifer, who keeps holding the space I have wanted to create for myself, which is looking to those who throw mud (inner or outer voices) with compassion and love vs anger and hurt.
A bigger space, a wider space and a more loving space.
This is the space I want to model for my children. Nothing people can say or do "out there" can alter what is "in here". Take a stand for compassion and love vs anger and judgment.
Next week, I am working on setting respectful boundaries while showing compassion and love for myself and others.
What a rocky ride!
Powered by Compojoom comment 4.2.1
