I remember telling a director of a production I was acting in in 1993 that I was going to lead an independent life. I was going to act preferably in New York, go to art galleries for fun, continue my love of all black clothing, raise a child alone and never marry. I was going to do it my way and not bow down to patriarcal society.*
Well fast forward 16 years and I am primarily a stay at home mom, I haven’t acted since 1997, I went through a series of serious boyfriends whom I daydreamed about marriage with, married in 2004 and have never been to New York. I do have a child although I am by no means raising him alone, I do wear black a lot but it’s not the only color, and I do go to galleries.
So I am not the person that my drama geek , silver doc marten wearing 16 year old self thought I was going to be. I like to think I am so much more. Although this weekend if my 16 year old self could have gotten a sneak peak I think she would have choked on her thrift store necklace.
On Friday I cleaned my house for my parent’s arrival. Then I got dolled up, high heels, dangly earings and full make up for the Seattle Police Awards Banquet. I was in full corporate wife mode, bidding on silent auction items, making small talk with my husband’s clients and eating with the proper spoons and forks.
On Saturday I spent all day getting my son in the Halloween spirit, we carved pumpkins, went to our town’s safe Halloween. I made dinner for my parents and my family with no need for recipes, it’s old hat now. I handed out candy and there wasn’t a single Halloween event that involved alcohol.
On Sunday I went to church, gathered the items I need to teach Sunday School next week, went to the library for books for my son , bought items for my son’s preschool fundraiser, picked up a quiche for dinner and baked muffins.
Clearly my life is full, my heart is full even if my dreams shifted and I still haven’t been to NY- I have been to Africa and I’ll make it to NY some day!
* I only learned the meaning of that word the night before at a Take Back The Night March where I wore all black.
