I get this question often, from a wide range of people who have varying expectations. I generally give them the short answer. I focus on the many upsides of the whole thing, mostly because its all true.
“Its working out really well,” I say. And in the brief conversation that follows: I don’t have a lot of time to do freelance work but I’m getting plenty of work to fill the time I have. Its wonderful to be home with my daughter and spend so much time with her. I do feel lucky to be in a profession that can be done out of the house and on a freelance basis. It can be stressful balancing everything, but its a learning process. All in all I’m really happy with the situation.
That really is how I feel, and it feels good to say it. I think its what people want to hear, too. I do feel lucky to be in the position where I can be home with my kids and also work. But sometimes I just feel the need to rant about how difficult this situation can be, without worrying about coming off as an ungrateful whiner. Yay, blog.
So yeah, sometimes this is really, well, downright hard! The knowledge and abilities I have to actually do my job are merely one set of skills I now need. Doing it freelance for the first time suddenly necessitates an entirely new set of skills and knowledge. Time management, project management, marketing, billing… all kinds of things that were never a part of my creative and technical duties and are now equally important to those.
That transition alone would have been tough for me, which is why I’ve been hesitant to go freelance in the past. But now that all pales in comparision to the biggest job ever - the neverending responsibilities of being a mom all day long. First and foremost my duties lie there of course… and everything else must somehow fit in after that. I can never brush my little one off simply because I’m in the middle of a tough project or on a client call.
Plus, being at home (even while working) carries domestic responsibilities. Keeping up with the whirlwind of destruction a 2 year old is capable of doing to every room in the house. Making sure there’s orange juice and dishwashing soap and dogfood and ziplock bags and shoes that fit. And every night, dinner has to be on the table. Its enough to make you tear your hair out sometimes.
As a freelancer, I feel like I must constantly be marketing myself and working to obtain new projects, to avoid any dry spells in my work. But when it comes to freelance gigs, when it rains it pours. Which is great! I am very fortunate and so grateful to be getting jobs through word of mouth from former clients. But its always a balancing act. I can only take on a couple of small projects at a time, simply because my actual working hours are so limited. I am trying to be realistic about how much I can do, and sometimes that means turning down a job, which usually means closing the door to that opportunity for good. That never feels like the right thing to do, but sometimes there’s no choice. I’d like to take on more projects and work even more but there is only so much I can do while she naps, and a bit in the evenings.
Oh yeah, the evenings. Night time is prime time to get work done, but I need the chance to hang with my husband once in awhile. Plus, my girl is a handful and she tires me out… I lack the drive/energy to work as much as I should at night. Wake up early and all day its go go go… by the time she’s finally asleep I find myself wanting to veg. Not to mention, I occasionally would like to do some of my own leisure activities (what a concept, right?). I should probably fold all that laundry first though.
Meanwhile, I’m trying to start a new gig on the side. I’m realizing how much time is required for me to put in, before this new thing really gets going. So, there is guilt involved when I spend time focusing on that. I find myself feeling like I should be doing my “real” freelance work instead (ie, work that pays right now), as that would be a more productive use of my time. So the other business pursuit usually gets put on the back burner, but I do think that if given a chance it could be a better overall solution than what I’m doing now.
Gah.
I know there are moms out there who juggle all this with ease… many of them with more kids, more businesses, etc. I am truly in awe of them! But, deserved or not, that rant felt good. ;) And sometimes I wonder, maybe that’s the situation they outwardly portray, but on the inside they too can be frazzled and frustrated and at times unsure of themselves just as I am. I know that is the case for at least some of you and its nice to know I’m not alone.
So, how’s work going for you?
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