The latest from our Heart and Soul
I love how my iPhone keeps me connected: my husband and I exchange silly banter and updates on our day through text messages; I can search for recipe ideas to inspire my dinner plans for the evening; I can answer my email even when I’m away from my computer; I can connect with people to share a joke, a photo, an opinion when I log into my social networks. My iPhoone enables me to create balance between work and home, giving me the chance to spend time with my kids while still meeting work obligations.
See? It connects me to everything, everything but my kids. 
The convenience of having a mini computer right in my breast pocket has started to interfere with my life; fooling me into believing I’ve achieved balance. There’s a difference between walking my kids to school to ensure they arrive from point A to point B safely and on time, and spending time with my kids as we walk to school together. Can you guess which group I’m in?
Spending the whole walk with my fingers tapping words on my iPhone, my eyes focused on a little screen, is not what I envisioned as quality time with my kids. My kids don’t either. They’re not content with mom just walking them to school, like a robot on automatic pilot, and who can blame them.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t leave the house with the kids intending on doing all my office work en-route to school. It starts off by innocently checking my email, which leads to another email and a text and a tweet. Next thing I know, we’re at school and the kids are heading in.
My youngest suffers most I think. She loves to play imaginary games and is quite content to play them on her own when we walk home, almost giving me permission or justifying my palm-sized screen time. Looks can be deceiving. On those occasions when I do interact and play her games on our walk home, she laughs more and louder, does less whining about the weather and seems to enjoy our time together more. I guess that’s the difference; it’s actually time together, connecting, not just walking side by side.
Technology is a great tool and it does give me more freedom. But if I’m not taking advantage of that freedom, not living in the moment, what’s the point? So things are going to change. I am no longer taking my phone with me when I walk the kids to school or pick them up after school. I will have no need to check email or send a text or tweet since I won’t have the tool. I can only focus on my kids, talking about their day, sharing silly knock-knock jokes, or even just walking together silently. But we’ll actually be together.
No email or call or message is so important that it can’t wait forty-five minutes. They’ll still be there when I get home. Sooner than I want, my kids will desire doing things with others instead of hangout with me. I want to enjoy these moments now, remembering why I left agency life to spend time at home. So goodbye phone, hello silly animals games and school yard stories. It’s been a long time coming but I’m glad I’m back.
Off to get the kids.
Fighting last minute gift shoppers, baking another batch of Christmas cookies, finalizing end of the year invoicing. Sometimes my Christmas To-Do list can feel a little overwhelming, overshadowing the festive side of the holidays.
Since the holidays are so short and mean so much to my kids, there are a few things I try to follow to make our holidays a little brighter:
It Doesn’t Have to be Big. Sometimes we work-up in our mind that the only real holiday memories are the ones attached to big, spectacular events: decorating a gingerbread house, going caroling around the neighbourhood, hosting a bunch of your child’s friends for a baking marathon. These can be fun but also a lot of work. My kids have taught me that simple things can be fun, even if that means doing a puzzle together or enjoying a family movie. The best memory is the time together.
Have a Plan. We’ve been participating in The 25 Days of Christmas at our home. Like an advent calendar, we have a planned holiday activity for each day in December, leading up to Christmas. The activities have to be fun and can’t consist of required tasks like addressing Christmas cards or wrapping gifts. The kids love this and look forward to checking the calendar each morning to find out what we’re doing that night.
Schedule Time. It’s easy for your social calendar to fill-up with holiday events and tasks. I actually have an allotted time that is family time (from after school until bedtime). There are no meetings, no emails, just family time for activities like our 25 Days of Christmas.
Sure these tips are obvious, but applying them has changed our holiday from getting through Christmas to enjoying Christmas. How would you rather remember your holidays?
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This isn't a venue that I'd typically assert my opinions too vocally, nor would I usually speak on behalf of the other writers or staff members of EverythingMom, but to me, I think the perfect - and most painful - time is now. Here at EverythingMom, we're not just about strollers and meal plans, though those are obviously important parts of a busy mom's life. We see past the long work days and the gagets and laundry piles. 
We're not simply seeking to make motherhood simpler, easier, more glamorous or technologically-advanced. We're about Everything. We're about you, and me, and her, and her. Inside and out.
There's a vocal movement going on now, journalists, writers, speakers, politicians, educators, bloggers, mothers, children, fathers and friends, so many of us, whatever our labels, are all banding together to spread a simple message it's okay to be you.
Whether you're a devoted Oprah-viewer and subscribe to the 'Live your best life' philosophy or not; or you've been reading Eckhart Tolle since his first book was published; whether you've questioned your identity as a mother, a wife, a partner or businesswoman; or you've read of tragic deaths in the past few weeks and thought that it was horrifying, that someone could feel so minimized by society as to end their live, I ask you to think: are we all so different? Don't we all seek to be our true selves, fulfilled, accepted, successful and loved?
A teenager struggling with their sexuality may seem worlds apart from the friend you know who is struggling with her first months of post-partum depression, yes, but ultimately, don't they have in common a questioning of identity, and a need for love and acceptance? Would the mother be more worthy of this care if she were straight, or would the mother who has her child with a female partner, via sperm donation, not be?
We're all humans, and we all need the same things: shelter from the elements; nourishment, both physically and spiritually; love, kindness and support from those we love, and even from those we don't know. Most of all, we all feel hatred, judgements and recourse (for our life, our choices and who we are) just as deeply.
