Week #8: Michelle's Journey
This will most likely be the hardest post in my MomEsteem journey that I will write. Well, so far. But here goes...

During my last MomEsteem call, I was totally stuck in ego and could not access my soul at all during the majority of the conversation. I was frustrated, blocked and all plugged up with stories of limitations and failures. In fact, she called me out saying she won’t coach that un-coachable voice. (Yeah, Jennifer rocks. She tells it like it is and does not let me get away with nothin’. Dammit.)

I told her a story of my recent trip to NYC. Standing in line at an airport bathroom (of all places), I found myself noticing how easy it was to differentiate between women who smiled from their souls and those who grin and bear it. Do all women ponder spiritual notions in public bathrooms, or is it just me? Anyway...

I grin and bear it.

I ache for that free-flowing joyful smile that radiates from my deepest core. But instead, it is so covered up with darkness that I just paste on this meagre grin.

I admitted to Jennifer that I could not look in the mirror. When I did, I saw darkness where I yearned for light and love. For perfection. For someone who had it all together, who knew what decisions to make, how to be the perfect mother, wife, friend, entrepreneur...

About then is when my soul crept into the conversation.

And I cried.

I am such an all-or-nothing gal. I don’t do mediocre so well. I’ve made myself miserable searching for and only accepting perfection within myself and my life. Knowing that perfection is an impossible ideal, I hide out in the darkness instead. It feels safer for me to judge my relationships, experiences and personal flaws than it is to accept them let alone celebrate them.

So I avoid the mirror. Because that is the only place where I have to stop looking outside of myself for love and clearly see the empty well staring back at me.

Can you look in the mirror? Look deep into your eyes for more than a few moments? Or do you crinkle up your face, scoff and walk away?

As I mentioned, there was only a brief time in this week’s call that I was speaking from my soul. But in that space, everything opened up.

And then the universe stepped in. This time, guidance arrived in the form of Nic Askew, a friend of my coach’s who produces provocative short films called “Soul Biographies”.

Jennifer reached out to Nic to ask him for permission to share his film “The Girl Who Looked Into The Mirror” with me.

More tears. And joy. And acceptance. And home.

We are going to be working with Nic a bit more, but for now, he has given us permission to share his film with our EverythingMom readers. Please take a few (8) minutes to watch this incredible, moving film about inner love.

FILM | ‘THE GIRL WHO LOOKED INTO THE MIRROR’ | 8m | STARRING LISA EVANS

MORE FILMS BY THE NIC ASKEW AT SOULBIOGRAPHIES.COM