Everything Loving

Stepping Away for the Sake of the Kids

Carrie Anne — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 02:02:05 +0000

I love how my iPhone keeps me connected: my husband and I exchange silly banter and updates on our day through text messages; I can search for recipe ideas to inspire my dinner plans for the evening; I can answer my email even when I’m away from my computer; I can connect with people to share a joke, a photo, an opinion when I log into my social networks. My iPhoone enables me to create balance between work and home, giving me the chance to spend time with my kids while still meeting work obligations.

See? It connects me to everything, everything but my kids.

The convenience of having a mini computer right in my breast pocket has started to interfere with my life; fooling me into believing I’ve achieved balance. There’s a difference between walking my kids to school to ensure they arrive from point A to point B safely and on time, and spending time with my kids as we walk to school together. Can you guess which group I’m in?

Spending the whole walk with my fingers tapping words on my iPhone, my eyes focused on a little screen, is not what I envisioned as quality time with my kids. My kids don’t either. They’re not content with mom just walking them to school, like a robot on automatic pilot, and who can blame them.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t leave the house with the kids intending on doing all my office work en-route to school. It starts off by innocently checking my email, which leads to another email and a text and a tweet. Next thing I know, we’re at school and the kids are heading in.

My youngest suffers most I think. She loves to play imaginary games and is quite content to play them on her own when we walk home, almost giving me permission or justifying my palm-sized screen time. Looks can be deceiving. On those occasions when I do interact and play her games on our walk home, she laughs more and louder, does less whining about the weather and seems to enjoy our time together more. I guess that’s the difference; it’s actually time together, connecting, not just walking side by side.

Technology is a great tool and it does give me more freedom. But if I’m not taking advantage of that freedom, not living in the moment, what’s the point? So things are going to change. I am no longer taking my phone with me when I walk the kids to school or pick them up after school. I will have no need to check email or send a text or tweet since I won’t have the tool. I can only focus on my kids, talking about their day, sharing silly knock-knock jokes, or even just walking together silently. But we’ll actually be together.

No email or call or message is so important that it can’t wait forty-five minutes. They’ll still be there when I get home. Sooner than I want, my kids will desire doing things with others instead of hangout with me. I want to enjoy these moments now, remembering why I left agency life to spend time at home. So goodbye phone, hello silly animals games and school yard stories. It’s been a long time coming but I’m glad I’m back.

Off to get the kids.

A Brighter Holiday: Three Tips and a Contest to Enjoying Your Holidays

Carrie Anne — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 20:33:27 +0000

Fighting last minute gift shoppers, baking another batch of Christmas cookies, finalizing end of the year invoicing. Sometimes my Christmas To-Do list can feel a little overwhelming, overshadowing the festive side of the holidays.

Since the holidays are so short and mean so much to my kids, there are a few things I try to follow to make our holidays a little brighter:

It Doesn’t Have to be Big. Sometimes we work-up in our mind that the only real holiday memories are the ones attached to big, spectacular events: decorating a gingerbread house, going caroling around the neighbourhood, hosting a bunch of your child’s friends for a baking marathon. These can be fun but also a lot of work. My kids have taught me that simple things can be fun, even if that means doing a puzzle together or enjoying a family movie. The best memory is the time together.

Have a Plan. We’ve been participating in The 25 Days of Christmas at our home. Like an advent calendar, we have a planned holiday activity for each day in December, leading up to Christmas. The activities have to be fun and can’t consist of required tasks like addressing Christmas cards or wrapping gifts. The kids love this and look forward to checking the calendar each morning to find out what we’re doing that night.

Schedule Time. It’s easy for your social calendar to fill-up with holiday events and tasks. I actually have an allotted time that is family time (from after school until bedtime). There are no meetings, no emails, just family time for activities like our 25 Days of Christmas.

Sure these tips are obvious, but applying them has changed our holiday from getting through Christmas to enjoying Christmas. How would you rather remember your holidays?

