Using Code Words to Keep Your Child Safe
Using Code Words to Keep Your Child Safe
Does your child have a code word? Ours does. Let me explain.
When I was growing up I had a code word that I could use when I called home to let my mom know that something was wrong. It was a word that only her and I knew. When my stepson was in high school, he also, had a code word. 
We told him that if he was ever in a situation where he needed us to come and get him, he could use that word with us on the phone. Now we have also given my oldest daughter a code word. We explained to her that as she is just entering the age of starting to do things with friends that there might come a time when something happens and she is either uncomfortable, in danger, someone is bullying her, or whatever – and she wants to get out of there but not let her friends know that she is asking mom and dad to come and pick her up. That’s when she will use the code word with us. We will know immediately to drop what we are doing and come and get her.
I think it’s important for our children to be able to “save face.” They need to know that we care about their reputation and don’t ever want them to be embarrassed or humiliated. If one of my children ends up being somewhere that there are drugs or drinking(whether or not they knew they would be there could be discussed at a later time) and they don’t want to stay – I want to come and get them no questions asked! But I also understand that they live in a social and peer-influenced environment. There is no need for them to be laughed at for leaving that kind of situation. Obviously, if they feel like they want to speak up and outright amongst their peers they could just call us and openly say, “Mom, dad, come and get me – I want out of here.” We support and encourage that too – as long as it won’t put them in danger. But we do want to give them the option of protecting their desire and choice to leave somewhere.
Even if a child is just uncomfortable – they need to know that we have their backs. They need to know that we put them first and that we trust their instincts. Sometimes you just can’t put your finger on why you don’t feel comfortable somewhere and yet that feeling persists. I would welcome my children interrupting my agenda and asking me to remove them from that feeling and place!
Thankfully, no child of mine has ever had to use a code word so far. My stepson did use us as an excuse one time for something but we told him he could use us as the “out.” We had no problem with that.
Our children need to know that we are a team as a family and that we are on their side. Even if they end up somewhere that we would have wished they hadn’t gone; the point is that they came to that realization and asked us to take them out of it.
Talk to you tweens and teens about code words. Everyone needs to agree on what the word or phrase will be and bring it up once in awhile to remind each other so that no one forgets what the word is. Just having that option to grab onto should you need it, can bring a child a lot of comfort and sometimes the courage that they might need to avoid or get out of a situation. You can’t be too careful – not in this world. So talk about it together and get started with your back up plan to use code words. Hopefully you’ll never hear it used, but if you do – you will be so thankful for this “minor-emergency” plan.
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Comments
We haven't used code words but than my kids are still pretty young.
My daughter's just a toddler now, but I think we'll definitely do that with her.
My sister had the "pick up password" with her kids, which was fine until one day she sent a friend (who is like family - really no need for a code with her) and she got all confused about the concept, and made the kids give HER the password before letting them in the car!
I once worked in a job where we conducted home visits. We had the same kind of system - if we were in danger we would explain to our client that we needed to phone the office to check on something, and then ask for Mrs. Appleby - that was code and the police would be sent. I never had to use it, but it was nice to know that the system was in place should I be in a dangerous situation.
Great idea for parents ... but, on the same score, I hope my kids never feel the need to use it!!
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