Women On The Fence Blog

So I woke up 5:30am Sunday morning, stomach in knots, and pretty anxiety-ridden. This upcoming week is a big one. I just launched The Erica Diamond Jewelry Collection for Ice, I’m missing back to school on Wednesday to shoot a TV segment out of town, and just the mommyhood, wifehood and life duties swirled around in my already cluttered brain. Perhaps you can relate to a frenetic pace as back to school approaches, work deadlines creep up, bills have to get paid, food has to make its way into your fridge, and laundry has to somehow magically get done. Perhaps you have a supportive partner who helps out. Perhaps you’re doing it alone.

I actually tweeted about my anxious state yesterday morning, and someone told me to try taking pills. Well, I don’t even take an Advil for a headache so that wouldn’t go over well. I did however, do yoga, then push-ups, then dips, then 2-minute planks, then ate a great healthy breakfast, and by 9:30, I was seriously 90% better. No joke. And a light-bulb went off in my brain, an ‘AHA moment,’… we are SO MUCH IN CONTROL OF OURSELVES AND OUR LIVES. We are in control of our health, our well-being, our mental state, our marriage, our children. Everything. It’s up to us to give ourselves the best life possible. No one else can do it for us, and truth is, it’s best when we can do it for ourselves. It was a powerful realization.

When you think about it, there are really 4 areas in our lives that get cluttered… our minds, our bodies, our homes, and our relationships. So today, my goal is to get your brains uncluttered as the pressures of summer-ending approaches. As we get back to routine, back from vacation, and return for some, to mounting pressures, here are 21 things you can do TODAY to help calm your mind, body, physical space, and relationships. These are 21 things that I have done almost daily, for most of my life, and have helped keep me off any medication, have kept my weight in check, my relationships in order, and my house a comfortable place to live.

At the end, I’d love to hear what keeps your mind decluttered and stress-free.

1. Start your day with a tall glass of lemon water. It’s a great way to flush out toxins, prevent diseases and assist in cleansing your system from impurities. Just do it. You’ll notice a difference in your skin, your body and your insides will thank you.

2. Plan your entire week on Sundays, as well as your next day on the evening prior. This can even be done in bed, by glancing at your calendar. Waking up to a surprise TO-DO list with unexpected tasks you forgot about, can be very unnerving. A simple 20 minutes to plan your next day or week has helped in every way. If I see my week is looking too full, I see what I can reschedule for a quieter time.

3. I make sure 85% of my commitments are NECESSARY COMMITMENTS. That means, I have started eliminating unnecessary commitments from my schedule. And it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted. Practice the art of saying “no” to the things that don’t bring you happiness and fulfillment. If you’re at your human pretzel threshold, well, that won’t serve you very well. Drop what’s not absolutely necessary. You’ll get over it, and maybe next “semester” will have the time.

4. Do a check-in with those you love on a daily basis if possible, if not, every second day. That means those relationships closest to you… partner, children, parents. I “check in” with my kids every single night before bed…. is something bothering them that day, did anything great happen that they wanted to share, did they learn something new? I try and do the same with my husband… although he has a tendency to be less verbal than me.

5. Create a harmonious workspace. This means, at the end of EVERY day, take the time to clean up your office, your desk, so it greets your CALMLY the next morning.

6. EXERCISE – walk, run, bike, cycle, hike, spin, yoga, pilates, strength train. Commit to being physically active at least 3 times a week, for one hour. If I only have a little bit of time to work out, I run for 30 minutes, do 20 push-ups, 20 dips, and five 2-minute plank intervals. That’s all. It takes me about 48-52 minutes. I feel like a million bucks.

7. I prepare my snacks for the week on Sundays… I cut up vegetables in containers. I cut up fruit in containers. I make sure I have nuts, yogurt, hummus, cheese, peanut butter, everything accessible and CUT UP. This makes it easier when I’m hungry and want to grab junk snacks.

8. Which leads us to…Dejunk your fridge and pantry. Just STOP buying crap for your house.  I don’t buy diet soda, I don’t buy any chocolate, rarely buy ice cream. Yes, I buy a few of the “healthier” cookies and some chips, but overall, my house is healthy. I let cheats be OUT OF THE HOUSE. I don’t let cheats be PART of the house. Junk food will kill you. I swear it.

9. Schedule time for your girlfriends. Once a month… commit to lunch, coffee, dinner with one friend, or five. Your girlfriends are necessary parts of your existence… make time for them and stop making excuses. It’s like the gym… you don’t think you have the time, but you’re never sorry after you go.