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Remember, the holidays are short, make the best of them.

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Personal Display of Affection (PDA). How Comfortable Are You?

Trina — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 17:00:00 +0000

A friend of mine was at an over-30 party a few months back. As midnight neared and the party went into overtime, a slow song came on. My friend made a beeline for her husband and danced slowly and seductively with him. They enjoyed the moment immensely, grateful to feel comfortable enough in front of their friends to express their affection.

While most people at the party did not even notice their going’s on, two people at the party did and proceeded to make a big stink about it the next day. My friend felt terrible and said it turned a really nice experience with her husband into one of guilt. She was disappointed that two stick-in-the-muds had to ruin a special moment.

On the flip side are people who openly grope each other in public. An extreme example would be from a few years back, when a couple on an airplane decided to have sex—not in the mile-high-club washroom but rather at their seat. When the flight attendant came to “break them up”, the flight attendant was told to mind her own business.

As much as I believe in viva la difference, if that couple had been sitting in front of me, I probably would have been uncomfortable (mesmerized, but still uncomfortable).

Simply mentioning the words, “Public displays of affection” (PDA) at a dinner party will bring out a barrage of opinions. Both for and against. There are many reasons why some feel comfortable seeing other people be affectionate in public while others do not.

So for those of you who play Trivial Pursuit, here’s the quick and dirty on why some people stare and others squirm when they see others openly affectionate.

Hot weather climates produce people who feel a lot more comfortable with touching. The colder the climate (like Canada), the more people become uncomfortable.

Being extroverted or introverted also plays a role. Generally speaking, people who are extroverted unconsciously touch—it is apart of their bonding with others. Introverts do not really feel comfortable with people getting in their space.

As well, there is a correlation between a person’s comfort level with PDA and which city they are from. Cities like Montreal and Vancouver have a more laid back nature and mottos like, “Live and let live”.

In cities like San Francisco, New Orleans or Sydney, Australia, neither public displays of affection nor public nudity is considered a big deal. I attended a street fair in San Francisco where nude people nonchalantly walked and shopped the fair. They were making a statement. I have never seen anything like that in my home town of Calgary.

Who’s Right?
No one is right in this situation. It is a matter of personal preference. The question then becomes how should the majority react to the minority?

A bell curve of attitudes will arise around people’s PDA comfort level. The majority of people sit in the middle of the bell-curve and are okay with most PDA. On either sides of the bell curve will be the extremists: on one end those people who are completely intolerant and, on the other end, those people who get turned on by “doing it” in public places.

As there is no rulebook for affectionate conduct, it means that every interaction is up for interpretation. Consequently, common sense must come into play. Common sense (at least in my world) would dictate that moderation is key, and anything in excess can become destructive.

This holds true for PDA. Hand-holding, sitting close, kissing and nuzzling are pretty innocent, fun and healthy actions. Zero touch can lead to a loss of spontaneity and warmth within the couple. Or, when the touch becomes hot and heavy groping, the first thing you need to ask is, “Would I do this in front of my mom?” If not, maybe you should find a private place.

Being Naked: Women and Body Issues

Trina — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 16:00:00 +0000

It was my first semester at graduate school in San Francisco. The artsy-fartsy professor decided we needed to do a little de-stressing. He instructed the class to get into groups of three and do a two-people massaging one-person exercise. In the time it took for me to turn to the two people sitting closest and ask them to be in my group, I looked back at the front and there was my professor stark naked.

To say the least, I was shocked. However, not so shocked as when all my classmates followed suit and took off their clothes. Out of my embarrassment at being the only person left with clothes on, I managed to take off my shirt, but kept my bra on.

It was, to say the least, an extremely impactful moment. I spent many hours after navel gazing, trying to understand and find reason for why the average gal has such profound body issues.

