The latest from our Heart and Soul

For the first time in my life, I am not looking forward to the Christmas holidays. I am not looking forward to the month of December and would rather hibernate and wake up on January 2^nd. I am not interested in putting up a tree or any decorations. I am not interested in shopping or even listening to Christmas music. I cringe when I see mistletoe and want to close my eyes when I drive past decorated houses.

You are probably wondering why I am such a bah-humbug and why I am so negative. I have a good reason. My husband died suddenly on August 31^st at the young age of 44. The love of my life, my best friend and soulmate died. When Darin died, a part of me died as well. The fun loving and spiritual part of Ann that loved the holidays.

The grief books all say to celebrate the holidays. It is important to move forward and continue traditions, especially when there are children in the family. As much as I want to run away and hide I have made a decision. The kids and I are going to celebrate the holidays this year. We are going to buy a new smaller Christmas tree and decorate the house. We are going to do our usual Christmas Eve traditions and spend Christmas Day with Darin’s family. We know that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be tough but we need to do this in order to heal.

I know there will be many tears. My eyes well up just thinking about celebrating without him. The kids and I will get through it. We will be surrounded by Darin’s family and together we remember all the Christmas we got to spend with such a wonderful husband and dad.

You’re crazy.

It’s a phrase I hear quite frequently in my life, most often when I tell people I decided to take up short track speed skating at the age of 41. Go ahead, google it.

And then google speed skating accidents.

I’d think I was crazy too.

But the truth is, I didn’t take it up because I’m crazy or because I like to take risks. In fact the opposite is true. I’m the mom who always double and triple checks her kids' seatbelt buckles. That one annoying vehicle on the highway going the speed limit? That’s me. I wear a helmet when I ride my bike; I cross the street at the corner: I go for my yearly physical, and floss my teeth.

But speed skating isn’t about taking a risk…..or at least a stupid risk. Sure, there’s a chance I could get hurt. There’s also a chance I could trip and fall walking on the sidewalk.

Actually, that happens to me a lot.

But unlike walking on the sidewalk, in speed skating there are numerous checks and measures to ensure I’m as safe as possible. I wear a helmet, neck guard, leather gloves, shin guards and knee pads. If I fall, there are thick pads surrounding the outer edges of the rink to help protect me. This doesn’t mean I won’t get hurt but it does lessen the chance.

That's not the only unconventional activity I have participated in. Over the past couple of years I have done the CN Tower Edge Walk, went zip flying, got shoved down a hill while strapped in a giant inflatable ball, ran a 5 km obstacle course that included scaling a ten foot wall and jumping over fire, and walked on a Burma rope bridge over 50 feet up in the air. All things a bit off the beaten path but not necessarily risky….because there were safety protocols in place.

I won’t go on a ride at a travelling carnival nor will I bungee jump off a bridge. There are just too many variables for me to consider them safe. But challenge me to participate in a trapeze class at an established circus school and I’m in.

The thing is, taking a risk doesn’t mean it has to be something perceived as dangerous. The person taking a class on painting with water colours is braving just as much risk as I did when I signed up for speed skating. Taking risks is about going outside your comfort zone and trying something new. Sure, it can be a little scary. You might not be great at it; you could even fail. But who knows? You may end up finding something you love and that lights you up from the inside out.

You only get one shot at this thing called life.

Isn’t that worth the risk?

A lot of people I know have to embark on a finely choreographed dance at this time of year – it is a dance that can go as smoothly and in-tune as a Viennese Waltz, or it could end up in a aggressive, adrenaline-filled Krump. It is a dance that could make or break good feelings, good cheer and often, the holidays altogether. The dance is called, Whose Family Are We Spending Christmas With This Year?

And I am so happy I have never had to learn it.

You see, come December, there is no discussion to be had – we celebrate Christmas with my husband’s family.  While so many of my friends and in-laws are gingerly stepping onto that particular dance floor with their partner, I am at home, lighting the candles on our menorah. We are an interfaith family, and we can at least count Christmas Day negotiations as one issue we don’t have to face. But there are plenty of others to take its place.

While accurate statistics on interfaith marriage are hard to come by (especially Canadian statistics), a 2008 survey states that up to 37% of married Americans has a spouse of a different faith. As a couple, my husband and I (I am Jewish, my husband, though atheist, is from a Protestant family) have always been on the same page regarding our difference in backgrounds – it really doesn’t matter. Remaining understanding of (our family’s) customs and traditions has always been the key to inter-faith harmony for us, culminating in a wedding ceremony that included a chuppah, unity candles, the breaking of the glass and a Judge to officiate.