I'm lucky, and have aligned my priorities, to live within Vancouver's "gay neighbourhood". It was integral to me that my daughter grow up in a haven of tolerance, where taboo is questioned openly (and sometimes non-existent). What I've learned most from this home is that with the acceptance of homosexuality you find, you also see tolerance for other sometimes-frowned upon people: those living on the street, those with mental illness, immigrants without strong English skills, people of all shapes and sizes and colours and sexes. A beautiful transgendered woman will walk down the street, stopping to buy flowers from the little Asian market with the two owners who speak only enough English to conduct business, while outside, a homeless man sits, collecting change, and drinking a coffee that a passer-by gave him. And no one glares at anyone. No one is judged as lesser than or wrong.
The reason this all works this way, as I see it, is because a) everyone sees their own role in the community as a valid one, as well as others', and b) no one is more or less deserved of kindness, regardless of their status, bank account or who they love when they get home.
Today, I want to ask you this: how do you think that you can create such a microcosm in your own life? Your neighbourhood or community?
What if mentoring a child or teenager was the different between them feeling unlovable and unacceptable, and caring about not only themselves, but becoming an agent of change for further positivity? What if you explained to your children from a very young age that people can love each other, even if they're not a prince and princess, or a mommy and daddy? What if pride was more than a parade that was held one day a year, in major metropolitan areas - if we all took pride in the fact that love is a major human need, regardless of what sex the person giving it is? And we gave it, consistently.
How whole would it make you feel to be part of a butterfly effect that stopped another teenager from ending his life, or another from feeling shame for who she is? How great would it be, if we could just accept - ourselves, each other - without condition, just like we would hope anyone would accept us? My friend, Angie's started this facebook page, a blog movement and hashtag on Twitter, Gay is Okay. Maybe joining is a first step for all of us?
Women, and especially moms, often seem programmed from birth with a tiny wrinkle between their eyes, the ability to foresee cataclysmic potentials and the enduring stubbornness to keep it to themselves. Sometimes, we spend night after night, sleepless; sometimes, we just can't let our child do something that has too many what-if?s attached to it and we become known as the 'over-protective parent'. Sometimes, our instincts scream at us that something isn't/won't be/can't be right - and we're powerless to fight the thoughts. We just have to cope.
Moms worry a lot. Our kids could get hurt, sick, lost, left behind, socially cast out, a bad haircut, labelled, bullied, and on and on. Our family could be struck with those things, as well as financial destruction when illness or job loss is experienced. But those are mostly variations of the same themes - genres of worrying classification that are either universal for each family member, or would effect every family member. These main themes are:
- Our Health
- Our Relationships
- Our Finances
- Our Abilities
- Our Careers & Futures
Remember my self-esteem series in December? That was fun, it opened a dialogue up, and it got a lot of positive feedback - both during and still, as women are implementing some of the suggestions I gave. Now, we begin a new series: every week, I'll cover one of these 'worrying' areas: what they're about, how it makes us react, how it affects the people surrounding us, and some gentle steps we can take to... not sweat so much about the what-ifs.
To get us started, I'd love to know what furrows your brow, and if you think I've forgotten anything. I mean, I am a professional worrier, but no one gets it right, all of the time.
As an animal lover, I’ve had pets since I was in high school. First birds, then dogs, cats, now we even have a whole farm full of animals including horses, sheep, cows, and chickens to enjoy (although they don’t all qualify as “pets”). 
But with the great love of a pet comes the great sadness when you lose them. As parents, we know that our family pets won’t be with us forever. Take the opportunity to help your children appreciate your pet while it’s still with you. Take pictures, write stories, and create memories with your family friend. And when you do lose them, here are some things we’ve learned about helping your children deal with the loss of a pet...
DON’T
- Lie. Grief and loss are a part of life and you’ll face it many times in the future. Dealing with the loss of a pet is setting the tone for facing the loss of Grandma Smith later on. So while the loss of your 18th goldfish might not seem like a crucial parenting moment, consider it an important chance to reinforce your family’s values and beliefs. Be clear. Be honest. Be consistent.
- Ignore it. There can be a lot of fear and/or guilt wrapped up in any personal loss. It’s important to make sure your child understands what happened in an age-appropriate way, or if they have any questions or doubts that need to be addressed. Children are also master eavesdroppers, so make sure they haven’t overheard something that might have been misunderstood.
DO
- Listen and comfort. Children don’t always grasp the long-term nature of death and grief. They are sad when it happens, but they might forget the pain for a while until something reminds them—like seeing someone else’s pet or missing a routine activity like feeding or walking their friend. Listen to them if they admit they’re sad and comfort them. And don’t be surprised if it comes up several weeks or even months after the death of a pet.
- Correct if necessary. Keep your ears open to be sure your children fully grasp what they’ve been told or if there were any mix-ups that need to be clarified. We have discovered that once they’re over the initial shock, our kids love to talk about the “drama” of sickness or death on the farm with other kids in school or Sunday school. That’s how I found out our kids thought our donkey was buried in the backyard because that’s the last place they saw her at, and that’s why they wouldn’t play back there for a while.
- Inform others. A lot of people impact our children’s daily lives. Inform teachers, grandparents, or parents of friends about what happened and how your family prefers for it to be discussed. Part of this networking can also serve to keep you informed if questions or confusion arise long-term, or help other parents that might start getting crazy questions at home.
- Encourage good memories. Help them to remember positive things about their pet. Offer to help save memories by framing pictures, scrapbooking, or writing journals, stories, or poetry as memorial projects.
And don’t forget…all of the above apply to adults too. The death of a family pet can be traumatic for everyone. Be sure to offer yourself and your spouse the same love and consideration as your children as you move forward without your companion.