10. Soak in a nightly bath and make a cup of herbal tea. After my kids go to bed, even before my husband gets my attention, I take 45 minutes to myself almost nightly. I take a NIGHTLY HOT BATH, and finish with a warm soothing cup of organic detox tea. It sets my mood for the evening and helps calm and sooth me. It’s my daily MUST-DO.

11. Stop procrastinating. NO more excuses. BUDGET YOUR TIME. Use a calendar. Don’t leave things ’till the last minute. Keep your inbox clean and updated. Stop letting things pile up. Commit to taking an afternoon in the next week, and CLEAN HOUSE.

12. Volunteer. Just volunteer. When you can. If you don’t have a lot of free time, don’t put a rigid schedule to it. Find something meaningful, such a s meals on wheels, where you can call at the last minute and help out. Helping someone in need is absolutely rewarding and a wonderful way to unclutter yourself.

13. Get 30-45 minutes of fresh air outside, 7 DAYS A WEEK, 365 days a year. NO EXCUSES. I walk outside in the winter. I sit on my deck and let the vitamin D soak on my skin. A person needs OUT. If you work in an office all day, keep those running shoes handy at lunchtime, and head out for a power walk.

14. Stop trying to keep up with the Jonses. Part of what made my first business successful, and now my blog well received, is because I NEVER TRIED KEEPING UP WITH ANYONE OTHER THAN MYSELF AND MY OWN PERSONAL BEST. I am simply always trying to do better than MYSELF, not better than anyone else. That goes for your life. Just focus on your own journey. No one has everything, so stop comparing yourself to others. Please.

15. Plan outfits, lunches, meals the night before. My kids lunches are made the night before. I even try and lay out their clothes the night before (a must if you have picky dressers). The frenetic mornings are much easier when all we have to do is get up, brush our teeth, eat breafast, and go to school. The boys get showered the night before. I grab their lunch from the fridge and we’re out the door. Starting the day off at a hectic level, doing everything from scratch, doesn’t set the tone for a calm day.

16. ROMANCE. Make time. Reconnect with your partner. Call grandparents twice a year to take your children and have A STAYCATION with your partner- that means your vacation with your partner takes place at home! Make a yummy dinner by candlelight. Regroup. Sleep in. Pamper each other. Be good to each other. This costs nothing. It only costs the gas to deliver your kids to the neighbor’s, grandparents or friends. Do it. Trust me.

17. When guilt creeps up, shoe it away. You are a woman who deserves to feel healthy, fulfilled and happy. When we run from task to task, taking zero downtown to regroup, we burn out. This is a fact, and it happened to me in 2002. Find the happy medium between giving to those around you, and learning to be still within yourself. That means taking the necessary ‘me-time’ you need to regroup, and NOT FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT. You are entitled to thrive in all your roles, so taking time for yourself is both necessary and vital to your overall health, and mental well-being.

18. Learn to love music. Save up for a docking station that lets you play your Ipod, loudly! Do the dishes to music, fold the laundry to music… any kind of music… the music that you love… calm soothing music, R&B, hip-hop, or heavy metal! I can give you a list from here to China about the physiological benefits of music and what it does for your serotonin levels and mood. Clean the house to music. Lie in bed and have SEX to music. Music is part of my daily life and I would be dead without it.

19. Live in the moment. When you focus on the here and now, I promise, you will feel calmer. It’s a simple but powerful concept. My anxiety only sets in once my mind wanders to other moments beside the present. It takes practice, but it works.

20. SIMPLIFY. Everything. That means simplify things such as online banking. Instead of spending money on a dinner out, hire a cleaning lady to help you instead. Reduce your spending, therefore reducing any debt. Invest in ways to SIMPLIFY your life. You will feel free, and much less weighted down. Many of us thrive in chaos (bad, friends). Practice changing your ways…. keep reminding yourself the word SIMPLIFY. Simplification brings peace.

21. Read, as often as you can. A book. A magazine. A newspaper. A romance novel. But just read. Commit to reading. On certain days, read something that educates you, on other days, read something that takes your mind away for an hour. But reading is life-changing.

I would love to hear how you have decluttered your mind, body, spirit, relationships and home.

Share your tips right here.

Until next time,

Erica Diamond

www.WomenOnTheFence.com

Twitter: @WomenOnTheFence

I have to thank my husband, who saw that my urge to write was so strong this week, that he is now making my boys breakfast downstairs, so that I can get my thoughts out of my brain and onto paper (well, you know what I mean).

