Favouritism In the Home

Favouritism. A parent should never show favouritism to their children – right? It’s wrong to be partial to one child over the other child… or is it?

I believe showing partiality to children is sometimes needed. Let me explain.

My girls don’t have the same bedtime. My oldest daughter is allowed to go to bed 30 min. after my youngest daughter. She has proven to be responsible in getting ready for school in the morning and she is a few years older; so we have shown her partiality by allowing her to stay up a bit later. Yes, sometimes my youngest complains, or she lays in bed awake while I try to “shush” everyone down for the night – but my oldest daughter has earned this little victory. She deserves it.

Sometimes one child has a certain interest that another child doesn’t have. As the children grow up, maybe they are handed down certain things because of their interest. It doesn’t mean that the other child or children are forgotten or unloved, it simply means that a parent took into consideration one child’s habits, interests, and likes and decided that they would treasure the item more than the others! They were shown partiality.

You see, sometimes partiality is a normal part of life. Not everything can be done equally nor should it be. One of my biggest pet peeves is an athletic team that plays EVERYONE equally. I think if some players are more gifted than other players, they should be allowed to play more! Children only learn to expect to be treated the same as everyone else if they are given what they do not earn or deserve. In the end, this kind of practice is more unfair to them than it is if they weren’t played as much in a game.

I’ve told my children that we are all a team. We take turns cheering one another on. We each get time in the spotlight. So when one person has their moment, it’s up to the rest of us to rejoice and be happy for them. We can’t expect to all have or receive the same amount of praise, recognition, or accolades paid to us. That’s just not how life is.

We are doing our children a huge disservice if we are trying to treat them equally all of the time. They were not created equal! They each have their own gifts, talents, and character qualities that make them the unique and special person that they are. We should nourish those and help them blossom instead of diminishing them by telling them their sibling gets the same treatment they do regardless of effort or invested interest!

Treat your children individually. Love them individually. Reward them individually at times. Sure, it’s not always possible to do everything separately – especially if you have a large family. But if it is, acknowledge who your child is and what they have done by showing them a little bit of partiality and special treatment at times. Just make sure you do it for the others when they have earned it as well!

There is enough love to go around in a family. If you’re children know you love them and you are building them up and encouraging them for who they are, they will have a strong enough sense of “self” to not only handle it when another child gets more privileges or a little special “something” once in awhile – they will be motivated by it.

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