Handling the holidays was always a similar pursuit of accommodation:  we lit the menorah and ate latkes at my mother’s house; trimmed the Christmas tree and ate turkey at his mother’s house. Then we had kids.

Compartmentalizing the holidays – Jewish with my family, Christian with his, is easy to do as adults because we can understand, intellectualize and rationalize our decisions. Children have a bit of a harder time doing those things. So do grandparents, for that matter. But my husband and I found purchase in these negotiations as well – their Jewish ‘education’ is up to me, and any part of my husband’s religious or spiritual identity that wishes to impart on our children is up to him.

The good news is, our children obviously accept their lives as normal. But they have questioned not only a) why we celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah when most of their friends only get one or the other and b) what the significance of each holiday is. I have a much easier time explaining the former. For one thing, children are completely open-minded. That Mummy is Jewish and Daddy is not doesn’t phase them in the slightest.

As for the latter, I struggle. That Hanukkah is a celebration commemorating the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem following a great miracle, I am comfortable in explaining to my children. I have passed to them the traditions of eating chocolate gelt and spinning dreidles and singing Hanukkah songs.

But if I am to tell the absolute truth, I am still not entirely comfortable with the symbolic, religious meaning of Christmas – at least, not comfortable with explaining it to my children. And my husband doesn’t seem to care to do it, so for my children, Christmas is a time of wonderful fun (and gifts!) and family (and gifts!) and specials and music and Santa (and gifts!), but they have no clue what Christmas is.

For now, we focus on the things that I have always felt were of the most cultural and personal value anyway – the traditions. On December 20, we will light the first candle on the menorah, and we will eat latkes and sing songs as loud as we can and open a small gift with my family. And then, on December 24, we will go to my in-laws for our Christmas Eve sleepover, and we will wake up together and enjoy an entire day of aunts, cousins, grandparents, great-grandparents and a ton of food. Oh, and did I mention gifts?

And then, on December 26, my husband and I will begin what we hope will become a new tradition, inviting friends and family to join us at our house for an afternoon of as much merry as we can squeeze out of people.

Although in the future, my children will most certainly require more explanation, more dialogue and more answers about why our family does things the way we do, for now we feel that what we are providing for them is more than enough – the best of both worlds, two traditions, two families that love them fiercely and two parents completely dedicated to providing a tolerant, loving and understanding atmosphere so that their future remains as open as their present. It will undoubtedly take deliberate parenting as well as flexibility and perhaps even some philosophical enlightenment on our part, but that – that is a dance we are both more than willing to do.

Photo: Some rights reserved by somethingmarissa

The polar bear is such an iconic representation of Canada. It’s no wonder people are so affected by the struggle they face due to habitat changes and loss. Could you swim 9 days non-stop to find food and shelter for yourself and your family? That’s the situation some polar bears are finding themselves in.

Thankfully organizations like the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) are there to help protect these threatened bears. To help raise awareness and funds, Coca-Cola’s “Arctic Home” campaign will have the company change the colour of its iconic red can to white this holiday season. As part of the “Arctic Home” campaign, Canadians can visit iCoke.ca to make a donation, which Coca-Cola will match, until March 15, 2012, up to $1 million USD.

“The polar bear and the rugged Arctic are enduring symbols of the Canadian north. For Coca-Cola, the polar bear is especially near and dear to our hearts, appearing for decades in our holiday advertising,” said Nicola Kettlitz, President of Coca-Cola Ltd. “Arctic Home” strengthens our commitment to the polar bear, our focus on building sustainable business practices, and our dedication to making a positive difference in the world.”

In addition, Coca-Cola will contribute $2 million to the organization over the next five years. Funds will go toward WWF’s conservation efforts to protect polar bear habitats – for their survival today and into the future.

“This campaign is about working together to save one of the most important places on Earth,” said Gerald Butts, President and CEO of World Wildlife Fund. “As sea ice continues to melt at alarming rates, polar bears and local communities alike are threatened. With Coca-Cola’s support, we can expand our reach and impact to help chart a sustainable future for this critical Arctic ecosystem.”

Along with making a donation on iCoke.ca, visitors can watch video chats with WWF scientists, track virtual polar bear sightings, and learn more about the polar bear and its Arctic home.

For more information and to donate, visit iCoke.ca

This post has been sponsored by Coca-Cola in support of their Arctic Home campaign and the efforts the company is making to help the polar bears.