2010 was an interesting year. And although I am on vacation, I couldn’t end off 2010 without a recap of a few life lessons learned, memories shared, milestones celebrated, and tough times endured. 2010 was without a doubt, the most interesting year of my life. This was my year ‘off the fence.’ Euphoric at times, to be honest. To have received a second chance to build something from nothing, was a truly a dream come true. That’s what 2010 was for me… something from nothing.

So here goes. Women On The Fence’s 2010 Year In Review– in chronological order. Some of my favorite moments…

• I argued the notion that contrary to popular belief, women are in fact NOT superwomen and cannot have it all. All we can do is strive for balance. Perfection is an illusion of the mind. Many of you debated that thought.
• We heard one woman’s story of abuse, bulimia and resilience and how she came back from the dooms of darkness.
• I made my Bucket List, which became one of my most popular pieces today, inspiring people around the world to comprise their own. Yes, even Brooke Burke too, who crossed many more items off her list than I did mine.
• Our anonymous Man On The Fence gave his controversial view on sex, (from a male perspective obviously). Many of you bashed him, but it was an interesting read nevertheless.
• I finally voiced my opinon on religion and my problem with the presence of hypocrisy.
• I challenged you to take a test to that gave you insight into your own life.
• I announced that Sarah Ferguson, The Duchess of York had endorsed my book. The book that was born out of a chance encounter at the emergence room in the hospital. Ah, my very first book. THAT’S a milestone.
• We learned some amazing life lessons from Warren Buffet.
• I discovered what life’s really all about. And I’m just a simpleton at the end of the day.
• I turned 35.
• I was the headlined speaker at The National Women’s Show and decided to show up a little less prepared than I should have because I put mommyhood first.
• I demonstrated how ONE THOUGHT could change your life.
• I showed you that there are people out there with open marriages. I asked you if you thought open marriages could survive.
• I told you to never underestimate willpower. That some of the world’s greatest ideas were born out of a dream. Never stop dreaming.
• We talked about how to talk to your kids about sex. Oh yes!
• I talked about my frustrations and feeling down, and just wanting to let go, and DANCE!
• We learned a valuable lesson from a dog named Faith.
• I took all my makeup off for the world for Bloggers Without Makeup Day.
• We heard one woman’s difficult choice she made in order to save her life.
• We talked about getting your priorities straight. A test for you to see in black and white, just what your priorities are.
• I went on a much needed girls vacation. It was exactly what the doctor ordered.
• I realized life isn’t always fair.
• We saw a video to get us to stop bitching.
• I shared incredible life lessons my father taught me. I still cry when I read them.
• We read The Wooden Bowl. It changed many of your lives.
• I saw my little ones grow up before my eyes.
• We saw one woman’s quest to lose 100 pounds and how she chose herself.
• I wrote an open letter to Lindsay Lohan that got picked up by many media sites.
• We remembered Randy Pausch
• We read a captivating story of a man who transitioned into a woman.
• One of my favorites: My husband and I celebrated 10 years married.
• I made you realized why we should live for today. You cried. It was what to cry about.
• I talked about the importance of being alone.
• I saw my first book published and launch on HSN, selling out opening weekend.
• I celebrated one year of Blogging by doing something cool.
• We heard Anissa’s Story. Wow.
• I graced the cover of the Business Section, and then the article went national in every major newspaper across this country. A true milestone.
• We talked Mommy Guilt, and yes, it struck a chord.
• We learned some more life lessons. And they were GOOD.
• We talked about men jerking off. Yes we did.
• I urged us all to stop being so hard on ourselves. We got a glimpse into Portis De Rossi’s living hell.
• We chatted overbearing mother-in-laws.
• I had some incredible experiences in LA filming a new mom show (and going to the season finale of Dancing With The Stars). A true eye-opener for me.
• I confessed my addiction.
• We heard Denise’ Story, a grave warning to ALL.
• I got you all talking MOM CAVES! Yes!
• I was on TV interviewed by a broadcaster I had grown up watching.
• I lost my shit.
• I made an exciting announcement.

Then I took a break.

Ladies (and yes gentlemen), I want to wish you all a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2011. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for celebrating with me. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on. Thank you for holding my hand.

And remember, a word about getting off the fence…

“To achieve greatness, start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.” - Arthur Ashe

See you in 2011.

xoxEDxox

Okay ladies. Things have gotten a little heavy around here. The air has been thick with incredibly moving and captivating stories. So, I felt it was time to lighten the mood. Plus we haven’t talked sex in a while. So let’s do that.

I warn you: this post is for sex and the committed person. If you’re single and screwing your brains out, please come back tomorrow.