With fresh eyes, I read magazine articles with titles like, “10 Tricks to Hide Your Bulges.” I watched Atkins and WeightWatchers commercials advocating losing weight before bikini season. I walked by cosmetic counters with miracle cures to eliminate unsightly cellulite. It became apparent that everyone and everything was screaming at every woman every minute of the day as to just how unattractive her body is to look at.

My Next Naked Moment
Three years later, I was back at school taking an advanced course in sex therapy. With seven-foot mirrors to our front and to our back, every individual in the class was to strip down naked and describe from head to toe what they liked and disliked about their body.

So there I was taking off my clothes in front of my class. As tears streamed down my face and my whole body shook, I realized society’s perfectionist values still had a stronghold on me. I kept thinking how ludicrous my emotional outbreak was because I did the exact same drill everyday in the gym locker room.

Interestingly enough, none of the women in this class could get completely naked: we only stripped down to our bras and panties. And none of us could say a lot of things we liked about our bodies. The men, on the other hand, were pretty nonchalant about being naked and were happy to talk about their less-than-perfect figures as absolutely divine. The difference in the men’s and women’s naked attitudes made me furious.

In that moment, something in me snapped and my mind made a fundamental shift. For many days after the exercise, I stomped around San Francisco absolutely f-u-r-i-o-u-s.

Angry at all the wasted years of my life spent feeling inadequate about my body. Angry at how much of my sexuality was stifled because I could not accept my imperfections as unique. Angry that I could not let people get close because my body insecurities pushed them away.

After the naked-perfectionist anger came the naked-reality calm. I would be lying if I said I always feel 100% great about my body, because I do not. However, when I look in the mirror, I no longer home in on all my imperfections.

In accepting my body, my sexuality is able to ooze out of every pore.

Your Turn to Be Naked
So although it may seem a little too weird and artsy-fartsy, why don’t you try doing the same exercise. Look in a full length mirror—that hasn’t been fogged by the shower—and go from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet and do body inventory.

And really appreciate the way your body looks…because in twenty years it’s only going to get worse.

How You are Sexy

Trina — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 16:00:00 +0000

You have it within you to be ‘that sexy person’ who can walk into any room and stop everyone in their tracks. You are that person who unabashedly oozes sexuality. Are you rolling your eyes?

You see, how to be sexy is easy. It’s the getting over yourself that’s the hard part. Unfortunately for many women, spending time ‘selfishly’ on self is a four-letter word.

So if you’ve taken your sexy-mojo and put it on a dark dusty shelf in the back of your clothes closet, here are five ideas on how you can be sexy. Notice none of them have to do with the way you dress, apply make up or whether you have this season’s shoes.

Now, instead of perusing the list and quickly dismissing it, take a good hard look in the mirror. What else can you add into your life that would take your sexy up a notch?

Sexy people are fun to be around. They laugh a lot and have tons of positive energy.
Sexy is your attitude, independence and confidence. Sexy is completely accepting yourself, warts and all. Confidence is derived from being fully self-expressed and not worrying about society’s narrow definition of what is acceptable behavior.
Sexy is (believe it or not) good posture. Even if you don’t feel confident, fake it ‘til you make it. Shoulders back, stick out the girls and walk with a bit of a strut.
Sexy is not necessarily having the perfect body. It is being comfortable with what you’ve been given and putting it out there for everyone to see. Yet over 80% of women have issues with their body. Women tend to stand in front of the mirror and zoom in on all their wobbly bits—that is, if they even have the energy to look at their ‘deformed’ body (honestly, it kills me how much women hate their body). Guess what? Reminding yourself a minimum 365 times a year that your body is ugly isn’t going to help you feel good about yourself.
Sexy is not taking yourself so seriously. Sexy is not trying too hard to impress. Super high-strung, wound-like-a-top people are not sexy because they spend the majority of their day being uptight.

Remember to take time out of your busy day to acknowledge, appreciate and love that sexy part of you. Forever be outrageous and allow your sexy-mojo to run free.