Mom Chat: Tell us Everything

September always feels like a fresh start, doesn’t it? The rituals of buying school supplies, welcoming a crisp feeling in the air, sending kids off to school all help us feel like we are starting anew. And we happily take on the task of getting our kids ready for a new year every fall, making sure that a happy,constructive year lies ahead.

But now that we have put our energy into making sure our kids get off on the right foot, what about our own days? Every September we fret over how to make sure our kids have a great year ahead in learning and becoming more of who they are as people. Are we doing the same for ourselves? What effort are we putting in to make sure our lives are fulfilling and going in the direction that we want?

Our lives as parents are terrifically important. But we do have other hours in the day, and some or many of us are spending them working – in whatever form we choose. And when the days are busy and routines packed full of things to do at work and at home it can be hard to step back and weigh what we do and how we spend our time. But just like we spend time planning our kids’ lives once a year,perhaps we should do the same for ourselves.

Perhaps it’s full time work that fills your day. Is it what you really want to be doing? Is there anything you would change? How can you get there?

And what about part time work, freelance or work from home parents? When was the last time you sat down and really looked at how you are spending your time? Is it all worthwhile work? Do you like the part time balance you have created?

And parents who are taking care of kids full time, how does it feel now that you are living it? Is it still filling you up? Do you feel as though you would like a new challenge? Are there things you could add to your life that would help you feel fulfilled?

Do any of you need a fresh start too?

Tell us Everything!

Two tall filing cabinets, two book shelves, one closet of file boxes and others of randomsize and several piles on my L-shaped desk.

In these lie my paper clutter. Oh, yes, I have paper clutter. I may be a type A, I may like to micromanage everything done in this household and I may pay bills the day they arrive…but once I handle each task or piece of mail, I have a hard time knowing what to do with it. I hate filing, and though I am on top of all that needs to get done, I am startlingly unmotivated to file the aftermath.

I have purged. I have shredded, recycled, and still I have this feeling I’m not in control of it yet. I know I have a few boxes of magazines that really need to go. And I’m sure I have things in files that should be cleaned out. And that giant basket of receipts is really scary. I am slowly getting on top of it all, and realistically seeing as I’m running our household and a couple of businesses out of this office, I’m not doing too badly. (Or am I?)

So much paper comes into our home: mail, school bulletins, artwork, magazines, catalogues, flyers, cards, receipts. And for each category we need a system. A way to decide what goes, what stays and where. And a way to know what is important to keep, and for how long. I see organizational guides that give suggestions, but know it’s my own heart and mind that need to decide about things like artwork and special cards.

How do you feel about paper clutter? Is it taking over your home? Does it get in the way of you handling bills, returning permission slips and responding to communication? Do you keep artwork and cards, and other sentimental items? News clippings? Magazines? Any tips or suggestions? We want to know what’s working for you, and what’s not!

Tell us Everything!

Ready or not, the time is upon us. Back to school! Almost September, some kids are already back, others heading soon. It comes so fast every year.

I think back to when I was a kid…back to school was exciting, if maybe a little nerve-wracking. But it was always a fresh start. I loved the new school supplies, the clean notebooks, fresh pencils, clean erasers. We usually even had new clothes with which to start the school year, and so really, September was pretty great, full of new stuff with nary a birthday or other holiday in sight.

Except now we are parents. And now we are the ones in charge of the back to school experience. I was always happy for new school supplies and new clothes, but now I’m the one with the lists, checking off supplies, shoes, clothes, backpack, haircut…all the little details that feel like they will make or break the whole deal.

But as I make my lists and shop, and look at the cancelled cheque I wrote for school supplies in June, I wonder at how much money I am spending at back to school. I try to be careful, I shop sales, buy cute, yet practical items for my son for school….yet I know that if I totalled it all up, I’d be shocked. We’re fortunate to be raising kids at a time in our lives when we can accommodate these extra expenses, and my oldest is too young to know anything of labels or trends, but every family situation is different.

When did back to school become all about shopping? And between this need to have all the cool stuff, new clothes AND all the school fees and extra costs that start up in September, anyone wonder how many families are struggling right now? How many families are trying to figure out how to handle their basic household expenses as well as suddenly afford school supplies, new clothes and shoes, school fees, activity fees and equipment for recreation or sport?

How do you feel about back to school spending? Is it all reasonable, practical shopping? Or is it getting out of control? Are the supply lists from schools getting longer and longer? Does any of your back to school stress have to do with expenses? Do you know families who struggle at this time of year? What are you doing to keep costs under control for back to school?

Tell us Everything!

