Handling Temper Tantrums

We’ve all seen it. And perhaps, before we had kids, we even judged it. The temper tantrum. An almost certainly frustrated mom, and a small child doing their best impression of someone undergoing an exorcism. Actually, scratch that, I think an exorcism might be less nerve-rattling.

And then some of us go on to have children of our own, and we pretend that it will never be us, standing in a store, handling temper tantrums ourselves. Rest assured, a tantrum can happen to anyone.

The Basics of Handling Temper Tantrums

The easiest way to figure out what to do about tantrums is to figure out what causes them in the first place. Every child is different, but there are some common denominators. Watch out for overtired, overtaxed or hungry kids, and especially watch for a child suffering from a combination of these three. Also be on the lookout for kids who are being asked to do more than they are capable of doing or control themselves more than they have resources to do so. This might be a young child being asked to shop for hours on end, or attend an extended, fancy event where there is little room to run around or burn off energy.

A Parent’s Role in Handling Temper Tantrums

Try to make sure that your expectations are clear and consistent. If the last time you went to the store, your child was allowed to run around, put sweets in the cart and get a toy, you can bet that the next time there will be hell to pay if they don’t get the same treatment. Try making your expectations clear ahead of time, then ensuring your reaction is consistent. And stick to your guns, moms. If you can tell your kids what behaviour you expect for them to join you out in public, and they lose control, better you leave the scene than try to battle through. Don’t be afraid to warn them of consequences, but also don’t be afraid to follow through. If you told your child misbehaviour would result in you having to both go home, then you had better be ready to calmly and quietly pick up your kid and go if the worst happens.

Keeping Your Cool When Handling Temper Tantrums

Remember that almost every parent has stood in your shoes at one time or another. If you do your best to set yourself and your child up for success, you probably won’t end up handling temper tantrums as often as someone who makes a habit of pushing tired and hungry kiddies past their limits. And keep your expectations low when your kids are small. If you don’t think they are up to shopping in a toy store for yet another gift without a struggle, perhaps you should practice other outings and errands first. And I find it helps to keep my empathy close at hand. Often there are emotions behind a tantrum that we can understand, much as we may detest the noisy outburst.

Take deep breaths, try to change the scenery, get you and your child out of whatever situation caused the problem. If you are at home, and your child is safe, take a few steps away, and do something else for a minute. Anything you can do to reduce the pressure and the audience will help you both.

And when it’s done, be there for your child. Know that sometimes even they don’t know where those big emotions come from. Reassure them that even though you very much dislike their behaviour, you love them and you will work together for a better outing next time. Redirect your child, and go find a way to soothe your jangled nerves…a few deep breaths, cool water splashed on your face, maybe a cup of tea. Handling temper tantrums can take a lot out of parent and child, so allow time for both of you to recover afterwards. And above all, remember, tantrums happen, they are normal, and they do eventually end!

About the Author Writer, wife, mom, fueled by chocolate, coffee & laughter. Published in online media, nationally and internationally, my specialties include: freelance writing, community management, social media devouring, relationship building, and mildly obsessive editing. Community Manager for @EverythingMom. Founder of Mocha Creative Works - see www.mochacreativeworks.com for business/portfolio site. Posted by Jen Taylor in behaviour on July 05, 2010 More from this author  |  Author Website Follow Jen Taylor on:  |  |  |