This all started when one of my Twitter followers, (a male), said to me… “You need to write more about sex.” I replied, “I always blog about sex.” He answered, “You only touch on it. I mean a whole Blog post. On sex and the married life. On sex and the penny in the jar concept.” For those of you who don’t know what the ‘penny in the jar’ theory is, it’s this: if you put a penny in a jar for every time you had sex before marriage, and then remove one for every time you have sex AFTER marriage, you’ll never empty the jar.

(P.S. – Why are these people smiling… this isn’t looking good for them!!!)

Okay. Is this you? Are you engaging in too much kvetch talk, and not enough sex talk? If so, keep reading…

Now I’m happy to say, my husband and I enjoy a very healthy sex life. We always have, for the past 15 years we’ve been together. And I feel lucky for that. But let’s get real here: going to sleep with the same person, waking up next to the same person, having sex with the same person for as long as, let’s say my parents… 38 years, can get a little …. redundant, routine, rutty, repeat, needing reinvention. All those R’s. Real talk, ladies. And get this: Whenever my hubby says to me, “Let’s try something different (in the bedroom),” my answer is always the same, “How many different places can you possibly put that thing? It’s not a multiple choice question with that many different answers!” Ok, I’m dead tonight.

But seriously, how do you keep it going? How do you keep the passion alive? How do you make the time? Now with the return of all our favorite TV shows, exhaustion from the kids, stress from work, our hubby’s exhaustion from work, sex can kinda feel like our youth… a fading memory. So how do you in the words of Dr. Ruth, make time for pleasure?

Well I’ll tell you, it’s a stat, fact, that regular sex is proven to keep a relationship healthy, keep you healthy, and keep fights at bay. Real talk again. All from sex. And I think I need to stress that FREQUENCY requirements are different for everyone. For some, it’s daily (oh lord NOT), for some it’s 3 times a week (sounds ok, every second day), for some once a week (manageable) and for some, maybe once every 10 days. If you’re thinking…. I’M HAPPY IF IT’S ONCE A QUARTER, then listen up! You’re not having enough!!

Here are some great tips on improving your intimacy with your partners, and deriving more satisfaction and pleasure from your marriage. If you’re stuck sitting on the fence in your sex life, take the jump ladies! You might just have a good time:

• You should not be a spectator in your own sex life: Think about that for a minute. Have there been times when you’re lying there, like a dead fish, waiting for it to be over so you can watch a show, return a call, or get some zzzz’s? File your nails? You owe it to your partner and YOURSELF, to not have an out-of-body sexual encounter. Get into it, ladies! Even if it starts out forced, eventually, if you surrender and let yourself go, you won’t just be a spectator.
• Make yourself feel sexy. I am soooo guilty of this. I don’t own so much as a pair of pyjamas. I only wear fluffy cozy bathrobes. I don’t wear makeup, and I’m in glasses 90% of the time. I love my husband so much, and feel so comfortable with him, that I let him see ALL OF ME, ALL THE TIME. I’m starting to think this is a problem. The expensive lingerie I bought for my honeymoon could honestly be returned it’s so brand new. So when he asks me to make the effort, I try. But it’s important to make the effort. I am going to do this more. Go figure, for all the men who beg their wives to come to bed naked, my husband begs me to come to bed dressed! To sport a new outfit! But seriously, when we feel sexy, we ARE sexy. I’m in.
• Keep things spontaneous. It’s okay to tell your husband that you want sex in the back door, haha, just don’t plan all the intricate details! Let things evolve and go where they will. Even if you only get started late at night, those endorphins will keep you going the next day. Don’t let the clock be your guide if you’re havin’ fun.
• Initiate. For so many women who think a man should always be the one to initiate sex, c’mon ladies, we’re living in the 21st century. Now when I say initiate, I don’t just mean in bed. I mean, send dirty texts during the day, surprise him on his lunch hour for a “quickie” if you’re nearby (yes it’s possible), leave post-its around hinting what you like in the bedroom. I’m famous for sending my hubby pictures of myself where the sun don’t shine during his work meetings. Ooooh I’m so bad.

So ladies, if you went to bed angry last night, or are feeling hostile today towards your partner, remember why you got together in the first place. I have one goal for today’s Blog post… to get you to rediscover your partner. To fall in love again with your partner. TONIGHT. And when those warm fuzzies creep up, jump on it.

“An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away” — Mae West

xoxEDxox

Tell us, what do you do to keep the passion alive in your marriage? Are you a sexually satisfied woman? How do you make time for sex with all of life’s demands and the daily grind? Or are you a dried up old prune?

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