Odd Man Out

I'm not one to argue with James Brown, but when it comes to being a stay-at-home parent, it's not a man's world.

The statistics show that more men are choosing to stay at home. But take a look around your playgroup or music class and you can see we're still a pretty rare breed.

So what does that mean for dads like me? Well, I've taken the kids to countless swimming lessons, playgrounds, pools, play-dates but I'm still a 'novelty'.

Let's face it. As a mom, you're more comfortable asking another female where she got her daughter's cute shoes than to ask me. And, did you really think I was the one who bought them? Yes, those ones. The pink, frilly Gymboree ones. (They were from a consignment shop down the road, and yes, I bought them for her).

Hey, I'll be the first to say that it doesn't help that I wouldn't exactly describe myself as outgoing. Far from it really. Meeting people and making small talk isn't one of strengths.

So, between my introverted tendencies and the fact that I wasn't female, it just never seemed easy to strike up a conversation that might lead to a play-date. My wife was always puzzled. She set up multitudes of play dates on her mat leave. She even started a play group in our home for a while. It didn't seem to matter where she went, she came out of it with new friends - for herself and the kids.

In the end I realized that I missed a sense of community - a support structure. Friends and co-workers to talk to about the ups and downs of the day: what was driving me crazy, what made me laugh and what left me with a sense of awe.

The people I used to work with, were concerned about office life and email, not the best music class or warmest winter boots. Being the odd man out so to speak meant I missed people to vent to or laugh with. That sense of shared experience was more important to me than I thought.

Buddhist wisdom tells us not to judge an experience as either good or bad. Rather than pitying myself, my experiences have led me to treasure my time with the kids even more deeply. What I have learned is not to take what I do for granted. Lots of other dads (and moms) don't have the luxury of staying at home with their kids. They have to go to work. So, taking my kids places that mom's usually do, is one of my favourite things in the world.

About the Author Managing Partner and Editor-in-Chief at one of the best social networking and lifestyle sites for moms, EverythingMom.com. Trying to balance life at home with my 3 kids (all under 8), while building my business, working at EverythingMom.com and developing my writing. Oh and throw a load of laundry in and a dinner that isn't burnt. Wasn't working from home suppose to be easier? Posted by Carrie Anne in dynamics on August 31, 2010 More from this author  |  Author Website Follow Carrie Anne on:  |  |  |

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0 # alex_sal 2011-07-17 17:10

I recently started a business and work from home, but because I have a lot of flexibility and my wife works in an office, I've become a stay at home dad of sorts. I guess, because I'm outgoing, my experience has been different. And for support, I have a lot of friends that are of great help just a click away thanks to Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging.

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