They say love is a battlefield. I say let’s leave love out of it for the moment and instead talk about beauty routines. Yes, we all have them, even moms who barely have time to get ready each day. There are still steps you take and products you use, in the shower, afterwards, before you are ready to face the world. Or products that you use before bed in hopes of repairing whatever damage the day has thrown your way. Yes,natural beauty is best and as we age, we learn to love our naked faces. I’m with you. But from the time I get out of bed to the time I climb back in at night, I’ll be honest, I use a surprising number of products. Just a little of this, a little of that, but it all adds up. I’m no glamour queen, and most days I’m lucky if I actually manage to dry my hair all the way beforeI have to give up and go join the circus that goes on around here each day. But if I start counting the number of products I rely on, no matter how small the amount...yikes!

It takes work and lots of trial and error to find our staple products. And once we find them, we stick with them, don’t we? Some products I like I have been using for years. That’s why it’s so upsetting when companies suddenly discontinue products. It makes me crazy to have a favourite product suddenly removed from the market! Don’t they know how frustrating it is?

What products are absolute favourites in your beauty routine? What products have been on your counter or in your make-up bag for years? And has anything you liked ever been discontinued? Did you ever go around buying up extras when you saw them in stores? Did you ever contact the company, either to find more or to complain?

Tell us Everything!

I wonder what we would all do without retail pressure. Honestly, in the middle of summer, would I start thinking about school supplies and clothes if the stores weren’t changing their displays in mid-July to prompt me? Every season, every holiday – there they are, weeks or even months in advance, telling us to buy this, buy that, make it perfect.

Back to school is no exception. If you’ve been in a department store, drugstore or mall lately, you might have been wearing shorts and flipflops but your mind was already on September. Anyone else feel rushed this year? Anyone else feel like we barely got summer off the ground and already are supposed to be planning September?

Yesterday we opened our windows to a 12 degree morning. Today is no different. Suddenly, I’m feeling like September could be very close at hand, but am still amazed how fast it came. This fall I will be sending my son to his first full time days, grade one, and I can’t believe how soon I will be at the school registering him. I have such mixed feelings, wondering if we really got the most out of summer, yet also looking forward to the return of routines and regular schedules.

Are you ready to face September? Are you dreading the whole back to school preparation thing? Are any of you happy to see it coming? Do you feel mentally and emotionally ready to send your kids to school? Or is this is your first back to school season? How are you organizing this busy time?

Tell us Everything!

I can’t remember what my kid smells like in the winter. Oh, I suppose if I close my eyes and really think, I can recall that sleepy, just-woke-up, still-in-his-pajamas smell. And I know what he smells like when he’s covered in whatever lunch or snack he’s having. But in between those times? I can’t remember.

All I know, is every so often this scraggly boy runs by me, occasionally leaping into my arms or falling into my lap, and as I burrow my nose in his neck all I smell is sunscreen, bug spray, kid sweat and DIRT.

Yes, dirt. Oh, we clean him up as best we can, but all summer long he seems to find the dirt so easily. We’re always landscaping, it seems, and a handy pile awaits in the driveway…or the gardens are full of opportunity too.

The dog days of summer are upon us. It’s August, and this is where summer either makes or breaks us. The novelty of early summer has worn off, perhaps we’ve had our holidays already, perhaps camps are finished. It can be challenging to keep kids busy all summer long, but when the mercury rises, it seems like we have to work harder to keep them entertained. Perhaps it’s too hot to go out or they had too much sun and heat the day before. Or maybe they are just harder to deal with when the routines are lost and they are worn out from extra outside play.

How are you keeping your kids entertained as the days go on? Are they still loving summer? Are you? Has anyone uttered the “B” word yet? (Mommy, I’m bored!) What will you be doing for the next two or three weeks – maximizing your summer days or thanking your stars that school starts soon?

Tell us Everything!

Sitting in the cab on the way to the airport, I checked one last time for the photos of my children I had hurriedly tucked into my purse. It would be several hours before they would wake and find me gone, and six days before I would return. I was on my way to NYC for a conference, and would be leaving my kids with my husband. I had never even left the youngest overnight.

The next six days passed by in a blur of conference events, social engagements and sightseeing. I kept looking for hands to hold and checking for little heads bobbing behind me. I wanted to ask my companions if they were hungry, thirsty, or getting tired.

It was so strange to have only myself and my own things to look after. On crowded city streets it was a blessing, but my evenings felt surreal without a bedtime routine and kisses to signal the end of the day and the beginning of my evening. It was strangely freeing, yet if I suddenly realized it was bedtime and I had nearly missed calling, my heart would almost stop. I knew my kids were fine at home, but they were ever present with me as I thought of them while away.

Have you ever travelled without your kids? Was it for business or fun? What did you think would be hardest? Did the reality match your expectations? We all miss our kids, but did missing them get in the way of your enjoyment of your trip, or did you feel like you were able to explore and experience more? Have you ever declined to travel because of your kids?

Tell us Everything!

