Parenting

Ready or not, the time is upon us. Back to school! Almost September, some kids are already back, others heading soon. It comes so fast every year.

I think back to when I was a kid…back to school was exciting, if maybe a little nerve-wracking. But it was always a fresh start. I loved the new school supplies, the clean notebooks, fresh pencils, clean erasers. We usually even had new clothes with which to start the school year, and so really, September was pretty great, full of new stuff with nary a birthday or other holiday in sight.

Except now we are parents. And now we are the ones in charge of the back to school experience. I was always happy for new school supplies and new clothes, but now I’m the one with the lists, checking off supplies, shoes, clothes, backpack, haircut…all the little details that feel like they will make or break the whole deal.

But as I make my lists and shop, and look at the cancelled cheque I wrote for school supplies in June, I wonder at how much money I am spending at back to school. I try to be careful, I shop sales, buy cute, yet practical items for my son for school….yet I know that if I totalled it all up, I’d be shocked. We’re fortunate to be raising kids at a time in our lives when we can accommodate these extra expenses, and my oldest is too young to know anything of labels or trends, but every family situation is different.

When did back to school become all about shopping? And between this need to have all the cool stuff, new clothes AND all the school fees and extra costs that start up in September, anyone wonder how many families are struggling right now? How many families are trying to figure out how to handle their basic household expenses as well as suddenly afford school supplies, new clothes and shoes, school fees, activity fees and equipment for recreation or sport?

How do you feel about back to school spending? Is it all reasonable, practical shopping? Or is it getting out of control? Are the supply lists from schools getting longer and longer? Does any of your back to school stress have to do with expenses? Do you know families who struggle at this time of year? What are you doing to keep costs under control for back to school?

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I wonder what we would all do without retail pressure. Honestly, in the middle of summer, would I start thinking about school supplies and clothes if the stores weren’t changing their displays in mid-July to prompt me? Every season, every holiday – there they are, weeks or even months in advance, telling us to buy this, buy that, make it perfect.

Back to school is no exception. If you’ve been in a department store, drugstore or mall lately, you might have been wearing shorts and flipflops but your mind was already on September. Anyone else feel rushed this year? Anyone else feel like we barely got summer off the ground and already are supposed to be planning September?

Yesterday we opened our windows to a 12 degree morning. Today is no different. Suddenly, I’m feeling like September could be very close at hand, but am still amazed how fast it came. This fall I will be sending my son to his first full time days, grade one, and I can’t believe how soon I will be at the school registering him. I have such mixed feelings, wondering if we really got the most out of summer, yet also looking forward to the return of routines and regular schedules.

Are you ready to face September? Are you dreading the whole back to school preparation thing? Are any of you happy to see it coming? Do you feel mentally and emotionally ready to send your kids to school? Or is this is your first back to school season? How are you organizing this busy time?

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I can’t remember what my kid smells like in the winter. Oh, I suppose if I close my eyes and really think, I can recall that sleepy, just-woke-up, still-in-his-pajamas smell. And I know what he smells like when he’s covered in whatever lunch or snack he’s having. But in between those times? I can’t remember.

All I know, is every so often this scraggly boy runs by me, occasionally leaping into my arms or falling into my lap, and as I burrow my nose in his neck all I smell is sunscreen, bug spray, kid sweat and DIRT.

Yes, dirt. Oh, we clean him up as best we can, but all summer long he seems to find the dirt so easily. We’re always landscaping, it seems, and a handy pile awaits in the driveway…or the gardens are full of opportunity too.

The dog days of summer are upon us. It’s August, and this is where summer either makes or breaks us. The novelty of early summer has worn off, perhaps we’ve had our holidays already, perhaps camps are finished. It can be challenging to keep kids busy all summer long, but when the mercury rises, it seems like we have to work harder to keep them entertained. Perhaps it’s too hot to go out or they had too much sun and heat the day before. Or maybe they are just harder to deal with when the routines are lost and they are worn out from extra outside play.

How are you keeping your kids entertained as the days go on? Are they still loving summer? Are you? Has anyone uttered the “B” word yet? (Mommy, I’m bored!) What will you be doing for the next two or three weeks – maximizing your summer days or thanking your stars that school starts soon?

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Sitting in the cab on the way to the airport, I checked one last time for the photos of my children I had hurriedly tucked into my purse. It would be several hours before they would wake and find me gone, and six days before I would return. I was on my way to NYC for a conference, and would be leaving my kids with my husband. I had never even left the youngest overnight.

The next six days passed by in a blur of conference events, social engagements and sightseeing. I kept looking for hands to hold and checking for little heads bobbing behind me. I wanted to ask my companions if they were hungry, thirsty, or getting tired.

It was so strange to have only myself and my own things to look after. On crowded city streets it was a blessing, but my evenings felt surreal without a bedtime routine and kisses to signal the end of the day and the beginning of my evening. It was strangely freeing, yet if I suddenly realized it was bedtime and I had nearly missed calling, my heart would almost stop. I knew my kids were fine at home, but they were ever present with me as I thought of them while away.

Have you ever travelled without your kids? Was it for business or fun? What did you think would be hardest? Did the reality match your expectations? We all miss our kids, but did missing them get in the way of your enjoyment of your trip, or did you feel like you were able to explore and experience more? Have you ever declined to travel because of your kids?

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I remember trying to make sure I was doing everything right when I was pregnant the first time. But there was one thing I couldn’t plan – the actual birth. I didn’t know what to expect! Add in a generous phobia of hospitals, doctors, and anything even resembling a needle? I was admittedly a little skittish.

Well, my approach was very scientific, well-thought out and….oh, to heck with it. The truth? I told myself “You’re thirty years old. Women do this every day and have been for years. It’s time to suck it up.” I’m a realist, what can I say? I ate well, followed all my doctor’s advice, got things ready…then at my last appointment realized…a birth plan! I didn’t write one! I’d been avoiding it, not knowing how to write about what I didn’t know, and probably not willing to face all the details. So I sheepishly asked my doctor as I left…”oh, I’m so sorry, I should have asked, do I need a birth plan?”

She answered with a gentle smile. “Not with me. I don’t believe in birth plans. I don’t like women to be disappointed if it doesn’t go as planned. No one really knows until they get into it what they want and what they need. You may not need any interventions, or you may need them all. We’ll be there for whatever you need, you’ll figure out what you need and want and you’ll have your baby. But we’re not going to try to plan it out.”

It was exactly what I needed to hear. And in the end, could I have predicted my experience? A larger-than-expected baby, an epidural that didn’t take, failed forceps, nearly failed vacuum extraction, almost-Caesarean birth? Never. But that’s what it was, and as soon as it was over, I remember saying that of course I would do it again. Would I have felt the same if I’d tried to plan it all out?

What about you? Did you write a birth plan? Did it come anything close to what your actual labour and delivery were like? Or did you have a general idea of what you wanted for options and follow the experience? What did you imagine your labour and delivery would be like? And what actually happened?

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