It’s Part of Growing Up

My daughter had a new friend in elementary school. She’d been struggling with “mean girls” and so she was very ecstatic (to say the least) to have someone to be girly with, to giggle with, and to call her best friend. As her parents, we were happy too…at first.

My daughter all of a sudden wanted a bikini. She’d never wanted a bikini before. In fact, the year before she’d worn a t –shirt over her swimsuit all year long!

She wanted to cut her hair. She had beautiful hair and again – had never wanted to cut it before. The idea to cut and layer her hair came swiftly and with strength. She wanted it done and done NOW! We resisted.

She wanted to wear eye shadow and I started to notice her liking “edgier” music.

None of these things in and of themselves are bad. It is all part of growing up. A child will fight for wiggle room so that they can discover their likes, dislikes and tastes. They are learning about themselves so it’s natural to see them test things out. But when they occur all at once or within a short span of time, I think it’s wise to maybe take a look and see if something else isn’t going on.

For me, I started keeping a really close eye on this friendship. All of these “changes” in taste happened shortly after the new friendship. In my opinion, a really great friend will only enhance who you are – they will not try to change who you are. And that is what concerned me the most with my daughter.

Take a careful look at who your children are hanging out with. Make sure that those friends accept your children as they are and encourage and motivate them….never trying to conform them or lead them in their own preconceived direction. If you have concerns about friendships, take it slowly. First watch closely. Invite them over. Ask questions of your children. Sometimes, our children will discover things themselves and decide to part ways with certain friends. This is always preferred rather than “mom” or “dad” having to intervene because it strengthens your child’s views, morals, values, and character. It will help them have a stronger self-esteem to be able to make those tough calls on their own. Hopefully, you’ll never have to step in.

Some battles are worth fighting and others aren’t. But truly notice your child and what goes on in their heart and social circle. This way, you’ll know when your child’s tastes are changing and maturing or they are simply craving acceptance.

About the Author Founder of EmphasisOnMoms.com, freelance writer, and mom. Posted by Dionna Sanchez in behaviour on June 29, 2010 More from this author  |  Author Website Follow Dionna Sanchez on:  |