June » 2010 » DrTrina's Blog

Question: I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. Is there something wrong with me?

Absolutely not!

Unfortunately many women get their sex education from romance novels or media and assume that every woman will: “Immediately explode with pleasure as his rock hard python enters her.”

Truth is, contrary to pop-culture belief, not all women can have a vaginal and g-spot orgasm. This is due to her genetics and not because she’s uptight and/ or doing something wrong during sex.

Some women will consistently have a vaginal orgasm with intercourse; others will sometimes have a vaginal orgasm; and some will never. Chances are if you cannot have a vaginal orgasm, you probably won’t be able to have a g-spot orgasm either.

Orgasm problems arise when there’s a lot of pressure put on a gal—from herself or her partner—to have a vaginal or g-spot orgasm. Even if she is able, with that stress hanging over her bed it’s most likely never going to happen. It’s only when she’s completely relaxed, aroused and into the sex that it can occur.

The good news is every woman can have a clitoral orgasm—which are pretty wonderful creatures in and of themselves.

As you can see, every woman’s orgasm experience is different and therefore how you experience orgasm is very normal.

Great Sex tip
Some women have multiple orgasms while others will have one huge explosion.

Question: My guy’s sex drive has taken a nose dive. I know he’s not cheating, so what could it be?

Contrary to popular belief, men aren’t always the horn-dogs they’re made out to be. In fact, many times just the opposite is true. Consequently there are a lot of things that can negatively affect his sex drive.

The most common being when he is under a lot of stress due to work or other pressures. This is because high levels of cortisol, your body’s stress hormone, lowers testosterone levels. Less testosterone means he has less drive to have sex.

It’s important for you two to figure out whether this is an on-going stress, or if it’s simply a busy period in his life. If the stress isn’t going away, you need to have a heart-to-heart chat about how this is affecting your relationship. Either way do your best to be supportive and help him figure out a way you two can make it through.

At the same time it’s vital for you not to take this personally. Generally women put the blame on themselves when their guy doesn’t want sex. Women think things like, “He doesn’t find me attractive” or, “I must not be very good in bed.” Remember: It’s not you, it’s him and his circumstance.

Great Sex Tip
Daily affectionate touch is the easiest way to relieve stress and make each other feel relaxed.

Question: How do I tell him that I’m not comfortable with his flirting?

Seeing your partner flirt, understandably, can bring out insecurities and jealousy. Yet, innocent flirting can add an immense amount of zest to your intimacy and sex life.

Think of flirting as window shopping for those in a committed relationship. You have to admit that it’s really nice when you (or your partner) can still feel attractive and sexy to other people.

Best of all, when your partner has permission to flirt then brings that wonderful flirting energy home to you it creates a happy couple connection.

As for mild jealousy, it actually affirms the affection within your relationship. That said, a well-balanced individual will not twist their jealously into a full-blown fight.

Here’s some easy things to do to give flirting a try:
•    Talk through what is acceptable and not acceptable flirting behavior. For example: It’s okay for you both to chat and laugh with others but it’s crossing the line when: (fill in the blank).
•    The first time you go out as a couple take baby-steps.
•    Make a pact that neither of you will keep secrets when it comes to flirting.

There is something empowering and sexy to be confident enough in your relationship to allow flirting. Try it, you might find you really like it.

Great Sex Tip
If you can’t tell your partner about your flirting experience, you’ve crossed the line and shouldn’t be doing it.