July » 2010 » DrTrina's Blog

Question: My sex life has definitely hit a rut. What can I do to make it fun?

Dr. Trina’s Answer
You have so many options the hard part will be choosing. The trick is you have to: (1) figure out new ideas; (2) be willing to break your sex routine and; (3) not take your sex so seriously.

Let’s look at the average couple’s bedroom sex scene. They have: very little to no talking, no changing up of the old and tired sex routine, certainly no laughing, no toys, no games, no nothing.

Does this make you want to run to the bedroom and throw off your clothes? Yawn. Me neither. Curling up with a favorite book elicits more stimulation. It is easy to understand why, over time, kids, work, or hobbies often take precedent.

To change your sex routine, here’s a few pointers:
Talk. If you don’t talk about what’s going on in your sex life it will never change.
Understand the problem.
Separate the nonsexual issues from the sexual ones. What are the facts—not emotions—around any sexual challenges?
Teach each other new sexual techniques.

Everyone’s version of what constitutes a good time is different. Hence, creating a fun-space means sitting down and discussing what the two of you find enjoyable and, more importantly, how you will make time.

Great Sex Tip:
For inspiration, there’s a plethora of sex books at your local bookstore that give step-by-step instructions.

Question: I dreamt that I cheated on my husband with an ex and I feel awful! What does this mean?

Dr. Trina’s Answer
It’s not just men who have wet dreams—women have sex dreams too. Some dreams get so hot and heavy women can achieve orgasm; hopefully she remembers when she wakes up…

Your ex is apart of your life and it’s natural for you to remember and reflect on any good sex you might have once had.

As such, this dream is probably your way of living out a fantasy. The “having sex with someone else” fantasy, with your ex or whomever, is common. And let’s be real, closing your eyes and imagining sex with someone forbidden is both fun and an easy way to help you feel extremely sexy and erotic.

So the best piece of advice I can give to you feeling guilty is: fantasy and dreams are not reality. Many people fantasize about crazy, wild sex that intellectually they understand will never happen.

It doesn’t mean you cheated on your husband by dreaming you had sex with your ex. Now if you actually went and had sex with your ex, that would make everything complicated. But as it doesn’t sound like that is going to happen, keep dreaming away.

Great Sex Tip
It’s better not to tell your husband about your dream. Although I never condone lying, some things are better left unsaid. However if the guilt is eating away at you, clear the air and tell your husband.

Dear Dr. Trina: I want to bring sex toys into our bedroom but don’t know how my guy will react.

Introducing sex toys into your regular sex routine can be quite simple if you think a few things through beforehand.

Before buying a sex toy make sure to:

• Talk about bringing new toys in before you go shopping
• Broach the topic with your partner outside of the bedroom when you’re both in a good mood. Surprising your partner with a new toy will most likely get their defensive hackles up, as they will automatically assuming they’re not a good enough lover.

Start with the basics
Your list should include candles, lubricant, massage oils, educational books, and a romantic game. Once you get used to using these, it’s time to introduce toys.

Negotiate what you both would be comfortable with
Do you want something romantic, sensual or highly erotic? How much do you want to spend? Is quality important to you?

Educate yourself on what toys are made of
Most toys on the market are poor quality and some are even harmful to the body. Look for toys produced by reputable companies which are made of 100% silicone, 100% elastomer, or food grade vinyl.

Great Sex Tip
Not inclined to go to a sex shop? Buy online. Or go to your local drug store will likely carry a limited line of lubricants, massage oils and sex toys.