Lots of changes are going on at our house, most notably that I’m expecting a baby in June. My son pats my growing belly saying ” I love you baby” and insists it’s a little sister ( we haven’t found out the sex), overall seemingly adjusting well. He tells us things like ‘ Daddy can’t nurse the baby only mommy can.” and points out such fun things as ” Your boobs are ginormous mama! They are making milk!” All of this is endearing and warms my heart.
Then he pushes a toddler in nursery at church or a close family friend who is half his age all the way to the ground, and I flip out.
My son has never been aggressive, he sits back and if anything up until now we have worried about him being a doormat, having to be more assertive, make his opinion known and not wait for what’s left all the time at parties, music class and playdates.
Now I am not so sure.
The pushing started right around the time it was getting noticable and tangible to him that I was pregnant. A push here or there wasn’t high on my radar, he got time out and a warning we’d leave wherever we were if it continued. That took care of it. Well it’s continued and it makes no sense, it seems unprovoked. I say seems because he’s 3 he could have a darn good reason in his head, I just haven’t decifered it yet and am not waiting to before consequences are put in effecr. We have now taken the warning away and when he pushes the playdate is over then and there, we didn’t stay for cookies after church and yes the tears were plentiful. When we left the playdate on Friday we both cried all the way home. I was so frustrated, I am admittedly hormonal but I am also angry.
For the first time in his life I am angry at my son.
Sure I have been frustrated before but never have I felt angry at him and I am really angry about this. I do not tolerate violence, I have never tolerated it in any classroom and no way will I give y child the impression that behavior like this is no big deal. “Boys will be boys” is not something I have ever said, not will I . So today at church I was walking out to get cookies when he told me that he was rude in nursery.
“Rude? What did you do?”
“I pushed a little boy, just a little.”
“We don’t push, let’s go talk to your teacher.”
Sure enough he had pushed, he didn’t knock the kid down but I had to be consistant. My anger was much better in check, no tears swelled this time, well he cried like crazy when I told him we weren’t staying for cookies and everyone was quite concerned until I explained why we weren’t staying.
It’s not OK.
We’re having similar issues with Evan and I’m not pregnant. It is so frustrating! His anger is mostly turned towards me. If he feels overwhelmed he will hit me. He always gets a time out but it doesn’t seem to be helping. Not sure what we’ll try next. Toddler/preschool years are soo hard! I hope it gets better soon!
I know what you are going through. My son is almost 3 and we are dealing with this too. I do know *why* he is doing it, but it doesn’t make it any easier. He gets frustrated at his little brother (9 months old) for different reasons and sometimes he will push him (usually while taking a toy away from him). I hate this part!
Thanks ladies!
I found out later the push at church was during a sanctioned pillow fight… but I bet it’s actually the same reason as you Amanda, our friend is really close and it’s the first time she has started playing with him and her brother during playdates. I am just so frustrated that he has never pushed anyone and he chooses someone half his age. And he’s so well behaved every where else.