You can tell someone is cooking as soon as you enter the house. Everything smells amazing, and there are serious noises coming from the kitchen. What’s this? A personal chef? You look around wildly, and start to pinch yourself. You must be dreaming…

That’s right, we’re in fantasy land today. Imagine a beautifully set table, and a chef preparing a fabulous dinner for you and any company you choose. Wine is ready to be poured, the glasses are sparkling in the sunlight. All you need is a guest list, and the fascinating conversation that will follow.

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party, who would it be? Famous or not, alive or not, people you have met before…or not! Would your table be filled with celebrities? Musicians? Writers? Politicians? Or would you go back further and choose from philosophers, or people who have made a place for themselves in their countries’ legacies?

Would you choose that friend you lost touch with in school? That person in school you wish you had gotten to know, and didn’t? People who have been a part of your life but are no longer?

I am always so curious how people come up with answers to this game. I picture a table and think, what kind of conversations would happen if we could actually get the wine flowing at a table with Barack Obama, Drew Barrymore, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton, Jack Nicholson, George Clooney, Will Smith, Johnny Depp, Julia Roberts and Diane Keaton around a table? Add a few of my closest friends and, of course, me and ring the dinner bell. I’d love to watch and listen.

So what about you? This is just a random list off the top of my head. I could think of so many more that would be interesting to talk to, to listen to. If you could make any guest list, choose anyone to attend, living or dead, who would you invite? Who would you break bread with? Who do you think would be interesting and would create conversations worth listening to?

Tell us Everything!

I remember trying to make sure I was doing everything right when I was pregnant the first time. But there was one thing I couldn’t plan – the actual birth. I didn’t know what to expect! Add in a generous phobia of hospitals, doctors, and anything even resembling a needle? I was admittedly a little skittish.

Well, my approach was very scientific, well-thought out and….oh, to heck with it. The truth? I told myself “You’re thirty years old. Women do this every day and have been for years. It’s time to suck it up.” I’m a realist, what can I say? I ate well, followed all my doctor’s advice, got things ready…then at my last appointment realized…a birth plan! I didn’t write one! I’d been avoiding it, not knowing how to write about what I didn’t know, and probably not willing to face all the details. So I sheepishly asked my doctor as I left…”oh, I’m so sorry, I should have asked, do I need a birth plan?”

She answered with a gentle smile. “Not with me. I don’t believe in birth plans. I don’t like women to be disappointed if it doesn’t go as planned. No one really knows until they get into it what they want and what they need. You may not need any interventions, or you may need them all. We’ll be there for whatever you need, you’ll figure out what you need and want and you’ll have your baby. But we’re not going to try to plan it out.”

It was exactly what I needed to hear. And in the end, could I have predicted my experience? A larger-than-expected baby, an epidural that didn’t take, failed forceps, nearly failed vacuum extraction, almost-Caesarean birth? Never. But that’s what it was, and as soon as it was over, I remember saying that of course I would do it again. Would I have felt the same if I’d tried to plan it all out?

What about you? Did you write a birth plan? Did it come anything close to what your actual labour and delivery were like? Or did you have a general idea of what you wanted for options and follow the experience? What did you imagine your labour and delivery would be like? And what actually happened?

Tell us Everything!

Few things in the world fascinate me as much as wine. I worked in the wine industry years ago, so have a special affection for the grape and all it can become. Plenty of other beverages may refresh you or please your palate, but no other offers that as well as exposure to different languages, geography, and so much social interaction.

When I’m shopping for wine, I get to take a small step into my imagination and experience a bit of the language, and possibly learn a little about the country it’s from. When I go looking for a tasty California Cabernet or Petite Sirah, a French Bordeaux, an Italian Nebbiolo or Chianti or even an Argentinean Malbec it allows my mind to wander to those places. It’s a welcome escape and a pleasant addition to my day. And if you pick your wine shop carefully, they even have tastings!

And to me, wine sets a certain stage that another drink just cannot. Call me crazy, but when I decide to have a perfect quiet night in, I select a tempting looking bottle and prepare a small plate of fresh bread and just the right old cheddar cheese…well, there’s nothing better. It feels like a treat, a small spread of goodness just for me.

Yet, the last dinner party we had had nothing in common with the quiet moment I describe above. Everyone was to bring a bottle of wine they had never tried before, and we put them all out on the table with steaks fresh off the barbeque, roast potatoes, bread and a big salad. We all sampled all the different wines, talked about the choices we made and why we made them, and basically ate and drank and laughed ourselves out of our chairs enjoying our wine and dinner. We’re already planning our next wine dinner!

So…what place does wine hold in your life? Is it a treat, a quiet glass after the kiddies go to bed? Does it take centre stage at dinner parties? What do you like to drink, what are your favourite brands, grapes, styles, regions? Do you buy the same wine time after time, or do you like to experiment? How do you choose your wines? We want to know it all, and I’m looking forward to investigating your favourites, so list them all below!

Tell us Everything!